Another day has passed by but this time things are getting a little better for me. I’m going to have that special someone. I’m going to feel the rush in my body again of chasing a guy and having to become so shy around him. I want to tell the whole world that I am over Izzat and it took me exactly 3 months and 4 days. I guess that’s pretty alright for a first love thing.
I found out that he sort of ran away from home again. I hope the mum realizes at the fact that this time, he didn’t do it for me or with me. I mean, all these time she’s been saying that I’ve been corrupting her son and so on. I proved everyone in his family wrong. Good things do come for you when you just wait for it. I am so happy that it happened. I got a bit worried for him though. I maybe over him but it’s a definite fact that I still love him dearly. Soft pot for him is a guaranteed in my heart.
I have a boyfriend which I don’t really adore so I figured maybe right now is not the right time to have a fixed or permanent boyfriend. I want a guy to be by my side to comfort me at the times I need him but not all the time. I don’t want any commitment to be going on right now. My exams are so close and I need to finish up. Maybe after that, I’ll open up my eyes to go look for someone out there who’ll treat me better.
2 weeks ago I met another guy named alang at hartamas. We were all having really late supper before the love of my life (mareez) went back to England. As I sat there being the only girl, I watched everyone around me being drunk. Knowing me, I don’t drink. Well not all the time, maybe for some occasions. So as I sat there observing everyones’ move I turned to the front and I saw one of our friend came towards us. He brought he so called little brother with him. I stared at him and he was kind of cute. On that day itself I didn’t concentrate on him that much due to the reason that the love of my life was present there as well. So my focus went more to mareez then anyone on that table.
After mareez left, it was the same thing for me again. One day I started thinking about the alang guy and it was a coincidence that I was browsing through my photos and found him in the picture with beng chye. I looked and tried to just remember how he looked like. I was infactuated at the fact that he was so quiet and he had a great smile.
Now, all my friends are hooking me up with him. I feel really shy. I want to call him but I don’t have the guts too. Before I do get any further, I want to find out whether a chance between izzat and I still exist. If it really doesn’t, then maybe I’ll go for this guy. I want to get to know him first and see how well I can communicate with him. Apparently, he’s not fluent with his English and because of that, I’m not very fond of him. I am dying to call him though. I need someone to motivate me. I have enough motivation from mishal, ahnand and beng chye but that’s it. I am still so malu.. It’s so annoying but I am glad that I get to feel this way again…
Right now, as I type this down I’m going to ask Izzat for the last time whether I do or do not have a chance with him. Once his answer has been set then I will then make my decision. For him, it’ll be the last of me. Obviously he won’t regret it even for a bit. After all, I am the one whom he said that is always on the wrong side. Well, he never actually said it directly but I’m sure that’s where the path was leading me to. I miss him.. I don’t want to talk about him but sometimes, it comes out from the blue and that’s why I hate it so much.
The person who I am into now can’t really speak that much of English. Therefore, I don’t know how to actually start the conversation with him. I tried calling him and he picked up the phone but I froze for that moment and I don’t know what to say. I suck in malay and it just isn’t helping me. I ended up talking TO the phone. Literally.
6 more days to my mocks. I want to do well for some subject in mocks and do well for some in o levels. I need to do something about my math though. I am still looking for a tuition teacher that would be dedicated enough to teach me everyday but it’s really hard. I mean, I am not the only student in this world anyway. I can’t wait to call alang but I am so shy!!!
Next thing on my list is to call Izzat for one last time and pop the question to him. I am thinking of begging him for another chance but I’m not sure whether it’s worth it or not. I so want to call farah but I am not sure whether she’s still awake. Because my girlfriends are usually the type to sleep really early. Now I am left with one other girl called emma.
*sigh*
p.s: Decisions hasn’t been made. I’ll be sure to update once it has come into thought.
-dkm
