..a new horizon touched my bare skin..

I wake up laying on my bed just gazing into the sun that just rose at dawn. I cannot stop thinking about you. Every single day it's just a new day but I don't know when it comes down to about you, it's the same thing. I mean, the same thing is about me loving you. Why is it so hard for me to let go of you? Do you know even a bit how that feels? It's so annoying.

I can't stop laughing and giggling right now because I'm just so high on something. I am talking to zita as I write this down. She is making me laugh so much. I am so bored of life. I feel like I want to kill myself... at the same time enjoying it.. Someone opened my eyes and told me that life is really beautiful but you just need to look at it from a different angle. I agree with him but I'm not sure where to look for that angle. So it's pretty hard.

I am bored of this shit. Fuck this! ciao...
:p
-dkm

...enough of the same feeling...

I don't know what you want. Obviously on that night itself, you wanted 'sex'. I am so angry and at the same time so sad about everything. I am getting hurt every now and then thinking of you. I don't have any hopes in myself. You made me realize and know my own strenght. I am trying my hardest best to get the strenght that I once had. You have yours, why don't you just teach me how you did it.

Why do you have to be so fake towards me in front of people? I leave my blog hanging at this stage. There are just too many things I want to say but I'll leave it unsaid for now. I love you.
-dkm

You're the love of my life that I can't be with.

You may be the one that I love so much and have so many memories with. I wonder everyday why can't we be with each other again. I wish our relationship would be how it is now. I never knew it would be that hard to get over you. Don't get all up in your head as I write this down. I know I'm telling out the truth to the people out there. You can go on be a kid and just hide your true feelings. You may say that you have a girl by your side, but somehow it's hard to beleive. If you really do, how can you be so unfair towards her as to sleep with me at the same time? You said no strings attached right? But I know you're the type to do that to someone that you're with unless the love for me is way stronger than the girl you're with. For all I know you could be using her to get over me. I miss you a lot here and there. Things do remind me of you and etc. It's hard to forget the things we've done together, things we've said. You know that for a fact. I wish guys weren't such assholes.

For 2 weeks you left me suffering by ignoring me, at the end of the time you told me you wanted to break up. I had to agree with you. I was put in a situation whereby I couldn't say anything. Plus, you caught me off guard. As I didn't want to let you go, I just had to. After that two weeks, I had to suffer through a whole load of depression. I went through some massive attitude. You will never be able to feel the pain now but I know that one person above me will give you the same medicine. Most probably worst. I know I will always love you and would always be there even when you don't need me. But it's just hard to ignore you. I love you so much and I don't want to keep as a secret. I don't understand how you can think that I am sleeping around. The only person I can make love to, is you.

One month and a half after depression I was doing pretty well, untill one night that you called me out of the blues. You posted the comment on my blog and wrote me a testimonial, dedicating that song to me by James Blunt. You said it yourself it was just for the moment. What moment huh? Moment of you being horny and wanting to get into my pants? I haven't slept with anyone since I broke off with you. Therefore, I too got caught up with that 'moment' of yours. I fell for your words that you said to me. Why did you have to walk back in to my life after I was fine? I'm not complaining about you calling me, infact I was really happy that you called to have a casual conversation with me. You didn't even want to admit that you cried on the phone. I heard your voice as you cried with me after I listened to the song that you gave me.

My emotions got out of control on that night and I made the attempt to sneak out of the house to see you on the same night. I was out before the break of dawn and saw you. As I sat in the car and saw you walking towards me hurt me so much. I was happy but at the same time really hurt. Knowing that you said if whatever happens, you didn't want any strings attached. Well, we slept with each other in the end. I could see in your eyes that you made love to me with me with so much love and passion. It showed that you still love me a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love you as much too. But just for the spur of the moment. I can't resist you nor can you resist me. You called me and spoke to me and I got a bit shocked. Things have been pretty havoc nowadays.

Well, if you really do have a girl. I would respect the relationship you have with her, Izzat. Take care. If you ever read this, don't bother posting a comment. I don't want to hear anything from you until I call you. Or if you do want to say anything to me, just call me okay.

I'm sorry things didn't work out to how we wanted it. I know we're somehow happier now. Feeling lonely would always be there. I hope you're happy with Ummie's company, Chi. I don't have anyone to accompany me like that. It shows that I am stronger than you then huh. Gosh! That's true. I am so glad. I'd probably see you soon. I want you to know that I would always love you too. No matter who your girlfriend is going to be next, I hope you guys are really happy and please make sure she doesn't do anything to hurt you. Because I would personally kill her. Love you sayanggg.
-dkm

Nicely Done, give it an applause.

A new year has begun. New things must be done same time discovered. I haven't been writing. Was too caught up with my emotions. Been depressed. I've opened my eyes to what true love is all about. Now as I write this down, I am finally over him. Did I really love him? Of course, I suffered so much while I went through the whole depression. But what was I thinking? I never thought that I could be like that.

I never know what my limits are until I actually go beyond it. I would always love him and a soft spot for him will always be there for him. I need to get myself a new thing. New things, style, trend, friends and many other things. I have started to blog again because I met someone new today and he was pretty interesting. I had so much fun talking to him.

I spoke to my friend that I haven't spoken to for such a long time. His name is Eidrix. We went through memory lane. I laughed so much when I was talking to him. I haven't laugh that much. It was all because of the break up I felt happiness again. I guess it was a blessing in disguise.

I'm so happy now. I can't stop smiling on my own. I want to thank my bestfriend Far and my girls like emma, sammie and the boys that went through with me. I love them so much because now I know that I can rely on them.

Feelings are so fucked up though. Why can't I wish to be a robot so that I can programme myself to not have feelings. It'll be weird but better for me right?

I'm writing this at 3.30 in the morning. In a couple of hours I've got my exams. Pretty much nervous. No! I am not confident of getting an A for it. But what the heck? I'm just going for it. I guess. I feel pretty happy now. I hope it'll work out though. I'm getting bored with life. Just need to get back into my socializing self!!
-dkm