A good day has finally came to catch me. I've never felt this feeling before. Today, I had a time on my own. I was talking to my family and some other friends. Along the time I was talking to them, I keep on getting useful informations and put it in my head. There are many things that were exchanged and I am so glad that it actually is happening now. I thought I had to wait for years to come. Maybe I have paid all those tears that the guys cried for me when I was so cruel to them.
It all started with a phone call. HE didn't call me the whole day and I just needed people to tell me that HE loves me and that I am really lucky and so on. I had people doing that for me the whole day, just for the sake of me putting it in my head. We had a plan to go the movies today, but it got cancelled because he was too busy. For the frist, I didn't fight about it. I am proud of that.
I was hanging out with my sister, little brother, mum but mostly my dad. We had a really long conversation at the restaurant in desa pandan. It was not planned but that's the best thing about being spontaneous. He told me a lot of things that would be useful to me. I spoke to some other people online and they shared their problems with me. They shared their emotions and I gave them some advices.
While I was doing that, Izzat would have been probably be sleeping or try to get his mind off things. I didn't call him the whole day, wanted to give him the space. I called him only once but then never again. I got to know from his sister that he was back over at his dad's house. Yet, I didn't call him straight away because I figured that maybe he would need time to settle down and just relax. Once I thought it was the time to call, I called him.
He picked up the phone and had a conversation going on. Suddenly, he asked me for a break. He told me that he needed it really badly, in order for him to find himself again. I didn't agree on it since he caught me off guard and I was totally shocked at his decision. He has always been the one that doesn't want to go on a break. Now he does. While talking to him, I was at a club called Sugar. I thought of maybe having a bit of fun. It turned bad when I spoke to him because I was crying. After all the bullshit talk from me, I hung up the phone.
I wanted to get myself together and just calm myself down and talk to him again later. He told me that the break was starting today and that's when I got really fucked and started thinking really hard about everything. I've done a lot of mistakes that I didn't see. Slowly, I am beginning to see every single one of them. I regretted doing all those shit to him. Because I know he loves me very much just like how I love him. As much as I want this thing to work for me, he wants the same too.
I know now who is Izzat. I don't want to lose him. After being calm and so on, he called me. He told me to pick him up and minutes after that, he changed his mind. But I insisted on seeing him, so I went over his dad's house to just see him for the last time before he goes to bali. When I got into his arms, I felt so warm. Only then I knew that I've never appreciated what I've had infront of me. His lips were so soft and I felt as if we haven't kissed for like a year or more.
I got home and called him. We talk for hours and just laugh together like old times. I have never felt so happy in my life. I told him what my day was about and to tell the truth, I learnt a lot from CLEO magazines!! Hahahaha!! I am about to change myself for this boy. It would show the whole world of how much I love him. I will try to change myself before he gets back from Bali. I hope I won't cause anymore riot for him anymore.
We all need to get back on track again. I know I love him and he loves me too. I will now appreciate everything that he has done or said to me. Because now I am so happy. As I type this down, it is the first time in months that I have a smile on my face writing it down. There are many things in life that I hate but he makes it so different that I start to learn to love again. He will be the only person that can change me for the better.
-dkm
