Cater To You..

Baby I See You Working Hard
I Want To Let You Know I'm Proud,
Let You Know That I Admire What You Do
The More If I Need To Reassure You, My Life Would Be Purposeless Without You (Yeah)
If I Want It (Got It)
When I Ask You (You Provide It)
You Inspire Me To Be Better
You Challenge Me For The Better
Sit Back And Let Me Pour Out My Love Letter

Let Me Help YouTake Off Your Shoes
Untie You Shoestrings Take Off Your Cufflinks (Yeah)
What You Want To Eat Boo? (Yeah)
Let Me Feed You
Let Me Run Your Bathwater
Whatever You Desire, I'll Aspire
Sing You A Song
Turn My Game On
I'll Brush Your Hair
Help Put Your Do Rag On
Want A Foot Rub? (Yeah)
You Want A Manicure?
Baby I'm Yours I Want To Cater To You Boy

[Chorus]
Let Me Cater To You
Cause Baby This Is Your Day
Do Anything For My Man
Baby You Blow Me AwayI Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More
Anything You Want Just Let Me Cater To You
Inspire Me From The Heart,
Can't Nothing Tear Us Apart
You're All That I Want In A Man;I Put My Life In Your Hands
I Got Your Slippers, Your Dinner, Your Dessert, And So Much More
Anything You Want, I Want To Cater To You

Baby I'm Happy You're Home,
Let Me Hold You In My Arms
I Just Want To Take The Stress Away From You
Making Sure That I'm Doing My Part (Oh)
Boy Is There Something You Need Me To Do (Oh)
If You Want It (I Got It)
Say The Word (I Will Try It)
I Know Whatever I'm Not Fulfilling (Oh)
No Other Woman Is Willing (Oh)
I'm Going To Fulfill Your Mind, Body, And Spirit

I Promise You (Promise You)
I'll Keep Myself Up (Oh)
Remain The Same Chick (Yeah)
You Fell In Love With (Yeah)
I'll Keep It Tight, I'll Keep My Figure Right
I'll Keep My Hair Fixed, Keep Rocking The Hottest Outfits
When You Come Home Late Tap Me On My Shoulder, I'll Roll Over
Baby I Heard You, I'm Here To Serve You (I'm Lovin It, I'm Lovin It)
If It's Love You Need, To Give It Is My Joy
All I Want To Do, Is Cater To You Boy

[Chorus]

I Want To Give You My Breath, My Strength, My Will To Be Here
That's The Least I Can Do,
Let Me Cater To You
Through The Good (Good)
The Bad (Through The Bad)
The Ups And Downs (Ups And Downs)
I'll Still Be Here For You
Let Me Cater To YouCause You're Beautiful (You're Beautiful)
I Love The Way You Are (You Are)
Fulfill Your Every Desire (Desire)
Your Wish Is My Command (Command)
I Want To Cater To My ManYour Heart (Your Heart)
So Pure Your Love Shines Through(Shines Through)
The Darkness We'll Get Through (So Much)
So Much Of Me Is You (Is You)
I Want To Cater To My Man

[Chorus]
-dkm
This song is dedicated to Mohd Izzat Hazim Bin Sabirin. I love you sayang. With al my heart. Warm and fuzzy kisses to you. If you ever read this.

Virginity..

Have I lost it? Hehe. Of course not. Virginity is something important to me. Many girls my age has lost it. Some of them lost it to the one they love with no regrets. For most of the girls, they lost it when they're not in the right state of mind. Under the influence of drugs or alcohol. I pity those people. They'll regret it for the rest of their lives. For boys, virginity isn't that important. It's not a big thing for them. They don't really lose anything.

I won't forget the girls that get rape and shit like that. I hope that thing stops. Especially the young ones.

Virginity is like your soul. Once you lose it, it shows that you are a new women. I don't know how you can tell whether you've lost it or not. I'm confused myself. Many people has had conversations about this. I have to admit that, I am tempted to try. But I need to control that in order to get through my life. My mum would kill me if I lose it. Thus, losing it at this age wouldn't be right. Not legal yet. Pregnancy is another thing. It's a really big thing.

You know how adults keep on telling us not to do it and stuff. Well, now I know the reason of them saying that. If we lose at this age, we won't be able to control ourselves if we enjoy the feeling. Look at it this way, if you enjoy something so much, would you stop doing it or would you do it again and again? It doesn't matter how strong you are. But if the feeling is so great, what you going to do?

I'm talking as if I've broke my virginity. But I finally understood what it's all about. I know this from stories I hear and conversations that was exchanged. It's really interesting. Sometimes, I ask my own sister about this kind of stuff. It's really sick at one point but interesting at another. I don't even know why I randomly talk about virginity. I was just thinking about it. Lately, I've been thinking about various type of things. I like it though. Well, going on to another subject.... the next post..
-dkm

Glaring at you.

I sat there in the car, just staring at you. Thinking of how beautiful you were. Having my mind jumbled up because you were one in a million. Each day that passes by, I begin to love you more and more. You have given me hope, faith and so much more. Last night was one of those nights that would be remembered. I love the part where we were reminiscing the moments we've had in the past. I loved it. I will never forget that night that we watched that particular movie. It was really nice.

I have never felt this warm and fuzzy feeling in me. This is so amazing. I wished I could stay with you longer yesterday. But I had to leave you. I know that I didn't trust you driving. But you were indeed a very good driver. Smooth. I want to go for a road trip with you one day. There are so many things that I want to do with you. But we're both so busy with things at home. Plus, you're restricted to many things. I realized that you are still in form 3 and you've got PMR to finish with. I don't want to be the barrier of that examinations. I need to let you study. I know I'll miss you but I just need too.

Baby, as we sat in the car last night. We were listening to such a beautiful song. I thank god that I have you and you love me. I say it with a smile on my face. Everytime I see you, a smile naturally comes up to my face. My heart doesn't skip a beat anymore. What could this mean? I am so comfortable with you. I feel as if I can tell or show you anything I want. You are so sweet. Thank you for the flower you bought.

Remember what Aiman said. I guess that's all true. But it has it's limit, of course. I love you dearly. I hope this feeling in me would last till the day I die. I would be one of the happiest girl alive. I'll even be happier than the richest man or women on earth. That's how you make me feel. You make me feel so rich with the love you have showered on me. You have spoilt me with all the love you've provided. Isn't it amazing? Would you consider this excruciating? Maybe not. It's really sad how you are in school right now. If not, I would come over and see you. I'll curled up into your arms. While you're playing with my hair. Stroking it right. I love it. I just love all the things you do for me. I can't even count how many times you've made me feel this way. But I'm glad I have you. Love you sweetie. I actually have more in my mind. But ezzat is bothering me about some smiley thingy. I'll update more. That's for sure.
-dkm

feellsss

I’m in such a mess. I feel really ill. I’ve been sick for the past two days. I don’t like it. Why doesn’t it happen when school is going on? I’m just lying on my bed and sniffing. Bits of tissues are everywhere in my room. Basically, I’m not the only one in a mess but my room too. I just got back from lunch with parents and grandparents. It was my granddad’s birthday. He is growing to be so old. I still love him though.

In the middle of the lunch, mama came up with the topic about my boyfriend. Saying that he’s a keeper and I shouldn’t break with him anytime soon. Quickly, my brother agreed to that. Well, I know a few days ago I wanted to break up with him. But if I do, I’ll make the biggest mistake of my life. I wouldn’t want that to happen. I don’t want to regret and go through depression because of my own mistakes.

Nothing interesting has been happening. One thing for sure is that, I’ve been drinking quite a lot the week before. I don’t know what got into me. It must be the season that I have. It’s funny how I have seasons to drink and not to drink. Last week was definitely a wild week for me. I loved it but I need to control myself. It’s called discipline too. Everyone must have self-control. It’s important in life.

Alright, I actually wrote this just because I was bored. I have nothing else to do at home. So, I decided to update my blog. Plus, I came up with a theory but I totally forgot what was it about. I hate it when that happens. *pfft* That’s it folks. More to come.. Stay tune!!
-dkm

Peterpan - Mungkin Nanti

Saatnya ku berkata...
Mungkin yang terakhir kalinya..
Sudahlah lepaskan semua,
Ku yakin inilah waktunya.

Mungkin saja kau bukan yang dulu lagi,
Mungkin saja rasa itu telah pergi
Dan mungkin bila nanti
Kita kan bertemu lagi…
Satu pintaku jangan
Kau coba tanyakan kembali
Rasa yang kutinggal mati
Seperti hari kemarin
Saat semua di sini…

Dan bila hatimu termenung ,
Bangun dari mimpi – mimpimu,
Membuka hatimu yang dulu,
Cerita saat bersamaku.

Tak usah kau tanyakan lagi simpan saja untukmu sendiri,
semua saying kau cari,
semua rasa yang kau beri.
-dkm

very much ponderinngg..

What is this I'm feeling? Love or Lust or just simply like? I read Farah's blog it was weird. I was reading it and it got really interesting. Right now, as I type this. I'm feeling really ill. My head is spinning and i've got a really bad flue. Not forgetting the terrible cough and fever.

For the past few days, I've been prefusely fighting with Izzat. I have no idea why. Sometimes, I wonder whether this is going to make our relationship stronger or could it bring us to the end? The only problem is that, no one would be able to answer this questions. I try to not think about it. But it keeps on coming into my mind.

My throat is killing me, I know it's one of the signs to stop smoking! I tried that many times. My family is very much disappointed with me because of that horrible habit. But think about it this way, if they were to smoke themselves. Wouldn't they understand how I feel towards nicotine? Yes, I know they're doing this for my own good. One day, I will stop. One thing for sure is, when I'm pregnant i'll definitely stop. No doubt about that.

I've been feeling so scrumptious lately. I don't know why. It could just be me being so perasan. But the feeling is nice. I just love the feeling. I can't actually describe the feeling. It's one of those feelings you can't describe. If you know what I mean. Some of the girls I saw the other day were pretty hot and tempting too. *phew*

Guess what? GUESS IS ON SALE!! I went to Klcc yesterday to just hang out with izzat and nura. I saw it. I was so happy. I quickly ran to the shop to ask what's going on. Apparently, they'll be on sale until 14th August. Yeah! Trust me, I'm happy and excited. Now, what I have to do is to try to suck up to my mum to by all the stuff I want from there.. The other day, I asked her politely whether she could bring me to Polo Ralph Lauren. I was actually shocked that she said yes. Maybe because of the way I approached her.
to be continued...
-dkm

*kisses, hugs, love and everything nice*

I was thinking about this when I was with Izzat. I thought about how lucky I am to have him. This is what I really feel and what I really think in my heart. He is just really amazing. As you know, I've broke my own record of going out with the SAME guy more than one month. To tell you the truth, it's almost two months. I know that some of my friends are proud of me. Thanks.

Izzat is just unreplaceable. I mean, he is patient and he is able to tolerate any bullshit from me. Although he does a lot of mistake. After a few days, I'll just forget about it and get on with life. He really does know how to appreciate me. A theory was said by my sister, a man who knows how to appreciate his food then he would know how to appreciate the person he loves.

I'm happy being with Izzat. Everytime I'm with him, I'll feel as if I'm on ecstasy. I won't say that he is my dream guy. But he does fit some of the description. He has done so much for me. I've never been able to say thank you to that. Izzat, if you're reading this. I want to tell you that I love you and thank you so much for EVERYTHING that you've done for me. I will never be able to repay you back. Things that you've done for me is just unbelieveable. Thank you so much baby. Sayang, I don't know what else to say to you. Just now that, I love you so much. I know I was with you like an hour ago. But I miss you a lot already.

Sorry for wrong things i've done or said. I know you get hurt sometime. But don't worry, I don't mean anything of the things I said. I promise. There are many promises that I'm suppose to keep. Please do remind me of it. I have short term memory loss. So therefore, it's really hard for me. Sayang, you are so amazing. I love you so so so much. I know that you wouldn't know that I'm writing this. But you'll find out soon. Just remember one thing, no matter what I love you. If I've said the word 'break up' too many times. Then I am terribly sorry. Many apologies are said. That's it Izzat. i love you!!!!!
-dkm
p.s: I love you Mohd Izzat Hazim!!!! More poems are going to come.

++Kenduri++

Today is a big day for Mohd Ezzat Aiman. Which is my little brother. I'm proud to say that ezzat is not a wimp. He's not even a bit scared of the 'sunat'. He is quite relaxed about it.

Mama is having a big kenduri just for Ezzat. The amount of people coming are 250++. It's a really big thing for him. All of us had to contribute a hand to mama. To help out. The kenduri went well. Yazmin and I were like the flower girls. We were carrying basket full of petals and we had some flowery thinggyy on our hair. It was nice. We were all dressed up for it. We all went to the saloon to have our hair done. Then a make up artist came over to the house. So it was a really BIG thing. I had fun at the kenduri. With all my cousins, friends and neighbours. Well, that's it about the Kenduri.
p.s: Farah!! I told you that it wasnt a trick!! Even I was wearing so called baju kurung k!
-dkm

whattt?

I give up. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. You're beginning to hurt me so much more. I'm having headaches just thinking about you. I can't concentrate on things I want to. I am fed up of the situation. I can't keep this fake smile on anymore. It's far too tiring for me. I love you so much. I really do. But this could bring 'us' to end. I don't know what's going on with you. I keep on making the decisions and I keep trying to patch things up. Nothing ever comes out of it. I'm not producing any results from this. Could this just be me? I'm not trying to give you shit or anything. But I really can't help it. Every night, you give me shit. I get hurt and get nightmares. I wake up being all tired and the next thing I know, I forget about everything and we're back to normal again. Everyday the same thing. I'm so tensed up.

I feel as if we're separated. Physically we're not but, spiritually we are. Sayang, why is it like this? Please help me. I don't know what to think. I'm so blank. I need help. Farah, if you're reading this. I need your help. I need some words from my girlfriends. I need it. Nothing can cure this. I can't keep on crying for the same thing. I don't like that. Worst, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I'm numb. I can't stand this anymore. I am sorry. I would have to go back to self-mutilation. I need to. I'm weak again. I went back to who I was last time before I got with you.
-dkm

dysfunctional...

It is so normal for mums to screw up things for their daughter. The title doesn't really go with what i'm going to write in this post. But who cares? It's my post, not yours. My mum have got so many reasons. She's got so many excuses for everything. Thus, she always think that's she right. Most of the time, yeah she is right. Sometimes, she isn't. When I do fight back, she'll get all angry and tries to slap my face.

My family is considered dysfunctional. You may ask why? Well, let's start off by saying that my dad is a womenizer. My mum is going to have an affair soon. In my family, there are no secrets kept among us. We just let it out. Usually, that happens at dinner time. Trust me, at the dinner table it'll be really noisy. If someone says something wrong, it'll get into a big argument and everyone would just be quiet. If that happens, my dad would start throwing something at someone. It'll get all chaotic. Gee, what an embarassment to the public?

Eventhough we have this problem, I don't regret having this family by my side. No matter how crazy they are. They will always stick by your side. They are just fun and unique. I don't think you can find any other family which is like us. We're different and that's how I like it. This is such a random post.
-dkm

**dreams..

What are dreams? Not dreaming of what you want to be or anything? I'm talking about the one when you go to sleep. What are they? What is it for? Does it mean anything? Some astrologers believe, to every dream there is always a meaning. To me, all my dreams are nothing. It's all freaky. I hate it so much. Sometimes, I can't even sleep well. I'm basically disturbed everytime I go to sleep. I wake in the middle of the night and looking around. Felt as if the dream was real to me. But actually, it was just a dream. The worst ones are the one that I dream about something angry and I wake up being really angry to that particular person. It's freaky, I know. Oh and there is the one that makes me really tired once I wake up. Oooh. I don't know how much longer I can take this bullshit. It's so annoying. I can never sleep in peace. That's the thing that irritates me. Eventhough I sleep early from the night before, I would still wake up being really tired and exhausted. It's all because of the dreams.

Just last night, I had a dream about my mum, brother and I had a big argument in my school. The dream wasn't clear to me. But I know we were all bickering. So then, when I woke up I was really angry. I put on a filthy face and went down to the living room. Suddenly, I saw my mum. She was actually back early. She was eating her lunch. As she spoke to me, I practically ignored her. I don't think that is very nice. But I can't help it.

One thing I know is that, my whole body hurts right now. Why you may ask? It's because of the stupid gym. I know I know, no pain no gain. But it hurts like a bitch!!! I can't help it. I've taken 2 tablets of voltaren. It doesn't heal the pain though. I don't know how much longer this pain is going to last. But I hope it'll go away by friday. I don't want to be all in pain on the day my little brother would be sunat-ing. Hehehehe. Well, that's all folk. That's what happened yesterday. I hope farah is happy that i've been updating my blog. Love you farah.

As for Izzat and I, for anyones' information. We both are doing great. Or maybe awesome. I love him a lot. There are the ups and downs. But we're able to patch things up fast and get on with the relationship. So I'm glad. I can't wait till the week comes to an end. So many things to do. So little time. Other than that, you know what it is. Same shit, different day!! OK byee..
-dkm

Had too much to drink..

*phew* Yesterday, it was Monday and I knew it was an odd day for me to drink but what the heck. First, I went to lunch with Fiona, Tini and Fadli. We were suppose to go to Klcc instead we ended up at La Bodega in Bangsar. Didn't plan to drink or anything. Just went there and there it was, Sangria the drink that i've always wanted to try. Fadli ordered it before we got there. I didn't want to taste it at first because it was in the day. Fadli kept on insisting, so I just went for it. I liked it a lot. It tasted like grapefruit wine. Loving it!! I had two glass of that and it was already getting hot in my system. The lunch went on for like 2 hours and I was off to the gym right after that. At gym I did body pump, it was really exhausting and painful! *ouch* Eventhough, I was really tired and felt like fainting. I could still get up to go to Luna Bar with my girls who got back from UK recently. At around 10 ish, they picked me up and we went there. Over there, we ordered drinks and just chilled. The view from up there was beautiful. Luna Bar was hot though but the beautiful view just overcomes the heat and you'll naturally contemplate about life. It was on the 33rd floor. So if you were thinking about life and you can't figure it out then you can just jump off and die. Hehehe. At Luna Bar, I had sex on the beach. The drink was sweet. I was buzzing a bit already. It got boring there, so we were off to hard rock. Many people asked why Hard rock. We went there just for fun. Didn't need to have a specific reason to go there. Over there, we ordered more drinks of course. Oh my gosh, I spent a lot on drinks last night. All I know is that, I had a lot of fun though. So yeah, i'm alright now tho. Just loving my english girls!!
-dkm

^^shopping^^

Do you know what shopping can do to you. Well let me tell you. It makes you go crazy. It makes you forget about everything else. If you really enjoy it, you'll be able to forget about your own boyfriend. Today, I went shopping with my sister and her friend(nasyua) at klcc. I was actually suppose to go shopping with my mum like two days ago. But we didn't go because we had to entertain my little brother at sunway. I stayed over there for two days. The hotel I was staying in was connected to the shopping mall. Of course knowing me, I like to walk around and check out the new things in store. I passed by Guess. My own little brother could have predicted that I wanted to walk in. So I did. I went in there and looked at all the new stuff. I was so angry that my mum wasn't there with me. She had gone off back to the hotel with my dad. Don't really want to know what they were doing. I was just looking around. In Guess, they had new things in there. Just try to imagine how I feel. Going in there and just looking at the same thing again and again. Well, to expect my boyfriend to get me that stuff is totally useless. But it's ok. When the day ended, I was still bugging my mum about shopping. This all happened on friday and saturday. Sunday came without us noticing it. As my mum walked into the house, I already started bugging her about the stuff I wanted. So she told me to go to klcc and shopped with my sister over there. Using her credit card. Before that, she was telling me to only buy whatever I thought was neccessary. Hehehe. To me, everything is important and crucial. So I must buy it all. I bought quite a few things. I had fun today. This are the things that I bought today,

1. Guess bag.
2. 4 pieces of MNG clothes.
3. 7 pieces of Zara Clothes.
4. 1 Morgan perfume.
5. Limited Edition, Missy elliot jacket.
6. Limited Edition, Missy Elliot blouse.
7. Limited Edition, Missy Elliot shoes.
8. Limited Edition, Missy Elliot mini skirt.

I can't wait till my mum gets the bill. She's going to freak out and start shouting. I don't really mind though. I did abuse the card. Plus, my eardrums are numb by her screaming to me everyday. So it'll be fine. Unless she slaps me. Oh no!! I should have thought about everything first. This is why I hate shopping. The consequences. It's so annoying. How everything has its ending. But I know I loved every single thing that I bought. So i'm glad.

After shopping, we went to Dome for a late lunch. I called Izzat and he happened to be at the same place. He was in Klcc. I told him to come and see me at Dome. So he spent a bit of time over there with me. Then he was off. I was walking down the escalator and I saw adib. He was with his little brothers. They were so adorable as always. Nothing much was done today. Besides going shopping. Oh!! When we got back from Klcc, we had a short rest and we were off to the grocery store to get some stuff for the house. My sister and I came across a foot reflexology place. Decided to try it out. The place was done nicely. The only problem was the massaging. It wasn't that good. Maybe because I had tried one of the best one. Therefore, when they did it. It didn't feel like anything. Everything was fine. Got home and started chatting online. Got to know about a boy who I dont know was talking about me behind my back!! I don't even know this guy. One of izzat's school mate. *pfft* He must have nothing better to do. But he's like a girl then. I'm a bit ticked off about that. Ticked off at the fact that Izzat didn't tell me and not doing anything about it. If he's not going to do anything about it. Then I will.

The night grew older, Izzat and I were talking on the phone like always. I actually planned to go over his house tonight. I had no reasons to do so. But I wanted to surprised him. Until, mazhar had to come back and interrupt it. Oh well, i'll allow him to go see him. My reasons are very personal. Of why I want to see him. So yeah. But that's it. It's my mistake that I didn't give him hints. To think about it, even if I did give him hints, he wouldn't even get it. In the end, i'll just get pissed at him. Everyday I've been having weird dreams. Sometimes very nice one. I had a dream that Izzat came into my room and brought me flowers and sang to me. How I wish that dream was true? It can never be. So let's just get over it, shall we? *haish* Love can hurt so much sometime. But I rather feel the pain now. It's good that I taste the bitterness of life, just how I taste the sweetness of it. A thought came to my mind today. But I forgot what was it. Until then, I'll have to go and get some rest. I'm falling sick. Tomorrow is going to be a day packed with shit. So stay tuned for more update on my life. Love.

-dkm

Holidays!

Holidays has started two weeks ago. How has it been going? Well, not that great. I know many of us were excited for the holidays to come when we were having our exams going on. But now, as we all are in holidays. It's actually very boring. Nothing to do, everyday the same thing. Wake up and do nothing. Unless, you are so organized that you will have your whole 3 months planned out! Which is practically impossible!! All I know is that, my holidays has got its ups and downs. But when it comes to Izzat, it's all great. I have spent time with him a lot. All the time that I do, it has never been a bad one. It has always been so great!! I have to say that, I love him. I won't say how much I love him because once I do, it'll just limit the amount that I do.

Going on to the next thing, just yesterday I went to sunway with parent, ezzat and Izzat. It was alright. First day, I had fun with ezzat. Just the two of us. Sister and brother bonding. We went ice-skating then archery. Went shopping for Izzat's present. Hehe. Ezzat and I took like 3 hours to wrap it!! Pretty cool huh?! Well, anyways, as we were ice skating, ezzat was always about to fall. DUh!! He doesn't know how to ice skate. Not like me! PRO!! Weeeee.. He kept on pulling me and holding on to my jacket. After that we were off to archery, we had fun there. Non of us got the bull's eye. But we tried our best. Plus, we tried to imitate Legolas from Lord Of The Rings. WHich in the end turned out pretty bad. We basically failed!! Failure!! Reject!! We were not born to be an archer!!

Second day was a bit stupid. Mama was scolding me about Ezzat. As usual! I got annoyed and just slammed the door while she was talking. I have no idea why but everytime Ezzat is with mama, he'll act all dumb and spoilt! When he is just around me and my sister, he'll be fine!! I hate that! The attitude is really annoying and irritating! Today we went to the wetpark. Went on one slide and I went to Klcc.

Klcc, I saw adib and kasheef. Many jokes were exchanged between the three of us. Had a lot of fun with them. While I was doing that, Izzat was back at home sick. Poor boy!! I tried to make him feel better yesterday by feeding him panadols. I guess I failed at that too. Soon after, I got bored with Klcc and went to ampang poing to play some foosball. Over there, I met zamier, syahmi and the same people again. Played some foosball and went to have my dinner. After dinner, I came home. I just feel like being home because parents aren't home. So it's the best time, if you know what i mean!! Well that's it folks. Pretty boring huh? Tell me about it!! *phew*

I miss farah a lot. I hope she's happy that i've updated my blog. Love you sayang!!
-dkm
p.s: I still love Mohd Izzat Hazim!! He is the one and only in my heart, mind and soul!!

Going under through a lot of stress..

Gosh, I just realized that I haven't updated my blog for like so long. I've been so busy. Not with my boyfriend alone. With everything else. It includes work, getting scolded by everyone, ezzat's kenduri and loads more. Tomorrow is going to be the day that I will know whether or not I'll be a permanent prefect. Want to know what it says in my heart. A definite NO!! I won't even get sports captain. This two things are really important to me. But I didn't prove to the people that I was capable of doing it. So it's partly my fault of course. One thing for sure is that, when I don't get it. I'd feel as if the whole world is crumbling upon me. No friends of mine could be the pillar to hold it up. It'll be the worst day of a teenager's life. My self-confidence would drop to zero. Just like the day when I didn't get to be the chairperson of the prom comittee. It's all the same. I don't know what else to do. I know i'll be all dramatic. I won't be able to help it though. I really can't stop thinking about it. Whenever I do think about it, my heart beats will increase the pace.

I've been really stressed out. Mum have been giving me a lot of shit. As in lectures and scoldings. I get annoyed but I can't do anything. It seems to me as if she will try to get her every bit of oppurnity to just tick me off. As for my brother, it's about the same now. I told him about the occasions in the school. He won't believe me. He assumes that i'm saying all those things just to run away from work. I've been working at the same time for him. I've been an auditor at his store. He's going to partner up with his god mother to run a comic bookstore. It's really cool. I have to write down the barcodes and do stock check. It is a hectic work. But whoever said that work was going to be easy right? I'm not complaining. I have fun at work. Just that sometimes, when my brother starts shouting, i'll lose my mood and feel angry. Like today, when he was accusing me of lying. I felt really upset and angry. Because I was telling the truth.

Holidays are basically ruined by the people in my family. I wonder why they just cant see me have an easy life. My parent busted me texting izzat saying that my mum is a bitch. Of course i meant it then. What do you expect? I was really angry you know. From last week. She never missed not scolding me. It was as if a daily routine. *sigh* I get really sick and tired of it.

Dreams of mine have been really scary and freaky. I'm not able to sleep peacefully at night because of it. Every night, i'll dream of all the negative things. I hate it. I don't know how to control my dreams though. Plus, i'll wake up feeling really tired and stressed out. Oh gosh, I just hate it. Sometimes, i do feel like taking sleeping pills. but i fear that i might get addicted to it. I know i will. I am addicted to drugs. Heheehe.

I really do miss Farah and Kaly though! I havent been talking to them for so long. I wonder what they're up to. All of us have been busy with our own lives. Kaly and Farah have got college life to run. For me, my holidays i've got so much to do. Ezzat's kenduri is coming near. Well, I have nothing else to write for this post. I'll post up more. I'm sorry for not updating it earlier.
-dkm

Camp!

Camp was a disaster. Guess what they did to me. As we all know, my school life has not been all that great right? I know for a fact that, in my batch alone all of them dislike me. They all have their own reasons which I do not want to know. I refuse too. Because you don't get hurt if you dont know. So at camp, everything was going fine on the first day. I cooked for my team and i'm glad they all liked it. I was shocked myself when i found out that the food tasted good. It was awesome actually. Hehehe. All of my friends were stuffed. Thank god. I wonder what would happened to me if they all had stomach ache by the end of the night. They'll hate me more.

I got a bit sick. I hate bad headaches and I couldn't do much. One of the reason that i fail becoming a prefect. *sigh* Let's move on to the second day. Well, they practically interviewed each and everyone of us. Asking about our personal lives. So we had to answer it with obligation. Among the whole batch that went, i was the only one to say that i wanted to get married. At the age of twenty-one. All of them didnt want to get married. Hehehe. It was rather odd though. They had this thing where all of us had to close our eyes and imagine the scenario that was dictated by the teacher. We had to imagine and see what would we do if we were in that situation or dilemma. It goes like this, we were having a birthday party and we could only choose 3 friends to bring. So we all had to choose 3. All this three must come from the people who were in the camp. I didn't have anybody at camp. Wasn't close to any of them. So I couldn't choose. Then, they told us to choose only one among the three. Everyone made their choice. They told us to open our eyes and walk to the person that we've chose. I didn't stand up. Noone touched me. I didn't expect anything so i wasnt upset or anything. After that, the teachers told those people who didn't get touched to stand up. I proudly stood up and wasnt afraid of anything. What was there to be embarrassed about? They asked me how i felt. I just kept quiet. They assume i was upset. Then, everyone just stared at me. They asked me what was going on in my mind. They kept on bugging me abt that. At last, i told them. I let it all out. Came along my tears with it. I told them that i was afraid to get hurt by my friends. That's why i wanna leave things as it is. I cried a lot. Non stop. I needed my best friend farah. But she wasn't there for me. So i had to keep it to myself. It was really bad. Everyone had to stand up and shake hands with each other. And a hug. Everyone hugged each other. I hugged everyone and cried even more. Some of them were my close friends last time. I've missed them so much. I couldn't do anything though. It was by far the most depressing moments. Everyone told me how they felt towards me. Apparently, they all love me. They're just afraid to be close to me. It's definitely a stupid reason. Nini came to hug me. I cried more when that happened. **gosh** I wish we were all friends again. I'm too soft sometimes. I'm just happy that i've got my friends outside that can help me!! I love you all. My brothers, sisters, all of you!!!! Thanks for being there for me. Eventhough im such a pyscho. Hehehehe.
-dkm

One month anniversary!!!

Oh gosh, my one anniversary was awesome! Izzat brought me to Klcc. We stood under the lights of the building. When the clock striked 12am. He said the most sweetest thing. I loved it. I was flushed by all the words that came from his mouth. The whole surroundings were so romantic. I never knew he would do that. He kneeled down on the floor. Hehehe. Infront of everyone. I was a bit shy. I couldn't show it though. I will never forget that day. It was the most mesmerizing one yet. I love him so much. I miss him so much. Izzat, you are mine and will always be. I won't say forever but you get what i mean sayang. Our love is strong. But if another girl interrupts it. You know what would happen to your pretty boy face. The whole of ampang will be out there to get you. Don't break my heart. What you did was sweet and forever it will be appreciated. Just wait till i do mine. Let's see if you can challenge it. Our relationship is all about challenge. hehehe. Love you sweetie.
-dkm

Izzat.. (poem)

Be gentle: What you're holding is my heart.
Remember in your honesty my pride.
If you don't want to see me, please don't hide,
The truth, yet tell it with some art.
Though you may not have asked for me to call.
A single leap of hope must be allowed.
Not easily are shy songs sung out loud.
Yet now I wait alone outside your wall.
-dkm

Life sucks!

I hate my mum. Why does she have to be some a dumb bitch? Why can’t she just be a mum? I hate it when she talks to me with all the shouting and screaming. I just wish she lose her voice and she won’t be able to talk. You would figure that I’m typing this out of anger. But right now I don’t really care. I feel like running away from my house. I know for a fact that, it would do any good. It won’t make things any better. I hate my life now. My holidays are ruined by that stupid bitch. As I write this, I’m crying my eyes out. Papa was just talking to me all fine. Until my mum came and started her bitching. What is her problem? Just because I don’t talk to her as much as last time. The reason why I don’t talk to her that much is because she keeps on talking about my sister. I don’t like it. I mean, I don’t like my own family talking about the other members in the family. Why can’t she have some respect? She needs to respect one and another in order to get some respect from another person. My feelings right now is depressed. I’m grounded until my school starts. The only reason why I’m grounded is because I don’t participate doing my little brother’s party. I mean, she doesn’t wake me up and she wants to be all fucked up. Why can’t she just leave me alone? I hate her so much. Every time I talk to her, it has always been about my sister. I need my boyfriend so much now. I called him just now but I just couldn’t talk. I’m so upset. I hate my life! It has always been shit for me. All these years that I’ve lived, it has always been that when my love life is great, my family screws me up. Is it wrong for me not to want hear what my mum has to say about my sister. I know she’s bitter because I’m not close to her. I was surprised that my brother was trying to comfort me when he saw me crying. Which I still am crying right now. She is such a dumb bitch. There will never be a time that I love her to death. I’m only sixteen and she expect me to be twenty-one. She wants me to start working with my brother. She thinks it’s all good treating her family members like how she treats her stuff at the office. I don’t mind her controlling us like the business way. But there’s no need to be all over. Her mouth just can’t stop bitching. I HATE HER. I may be saying this out of anger. All I know is that, right now I really her. I need someone to talk to. But I really don’t know who to call. Izzat is at brewball, so I don’t want to disturb him. I can’t really talk. I really do feel like running away from my house. My mum always has something to say. She always think that she’s right. When I say she’s wrong, she’ll twist the story to make me the fool. What the hell does she think about my brains. She has to know that, I’m a deep thinker. She keeps on thinking that I’m a dumb girl. Maybe not dumb, like really stupid and pathetic. I’m not going to speak to her. I want to avoid her as much as I can. I’ll help with all the bullshit but that’ll be it. Nothing more. I hate the fact that she keeps on comparing herself with me. Who the hell does she think she is? I know she’s my mother and she had to go through nine months of labour. My dad says that he wants to disown me. The reason to that is because I’m useless. For heaven sake, I’m on holidays. It has always been about the boys in the family. She never does care about my sister and I. Just yesterday she said she only needs to worry about the boys in the family because the girls are already haywire. I don’t think so. She thinks that way because both my sister and I don’t talk to her. There’s nothing to talk about. We don’t have any of the same interest. So what is there to talk about. My sister is it? I wish she could read this but because of the other blogs, I can’t do that. This would be the longest thing I’ve wrote. But I really need to let it out. Tomorrow, I’m going to be all bitter towards her. I’ve always been the type of girl who doesn’t be angry for days. But we’ll see about it now. I’m not going to talk to her nor am I going to see her face. I’ll just stay in my room and just be all bitchy. Every time she talks to me, when she is angry at me. She will always prolong the whole conversation. And make everything a big deal. My dad of course would just go with her. As if he doesn’t have a brain of his own. But what to do, parent are like that. I’m not sure whether they’re doing this for my own good or not. I can’t do anything if I’m useless. They can’t expect me to be all perfect right. I wish I wasn’t born in this world. Why did my parents have me. My mum loves to screw up my life. She scolds me about if almost everything. I literally mean everything!! She loves talking about my sister. I have a feeling that she is intimidated by my sister. The reason to that is because, my sister has got her own way of thinking and she’s the only one that has the best heart. As for my mum, her way of thinking is pretty logical. But almost impossible. She thinks that she is so intelligent. Well, my ass!!! If she is so smart, then why doesn’t she think about how her daughters feel every time she talks about us. My brother used to be like that. Like exactly like her. Suddenly, he changed. Well, thank god for that. I don’t understand my mum. I would never. How can she be such a hypocrite to her own family. Isn’t that so pathetic. I mean, at least talk to us in front of our faces. She must be scared to do that. I’ve decided that, I’m going to go with the flow. Plus, I know that if my sister and I team up against our mother. We will win without a doubt. She is nothing compared to us. All she knows is screaming, screaming!! Doesn’t she have a life. I’m pretty immune to her shouting. My ear drums are numb. Sooner or later, I will become deaf because of her. She thinks my sister is weird. Soon enough, she’ll think the same about me. I can’t wait till that day comes. I’ll be so happy and I won’t stop laughing. It’ll be the best day of my life. She thinks we’re weird just because we don’t talk to her. I don’t know why I have a mother like this. She runs her family like she runs the business. To her, everything is about business. I learnt in Islamic class that, it’s wrong to run the family that way. It should be two separate things in life. My mum, of course does not understand that. She thinks she’s always right. Well, we’ll see soon enough. I’m sick and tired of listening to her lectures. It’s about the same bullshit. Why can’t she just spend time with me and try to listen to what I have to say. Then, maybe she would understand me. Instead, we need to adapt to her alone!! Does she think that the whole world revolves around her? Could this be a teenager life? Someone once told me that, once I reach sixteen I’ll be all fine and good. Well, in a few months I’ll be sixteen. We’ll see. If my life is still bitchy then I guess, the assumption that was made was wrong. Fuck that!! Why is this happening to me. What mistake have I made. Yes, I know I go out a lot. It’s because the school holidays. I had enough crying. My tears are really running cry. Should I just go with life and pretend as if nothing is happening. I guess so. What’s the point of being bitter for the rest of my life. No fun is that huh. I will remember this day. I was surprised that no one beat me up or anything. Papa sent me a message as if he wanted to whack me up. I hate my life right now. I won’t even get to see my boyfriend as much now. But I really am surprised that my dad didn’t even scream. He was just like talking to me very nicely. I’m really shocked!! But whatever ah…

Guilt-

Sayang, I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I swear to you that, many apologies are thought. I didn’t mean to make you so angry. I know yesterday was the worst. I’ve never seen you lose your patience like that. I really needed that. I know I made faces but I needed that. If it wasn’t for you, I would have been out of my mind. Thank god you were there for me. I don’t know how to make it up to you. I feel so guilty. Even though we’re alright now. I know for a fact that, deep inside you’re still mad and upset with me. I may not remember what I did yesterday. To me, it was just dancing. That’s how I dance. I figured that you may be angry because I was dancing with ‘him’. And the fact that he likes me. Sayang, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. He doesn’t like me anymore. I know you’re not going to read this. But this is how I really feel. I’m not really good at saying this to your face. I’m even more intimidated by you from the incident that happened yesterday. You have controlled me. I know that I always tell you that I don’t like it but I’m glad that I’ve someone who can actually control me. Every time I talk to you, it makes me so happy. With your jokes and just your voice. You are so irresistible. I still can’t believe that I’m with you. To tell you the truth, I don’t think I actually deserve a guy like you. You’re like the angel sent from above baby. I don’t know how to make it up to you. Sooner or later, I will figure it out. You’ll see.
-dkm

Just the last one!..!..!

Well, there is one more exam to be done with. After that, summer holidays are coming. What are my plan? Absolutely nothing! I hate this. Every time summer holidays come, I’m always blank about what to do. I guess I’ll just stay in this boring country and try to find something to do. Parents has got some stuff organized for me. Like driving lessons and shit. But that’s all going to be really boring. Plus, they’re forcing me to go to gym. One thing I need to finish in the holidays is planning my sweet 16 party. I need it to be really grand and something I will remember for the rest of my life. Right now, I’m not even sure what theme I’m going to begin with. *sigh* So many things to do, so little time. I realized that time passes by so fast as my exams are going on. Exams are going as usual tomorrow. I’ve got one paper in the morning and I’m leaving school early. The only thing to look forward to right now is the post. Who would get the sports captain post? I think I know who. Rumors has it that it’s going to be that girl that I despise. *sigh* well, I cant do anything to change that, can i? The only thing I can do now is just wait patiently and see who is going to get it. I know for a fact that, if I don’t get it. I will break down and cry. I’ll be exactly the same as how I was on the day they announced who got the chairperson for the prom committee. No matter how much I don’t want to bring my ego down, I really cant help myself. *pulling my hair* Why am I so confident that I wont get it. Maybe because I just wont. *laughing with sarcasm* Oh well, on the 14th of July, we’ll just have to see. I want my whole family to be there with me. Whether or not I get that position, I want my family to see me cry and show them how much I wanted that post. It could be my luck. Maybe I wont get it because I had my chance when I was in junior school. Things like these doesn’t happen twice in life. So it’s understandable.

I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I know that I’m really tired and sleepy. Because I only had two hours of sleep yesterday. I went to school and did my exams with my brain still asleep. Can you believe it? I can barely do it but I tried my best. That’s it for today. Stay tune for more update. In case anything happens tonight, I know I’ll write it here. Hehehe..
-dkm

Such a randy..(random)

A random thing as usual. You know how girls tend to dress up and put on make up just to impress their loved ones. Well, I don’t think that is necessary at all. I mean, if a person loves you they would love you for who you are. Not for your make up or your style. For a fact I know that style does matter to some people. For instant, me. In order for me to get attracted to a guy, he needs to have style to catch my eyes. If not style, then it must be something on him. I won’t naturally get attracted to his personality first. I admit that I’m the kind of girl that goes for look first then personality. Some who may think I’m ugly would say, “what is she talking about?”. Well, although I know I don’t have much of the looks yet I still like guys with looks. I mean, someone is the relationship has to shine right. There’s no need to waste your money and energy on dressing yourself up for you boyfriend or girlfriend. Of course before you get with them then you must be a bit conscious about your looks and style. But after you get with them, who gives a fuck right? Just be yourself and show your true colours. Maybe then, they would love you even more. More than you can imagine. Image in this world is a very important thing. Not forgetting about reputation, that’s also one of the most inevitable thing in life. No one wants a bad reputation to stay with them right. They would always want to be known as something good or great. Status is also important to teenagers nowadays. I have to admit this as well, when I was younger I used to keep on thinking about my status and reputation. One day, I woke up and just gave that all up. It’s not worth it. If you keep on thinking about you reputation and status, you will tend to be something that you’re not. Believe it or not. Guess that’s it for this post. Will continue more later. Hehe. Loving the life I’m in right now. Just now, maybe not in the near future. You never know what’s coming for you. I won’t be prepared, I’ll just face it when it comes. I don’t want to be so meditated. **lalalalalallal**
-dkm