You may be the one that I love so much and have so many memories with. I wonder everyday why can't we be with each other again. I wish our relationship would be how it is now. I never knew it would be that hard to get over you. Don't get all up in your head as I write this down. I know I'm telling out the truth to the people out there. You can go on be a kid and just hide your true feelings. You may say that you have a girl by your side, but somehow it's hard to beleive. If you really do, how can you be so unfair towards her as to sleep with me at the same time? You said no strings attached right? But I know you're the type to do that to someone that you're with unless the love for me is way stronger than the girl you're with. For all I know you could be using her to get over me. I miss you a lot here and there. Things do remind me of you and etc. It's hard to forget the things we've done together, things we've said. You know that for a fact. I wish guys weren't such assholes.
For 2 weeks you left me suffering by ignoring me, at the end of the time you told me you wanted to break up. I had to agree with you. I was put in a situation whereby I couldn't say anything. Plus, you caught me off guard. As I didn't want to let you go, I just had to. After that two weeks, I had to suffer through a whole load of depression. I went through some massive attitude. You will never be able to feel the pain now but I know that one person above me will give you the same medicine. Most probably worst. I know I will always love you and would always be there even when you don't need me. But it's just hard to ignore you. I love you so much and I don't want to keep as a secret. I don't understand how you can think that I am sleeping around. The only person I can make love to, is you.
One month and a half after depression I was doing pretty well, untill one night that you called me out of the blues. You posted the comment on my blog and wrote me a testimonial, dedicating that song to me by James Blunt. You said it yourself it was just for the moment. What moment huh? Moment of you being horny and wanting to get into my pants? I haven't slept with anyone since I broke off with you. Therefore, I too got caught up with that 'moment' of yours. I fell for your words that you said to me. Why did you have to walk back in to my life after I was fine? I'm not complaining about you calling me, infact I was really happy that you called to have a casual conversation with me. You didn't even want to admit that you cried on the phone. I heard your voice as you cried with me after I listened to the song that you gave me.
My emotions got out of control on that night and I made the attempt to sneak out of the house to see you on the same night. I was out before the break of dawn and saw you. As I sat in the car and saw you walking towards me hurt me so much. I was happy but at the same time really hurt. Knowing that you said if whatever happens, you didn't want any strings attached. Well, we slept with each other in the end. I could see in your eyes that you made love to me with me with so much love and passion. It showed that you still love me a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love you as much too. But just for the spur of the moment. I can't resist you nor can you resist me. You called me and spoke to me and I got a bit shocked. Things have been pretty havoc nowadays.
Well, if you really do have a girl. I would respect the relationship you have with her, Izzat. Take care. If you ever read this, don't bother posting a comment. I don't want to hear anything from you until I call you. Or if you do want to say anything to me, just call me okay.
I'm sorry things didn't work out to how we wanted it. I know we're somehow happier now. Feeling lonely would always be there. I hope you're happy with Ummie's company, Chi. I don't have anyone to accompany me like that. It shows that I am stronger than you then huh. Gosh! That's true. I am so glad. I'd probably see you soon. I want you to know that I would always love you too. No matter who your girlfriend is going to be next, I hope you guys are really happy and please make sure she doesn't do anything to hurt you. Because I would personally kill her. Love you sayanggg.
-dkm
