Imperfections Of A Boy

He is beautiful, so very beautiful
just like a winter's shining landscape,
as delicate as the petals of a daisy,
and as freely as the eagle soaring against the blue.

His eyes are as mysterious as the calm sea
everything about him is so very precious,
more precious than all the gems in the world.
His soul is the essence of the sky and earth,
his feelings are a volcano that is yet to explode
his smile is the smile of lost innocence.

Pain vibrates deep inside at his gentle heart.
A lock shuts in the disturbed thoughts of his mind,
a mind with as many roads as the world has
I look at him and i see a pure truth,
like looking at a clear night sky,
millions of stars twinkle within him.

He is beauty as i defined it,
he is perfect, his imperfections make him so.
He is my good friend, and i love him.
I love him although, not because.

And i would give up all the things which i think are pretty,
If only i can hold his beauty within me,
For he is everything in this world,
And i have found a world in him.

-Princess Pinkie-

The longest pain that i've had in with me..

Wouldn't be like this for an attitude like mine. I would love to turn back time when I knew I had everything beside me. I would love to keep on wishing knowing that it would come true. I would love to keep on hoping for something new in my life. It's all up to god. The obstacles that I go through are so painful that I would think that it would be the end for me soon. Then again, I would just look back at those times when I had so much fun, and it overcomes all the anger, hatred and tragic that happened. Alright, this past few weeks was sure hell for me. In school and out. Although, it seems like i'm having a blast but that's all a pretence that almost all of us have to go through to survive in this bitchy world. A little mistake that we do would be emphasize by others, but every good deed we do would be easily forgotten. So many people around me are having problems which i cant really solve. Sometimes, i feel like i'm so useless and ill end up being one of the people on the streets not knowing anything. Its so funny how people get judged so fast even without them talking to one and another. Why are people so jugdemental. Is everything in this world about the looks, about the outside and nothing at all about the inside of a person. Why do you need to keep a good reputation? Why is it so important for people to keep a high status of themselves? Why is the title infront of a name so important, besides that it tells people from which family and generation you're from? Why do people get so proud when they have all the money in the world? Why are we so shallow? We are humans, we are equal but why do we sometime think too much about something that is wrong. I dont like being myself anymore. It's painful, but what can i do. I dont even realize half of the things i do anymore.
**confused**
-dkm

One of those memorable times...

It was great to see you again. To remember how much fun we've always had together. To cherish the times that we've had all these years. To see your face and just smile back at you. To laugh with you and at the same time teasing you. Knowing some of the way people think, i might be talking about a guy. (sorry, you might think im homo now) Anyways, today was another day that i dont often get. There were some bitching along side but gee, whats the a day without it huh? In Klcc was just amazing. After not seeing her for just a few days, yet we can still have a total blast and go nuts. It was fun taking going down the memory lane with you. I liked it, infact i loved it. It was funny how we act when we were 12 years old. It was a long time ago, but i could remember it as if it was just yesterday. Yeah a lot of people might say that. Its actually very easy to say those kind of things but how many of them actually mean it. It's always good to have someone by your side and know that they love you as much as you love them. So it makes as if noone is missing out on anything. Loving someone is hard but it will not be as hard as to trust someone. Especially for me, it'll be one of the hardest thing to do in life. (from experienced) From my own perspectives, everyone would get to taste the bitterness of life as they do taste the sweetness of it. It may not be soon but you wont see coming. Just be prepared for anything, for a matter of fact, be ready for any substance that is headed your way. Without this one special person in my life, i would have gone weaker and weaker by the day. Thanks to her, she picked me up and told me that there's still life to live for. And make it to the fullest. I know that is true, but i thought to myself and say 'why waste time? i mean you only live to die'. But i guess thats how un-educated being would think. right? It's amazing how you only discover your true friends after many years. Just dont get deceived by looks people! You'll regret it. It is quite sad how im still being playful and havent tasted what love is all about. I felt so awkward as they were talking about love in the group. I couldn't say anything nor could i add my own opinions to it. due to the reason that, I'VE NEVER FALLEN IN LOVE! Some people may think its sad, whilst others actually want to live my life. By having all the boys and playing them out. But its not an easy job. I love doing it but i want to fall in love and actually cry cuz i love him. Not for any other reasons. But i guess thats hard to find. People may be in denial of true love. Some won't be able to find it till they die. and some would think it doesnt exist. I think it does! Cause, you can see it around the world. Just gotta go a bit deeper with your thoughts. Can you believe that the person writing this has not fallen in love? I mean, how sad is that? I felt really emotional to the reason that i havent fallen in love. But i guess, thats just my luck now isnt it? Well, as for the conclusion of this whole fact is that, i'm just going to live my life the way i like it. I'll try to compromise for some people but i'm not about to cater for everybody in this world. Cause if i were to do that, then my name wouldnt be deena. It'll be something a bit softer that would show the soft and really feminine charecteristic. Alright alright. I guess thats it for today. I think this would be by far the longest one ive wrote. Stay tune for more update on MY LIFE!.. Thank you for your time, love the world and world peace. (sound like a model) *YUCK*

-dkm-

Why can't I love you?

Crying in this seat of mine,
Having you in my complicated mind,
Ive always wanted a boy like you,
And finally after what ive been through,
I found the perfect ingredients,
Of all the right beautiful treatments.

Why can't i have you?
It makes my heart split into two,
Just something in your eyes,
Makes me realize,
things i thought that i would never discover,
yet, after this sparkling feeling we still aren't together.

Why must there be a brick-wall between us?
I wonder is this love or lust?,
But is this the right for me to ask,
while i hide under this hideous mask,
being shadowed under the dark light,
you came and made it bright.

I ponder about you how you feel,
but i just keep my lips sealed,
the kisses you gave me was amazing,
the aftermath of it was just mesmerizing,
i guess we just have to live with it,
ill just wait and sit.

-from the mind of dkm-

The person ive lost..

I'm not really sure where to start, but ill begin this story by saying that, no matter what i love you at the same time i hate you.

(most of you might think that im talking abt a guy but its actually abt a gurl, my ex bestfriend)

Once upon a time, i used to have a bestfriend whom i loved and cherish so much. We were friends for 4 years, we would have our sides arguement along the way. But we're only human. She was the person that i really loved and treasured. In the end, its all full of shit!! I mean, i showered her with tender, love and care. I helped her with many things in her life. Including, money issues. Plus, she never had self-confidence and she always thought of herself as an ugly girl. Of course at that time, i told her she's not. Plus, she had a problem with her smell and everything else. I know you might be mad cause im basically broadcasting it to the whole world. But why the heck do i care, since you're like living your life when you already screwed up mine to the max. I hope you are happy for what you've done. I cant believe you did that to me. I regret doing all those things for you. But at the same time, i'm happy cuz i know now that im able to help people with mental problems. It's unbelieveable after how much things ive shared with her and how much things we've discovered, she could still ignore me in the end and practically left me hanging to find out what was going on. It was just pure stupidity of how she didnt want to confront me and i just had to bring myself to her level and cried to her feet and ask her what was going on. I've never in my life done that nor will i do it again for any cause. It's pretty unfair for me to be left alone, and just not do anything. When this happens to you, then you know how i feel. It happens so fast like a lightning strike my house and it got burnt down in like a few seconds. Wherever she's standing right now, its all thanks to me. I know im praising myself but its the truth. Ive discovered that there's nomore truth in this world. Noone in this world is original anymore. Everything has been said and done. I've always admired my ex bestfriend but because, she did this to me i actually hate her. I always see her walking around in school thinking that she's all that. But i know in the inside her insecurities will eventually shadow her fake image. I'm hurt to know that she's actually alright and not feel a single bit of regret in herself of what she has done to me. But who am i to say this right? I know its not right, but i am so bitter to most things in the world right now just because of her. I'm not able to trust anybody that easily and plus, she's spoke about me to my friends. How dumb can you be? For god sake, why cant anyone love me as much as i love them? But i've found out the few friends that i can trust. and i hope that the trust and honesty would stay there forever. Its really a sad thing. this kinda seemed like self-pity bullshit. Yeah i guess thats what im doing, atleast im admitting it. I dont really have another way to express this. I went through depression for 2 weeks in a row. I may look happy in school and other places. When i settle down in a quiet place, in my room, i'd start thinking about her and just think that almost all of my memories are with her. Thats one of the things that also hurt me. Is just the thought of it hurts me as if ive fallen deep into a hole and can never climb back up. I lost most of my friends in school because of her. Thanks to her mouth which is so dirty, filthy and stinky. I hate you, nini!! I would never forgive you for what you've done to me. I will never be able to see us being friends ever again even if you kneel down and kiss me feet. It'll never happen. I just hate you so much to the extend that i feel like killing you. I'm sorry guys, if you read this im sure you can just feel the anger and tragic in it. But thats what its all about.
-dkm

Ive been deceived by my own game..

You may think the person you like is the person that you would love most at that point in time. Trust me, the person i thought i liked turned out to be a person that i just love talking to and love hanging out with and just adore him for every single thing. You might think that im saying this because i couldnt get him. But i thought again, and said to myself, if i tried hard enough i will get him. I realized that, i dont want to nor i refused to. I just love him as who he is and nothing more. In the beginning i thought he was the perfect one, he was a duplicate of me. The missing half of me. Oh boy!! how wrong was i to even think of that? I mean, at this age i wonder who could be the one for me. For the past 4-5 years, ive been playing with boys' heart. I know in my heart it is wrong, but it is something that i cant help. Cuz it could be that im just a philanderer. Did i even spell that right? Well, who cares. I love playing around and just flirting around. There are some whom i was faithful too. But yet, in the end it'll end up we hating each other for the most stupidest reason. I was thinking to play around with these guy that i thought i liked. But as i was playing the game, i realized that he was winning it all. And i just kept on falling and falling. So i know how it feels now. I'm sorry for those boys. One thing everyone should know is that, its quite excruciating to keep on playing games. and at one point, you can just give up and take a deep breath and think what the fuck? so yeah, i regret doing those things to those guys. but i couldnt think wisely, altho some would think im matured. but not in all aspects. everybody may be matured but not in everything. only in things that they have experienced in.
-dkm

same shit, different day..

Another day has passed by, but same things happening. Before going into the negative things that had happened, let me tell you that the B.M paper for o levels are the bomb! I'd like to thank the person who set the paper. Going on to the next issue, i'd like to thank those people out there who are pissing me off by complaining about me in school. I know i did a great job as a prefect, but you are all just jealous. Pure jealousy are not needed in a prefectorial bored. It annoys me how i look at people and they're just in one group laughing at something. Somehow, you just know that they're talking about you. I hate that feeling. I hate the feeling of being alone in school. But i have everything outside school, so why do i still worry? I dont understand why the teachers in my school are such hypocrites. How stupid and idiotic can they be? I mean, you teachers are not suppose to have favouritism! For god sake! Yeah but i guess regarding this issue, thats about it. I want to say sorry to people that i shouted to today, it was not an oh-so-wonderful-day for me. So yeah, please do try and understand the dilemma that im going through right now.
-dkm

The love of my life..

I have found out the truth about this world only now as i write this. It is not always the way you want it to be. I will always think that like is full of shit but at the same time, you could make it a bit captivating and intriguing. For some people, when they find love they think they would be happy for the rest of their life. Now, i sometime wonder whether that would be true or not. I mean, i cant jugde it now of course cause i havent found something i love so much that i would die for. Oh actually i have, its actually food. *hehe* Ok ok its not funny but maybe there are something else in this world that im yet to discovered. It would be one of the most exhilirating experience of my life. Love for me as this age is nothing. I wont find it nor would i feel it. All i know is that, i love my family and friends. Thats it. It ends there. Nothing goes further than that. I guess. I could be wrong tho. I envy some of my friends who found love at a very young age. But it may be lust at the same time. So we can never judge it. I dont know, i could be a very confused little gurl like i am always. I end up doing the wrong things sometimes. It annoys me and my friends sometimes. But the annoyance could always built up and turn into something else. I like being myself, i dont know why people hate it tho. to think about it thoroughly i do know. But i dont get it why. I mean, everyone in the world is unique so whats wrong with me? Some people maybe nice and the others maybe bitches. But thats what makes the whole world go around. Plus, if everyone was nice then why do we live? Many questions are floating in my head. But does it matter to you people. forget it.
-dkm

The beggining...

Well for starters, i started this blog thing because of my baby princess farah. I love her to death. But i'm not really sure what to write in this thing. I'll learn the right thing sooner or later. As for today, my day was just horrible. It could get worse but it was just so excruciating. I had my teacher's day today and i was the MC for the whole day. Both head of the comittee screwed up the speech so therefore, all the blame was put on me and all fingers were pointed at me. I guess it wasnt a really lucky day for me. Thus, i had this bloody pain full stomach cramp!! So i went back home early and slept almost the whole day. When i woke up, i still felt angry and upset due to the reason of what happened today. But i had my extra backbone to pick me back up and do something about it. And there was a special someone that also talked to me and made me all hyper active again. But most credit must be given to bestie, farah! I love her to death and would always. Life for in this month has not been all beautiful and with butterflies. Its all so dull and full of anger. There are games here and there, dont worry im still keeping my playeristic charecter up. Haha. For most of you who knows me well, i just love playing games. Once it gets serious, thats when i do some shit which i dont even realize and would regret in the end. To end this, ill just have to say.. today was the worse teacher's day ever.. thanks to my head of comitte.. i know i shouldnt be blaming anyone but because they really were the one who screwed it up, i just had to say that!!

-dkm