I am totally blank for today's blog. I have no idea. I didn't learn anything today. I will tell you what happened today. I woke up at 2.30pm. I took a bath and headed to Ampang point. As I reached there, I went to brewball and played some foosball. My everyday routine. The point of me going to Ampang point was to meet my tailor for my birthday dress. I went in there at 3-ish and the fashion designer wasn't there. I had to come back again later. I went to eat my lunch at Taiwan House with Izzat. I ate the same thing like I always do. Beef rice with Ice lemon tea.
As time passes by, I went back up to Brewball, just to accompany pidot. Since it is his birthday, I didn't want to leave him alone over there. Thus, he looked so cute yesterday. His birthday was today. He had a birthday bash by Izzat, zul, tokek, farhan, hayad and me. We all bought 17 eggs and flour. The chase was on after we were done drinking at Hidayah. All of us were running, trying to catch him. Only Izzat got to splat the egg on him. Three of them. He smelled like shit. Everyone started hurling the flour at his face. He was tired and really smelly. I sent him home right after. I'm just scared that, he would do the same thing on my birthday. Which is coming up in like 20 days.
I went to the tailor's today. I gave in the drawing that syahmi did. He was surprised and he would do his very best to fulfil my taste. I'm glad. It'll cost around 2-3k. I think that is pretty cheap. I want to do a matching shoes too. I love it. Tomorrow, I'm going to go and buy the material at Euro Moda. Can't wait till it's half done.
I got home at 7pm, went up to my room and spent time with Izzat. Papa, mama, izzat and I had dinner together at home. Few jokes were exchange in between conversations. The usual. Everyone picks on Deena. Soon after, Izzat had to go home. His mum was already bitching. I couldn't do anything. When Izzat was out of the house, I joined my little brother in the bath tub. Played with bubbles. Cleaned ourselves up and had loads of fun. Bubble, bubbles everywhere. Love it. I did many things today. I'm actually planning to do something tomorrow with Ezzat. Maybe, watch a movie or something. I can't wait till school starts. Unfortunately, it's on my birthday!!! Argghhh!!!
-dkm
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Maturity.. going into adulthood.
From most things I've learnt that, maturity doesn't happen when you start to have pubic hair and when you start having your period. You could only say that you're matured once you have solved a mid life crisis. Which is long to come for most of us. It's not based on how you talk or write. That doesn't show anything. Sometimes, when you change your attitude for the better, it doesn't mean you are matured.
I was wrong to think that I am matured for my age. No one is. There are some people out there, with a very old age who acts like 15 year old. I'm not surprised. You may ponder on how you can judge whether you have matured or not. Well, think about it. Were we born in this world to judge or to live our destiny?
It's funny. A lot of people just love to judge others. I have to admit that I am one of them. I am planning to decrease that a bit and just live my life. Even though you are just living your life, there would still be humans who tries to destroy it. We need to be strong and make our pillars stand out. We can't just fall in and let them crush our lives.
There are many solutions to one problem. We cannot say which one is right or wrong. We can only be guided through the right path or directions. Which ever way we take, in the end we will have the feeling whether it is right or wrong. It may be right for some people and may be wrong for others. Again, who are we to say. These are the things that we need to leave it to GOD's judgement. I know he will make a good one.
-dkm
I was wrong to think that I am matured for my age. No one is. There are some people out there, with a very old age who acts like 15 year old. I'm not surprised. You may ponder on how you can judge whether you have matured or not. Well, think about it. Were we born in this world to judge or to live our destiny?
It's funny. A lot of people just love to judge others. I have to admit that I am one of them. I am planning to decrease that a bit and just live my life. Even though you are just living your life, there would still be humans who tries to destroy it. We need to be strong and make our pillars stand out. We can't just fall in and let them crush our lives.
There are many solutions to one problem. We cannot say which one is right or wrong. We can only be guided through the right path or directions. Which ever way we take, in the end we will have the feeling whether it is right or wrong. It may be right for some people and may be wrong for others. Again, who are we to say. These are the things that we need to leave it to GOD's judgement. I know he will make a good one.
-dkm
Mutiara Internation Grammar School
Mutiara International Grammar School, a school with absolutely nothing to be proud of. I know some schools that have students which is very proud that they are from that school. As for my school, people in there usually keep in a secret. There is nothing in there.
I went to Mutiara when I was 11years old. I just finished my UPSR, which is a local examinations. I joined year 7 when I got there. I could remember my first day like it was last week. Everyone was very friendly and I had a lot of fun. Teachers were nice and pleasant.
Soon enough I found out that, teachers and students were exactly the same. I thought that my last school was bad. I was wrong! Sri Garden was so much better than Mutiara! I miss Sri Garden! Teachers in Mutiara are fucking hypocrites! I hate Mr Shiraz and some other who I can't think of. The ones I love are; Mr raj, Mr Doss, Mr shiva, Mrs Rajan, Ms Sarmistha and also some others who has touched my life. I don't really like any of them in school. I was surprised to find out that even teachers talked about students. And they talk a lot. I can't wait for the day they get busted by the directors. I will make sure of that.
I know I will be finishing school soon. Half of my heart is excited but the other part of it knows that it's going to miss everything about school. Once I'm back in school, I'm going to make the best out of it. I will try not to let anyone get in my way. There will be people who would try to bring me down like they did last term. I should be much stronger now though.
Those kids in Mutiara, the only reason they bitch about another person is because there are very much jealous with what I have or what I am. I'm glad. Therefore, I will let them talk more. It ticks me off everytime I hear they talk about me. But what goes around comes around. I love my life. :)
-dkm
I went to Mutiara when I was 11years old. I just finished my UPSR, which is a local examinations. I joined year 7 when I got there. I could remember my first day like it was last week. Everyone was very friendly and I had a lot of fun. Teachers were nice and pleasant.
Soon enough I found out that, teachers and students were exactly the same. I thought that my last school was bad. I was wrong! Sri Garden was so much better than Mutiara! I miss Sri Garden! Teachers in Mutiara are fucking hypocrites! I hate Mr Shiraz and some other who I can't think of. The ones I love are; Mr raj, Mr Doss, Mr shiva, Mrs Rajan, Ms Sarmistha and also some others who has touched my life. I don't really like any of them in school. I was surprised to find out that even teachers talked about students. And they talk a lot. I can't wait for the day they get busted by the directors. I will make sure of that.
I know I will be finishing school soon. Half of my heart is excited but the other part of it knows that it's going to miss everything about school. Once I'm back in school, I'm going to make the best out of it. I will try not to let anyone get in my way. There will be people who would try to bring me down like they did last term. I should be much stronger now though.
Those kids in Mutiara, the only reason they bitch about another person is because there are very much jealous with what I have or what I am. I'm glad. Therefore, I will let them talk more. It ticks me off everytime I hear they talk about me. But what goes around comes around. I love my life. :)
-dkm
There is always another solution..??
I'm sick of trying to please people. I'm not like some people who always please people. But what I'm saying is that, I'm getting sick and tired trying to make everybody happy. I mean, there is no point making others happy when you yourself aren't happy. I mean, what's the point of that?
Like everything else. What's the point of working hard trying to get money and you don't know how to enjoy it. You need time for yourself too. I don't know. I have to confessed to my blog that I haven't been happy lately. My days have been quite dull for me. I don't like living like this. Who does?
I called Izzat just now. He was asleep. He wanted to wake up at 12am to study for his trials tomorrow. Needed to do that because he didn't study the whole day today. I called him at 12am, trying to be a good girlfriend giving him a wake up call. BOY!! Was I wrong. He was whining telling me that he slept for a short while and wanted to sleep more and wake up at 2am. I was scared that he wouldn't wake up in time to study. He mumbled the whole time while I was on the phone with him. I told him that I wanted to go and he could call me later if he remembers.
I hate talking to him when he is sleeping. It's so annoying. What can I do right? I need to be patient. Just a few more months till his exams are finish. One thing screwed is once his exams are finish, I am the one that would need to start being serious in my education. I have only 6 more months in school and I'll be done for good. No more school, no more uniforms, no more cute bells and no more MUTIARA! The last one would be like a dream come true. It would be my last exams, I know for a fact that if I fail my o levels, my mum would slaughter me. Not only her, her gang too! That's it. I will post up more shit. Coming to you...
-dkm
Like everything else. What's the point of working hard trying to get money and you don't know how to enjoy it. You need time for yourself too. I don't know. I have to confessed to my blog that I haven't been happy lately. My days have been quite dull for me. I don't like living like this. Who does?
I called Izzat just now. He was asleep. He wanted to wake up at 12am to study for his trials tomorrow. Needed to do that because he didn't study the whole day today. I called him at 12am, trying to be a good girlfriend giving him a wake up call. BOY!! Was I wrong. He was whining telling me that he slept for a short while and wanted to sleep more and wake up at 2am. I was scared that he wouldn't wake up in time to study. He mumbled the whole time while I was on the phone with him. I told him that I wanted to go and he could call me later if he remembers.
I hate talking to him when he is sleeping. It's so annoying. What can I do right? I need to be patient. Just a few more months till his exams are finish. One thing screwed is once his exams are finish, I am the one that would need to start being serious in my education. I have only 6 more months in school and I'll be done for good. No more school, no more uniforms, no more cute bells and no more MUTIARA! The last one would be like a dream come true. It would be my last exams, I know for a fact that if I fail my o levels, my mum would slaughter me. Not only her, her gang too! That's it. I will post up more shit. Coming to you...
-dkm
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Firdaus = Firdaud = Pidot
I want to wish pidot a very happy birthday. I hope everything goes well. Good luck for your trials that is going on right now. I am happy that I was the first one to call you. I'm sure some people were mad that they didn't get through your phone. Muaahahahaha.
-dkm
-dkm
I love you! uh-huh! I do!
I am a little bit more in love with you,
each morning when I wake up.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
everytime you call my name.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
when you come and hold my hand.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
when you make love to me.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
every moment , everyday!!!
-dkm
each morning when I wake up.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
everytime you call my name.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
when you come and hold my hand.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
when you make love to me.
I am a little bit more in love with you,
every moment , everyday!!!
-dkm
Losing you.. means losing myselff..
Losing you....
I loose my grip on reality,
on each day that passes by;
I haven't a clue where I'm headed,
oh how this pain makes me cry.
My world is changing so quickly,
and I'm loosing everything in sight;
Why can't things go back to how it used to be,
so that everything would be alright.
Your heart, it's ripped wide open,
and even though you try to hide;
It will break and bleed continuously,
and feel as though it will never subside.
-dkm
---Cute---
I went to my mum's office this afternoon before I went to the tailor. Over there, she has a place where she stores all my certificates, medical, insurance, education & many more files. She keeps everything over there. Since I was younger, I used to go there and that's the first thing I attacked. I would look what's new and check out the inside of the covers. I love looking at all my dance ceritificates. There is a lot of them in it. The file is really thick. It's well organized. It has all the details.
In this house, a lot of things are thrown around. My mum would pick it up and put it in the files. I found my diary that I wrote in 1998. It was so funny. I had bad english and my hand writing was horrible! I was so glad that my mum kept it. I wrote many things in there. Mostly, I wrote it when I was in New Zealand. I remembered that I was so young and at that time I was in Sri Garden. In the diary, my spelling for some words are really funny. I could see how much my english has improved.
At that time, I used to have a crush on this guy name Akmal. I loved him and I used to hang out with him like everyday. He loves to tease me. But we liked each other very much. Hehehe. I used to be so naughty everytime I went to his house. We love to play catch and I am always the one that ends up in the drain. Lovely init? It brought so much memory. I loved it. I couldn't stop laughing as I read it.
-dkm
In this house, a lot of things are thrown around. My mum would pick it up and put it in the files. I found my diary that I wrote in 1998. It was so funny. I had bad english and my hand writing was horrible! I was so glad that my mum kept it. I wrote many things in there. Mostly, I wrote it when I was in New Zealand. I remembered that I was so young and at that time I was in Sri Garden. In the diary, my spelling for some words are really funny. I could see how much my english has improved.
At that time, I used to have a crush on this guy name Akmal. I loved him and I used to hang out with him like everyday. He loves to tease me. But we liked each other very much. Hehehe. I used to be so naughty everytime I went to his house. We love to play catch and I am always the one that ends up in the drain. Lovely init? It brought so much memory. I loved it. I couldn't stop laughing as I read it.
-dkm
Cheating??
I was watching the music video of Mariah Carey, 'we belong together'. It reminded me of someone. I felt something going through the spines of my body. Could it be that I still have feelings for you? After all this time. I wonder. One thing for sure is that, it's not strong. But I can't stop thinking about you everytime I'm alone. Could you blame me for that? I'm left being alone as Izzat is at home studying for his up coming exam.
Exactly how long would this feeling stay in me. It keeps on lingering around my body. I won't forget the smell that you have. I won't forget all the time we've hung out and laughed together. I wouldn't say that I would go for you right this instant. The feeling that I have you is becoming stronger & stronger. I cannot lie anymore. I know it would make Izzat upset but I need to spend more time with him.
Do you consider this cheating? I need to get some answers for that question. I know I'm not being honest to the one I love now. I love Izzat dearly. I do. The only problem is that, the crush I'm having on you is turning into love. I know I am able to stop this from happening. Much time would be needed for the process.
I've shared a very intimate relationship with Izzat. I don't want anything to get in the way. That would be one of the biggest mistake. I dont't want to do something that I would regret in the end. I'm going to take my own sweet time and make the right decision. If Izzat really loves me, he would understand and stay with me through all this confusions.
I don't know what else to do larh. I'm all confused. I didn't know that going out with a form 3 boy would be so hard. But could the other person provide me something more. Would I be happier? There are so many questions to be asked. No one could answer them. Unfortunately. I'm so screwed.
-dkm
Exactly how long would this feeling stay in me. It keeps on lingering around my body. I won't forget the smell that you have. I won't forget all the time we've hung out and laughed together. I wouldn't say that I would go for you right this instant. The feeling that I have you is becoming stronger & stronger. I cannot lie anymore. I know it would make Izzat upset but I need to spend more time with him.
Do you consider this cheating? I need to get some answers for that question. I know I'm not being honest to the one I love now. I love Izzat dearly. I do. The only problem is that, the crush I'm having on you is turning into love. I know I am able to stop this from happening. Much time would be needed for the process.
I've shared a very intimate relationship with Izzat. I don't want anything to get in the way. That would be one of the biggest mistake. I dont't want to do something that I would regret in the end. I'm going to take my own sweet time and make the right decision. If Izzat really loves me, he would understand and stay with me through all this confusions.
I don't know what else to do larh. I'm all confused. I didn't know that going out with a form 3 boy would be so hard. But could the other person provide me something more. Would I be happier? There are so many questions to be asked. No one could answer them. Unfortunately. I'm so screwed.
-dkm
Sweet Sixteen
Soon enough, another 21 days, I'll turn 16 years old. I remembered a few years back, one of my mum's pyschologer told her that once I reacher 16 years old I'll be really beautiful. I don't think that's going to happen. Anyways, I'm going to hold my party at Concorde, spices. It's not going to be big. Not worth it. I'm going to have a dinner thingy. Today evening, I went to tailor to make my dress. I would have to go there again. I can't wait till it's going to be ready. I've already chosen the chiffon colour and the lining for the inside. It's going to be stunning. The drawings of the dress was drawn by one of my friend called Syahmi. I would have to say that, he is awesome at it! It was as if he could read my mind and did it. How he drew it was exactly how I wanted and picture it. I'm glad I have him. 16 years old is not a really big thing in Malaysia. It is in America because that's when they get their driving license and legal to do anything. Over here, a lot of things are not legal yet. The age would 18!! When that day comes, I'll make it bigg.. But I won't forget about the next big age, which is 21years old. It'll be the age, where I am free to do anything I want. I love it. The only problem is, I don't really like growing old so soon. I wish I was still in form 2. I can still play around and there is no need to worry about finishing school and final exams! Hehehe. No worries about college or anything like that. Now, it's all different. I'm changing! Everything is. Wooo.... I will update you more on my party and my dress.. I can't wait!! *over-excited*
-dkm
-dkm
I don't even know what should the title be for this post. I don't know what to write. Ok, I'll start writing with what happened today. Basically, I spent my whole day with my mum. I found out that it wasn't that bad. The only bad thing was, I couldn't smoke in front of her. Even if she did know about me smoking, it's rude to smoke. I'll do it discreetly. Let's just say that, I will continue doing that till she finds out for sure.
Yesterday, I cried again. Nothing new. As usual, I had an argument with Izzat about going on a break. From my own perspectives, I think the break would go well for him. Since he is going under a lot of pressure, I don't want him to feel pressured from me. I want it to be good for him. His exams are coming nearer and nearer. This week he has his trials going on. I don't know how to help him sometimes. Because of all this, his patience are running out for everything around him. Even his mum and me. He is known to be a very gentlemen like to all the ladies. Now, he has changed. Totally.
Every single thing that he doesn't get his way, he'll get really angry or frustrated. I would have to say that, even I have more patience than him now. Most of you know how much my patience are. Not much, it's very little. So imagine someone worst than me. Oh gosh!! I just finished talking on the phone with him. I was suppose to him something about his friends. I can't really do that since I'm writing my blog at the same time. He got angry and wanting to go study. I'm not going to stop him. He just can't understand me anymore.
There are people out there who doesn't agree to Izzat and I being an item. It somehow bothers them a lot. I'm not going to say anything, really. If they're not satisfied, they should come to me and tell me the reasons. They shouldn't be talking behind my back. That kind of shit is so old!! Some people just don't change. Damn it!! I guess I have to wait for the right time.
Anyways, going back to what I did today. First I woke up at 2.40pm. What do you expect? I slept late yesterday ok! At around 5am. I was with Izzat, finishing up some business. While I was asleep in the afternoon, I had a lot of missed calls from the office and my mum. *sigh* I can't sleep in peace!! It's good that they call anyway. I don't know what happened to my alarm. It didn't ring. I had an appointment with the tailor at 4pm. That's another story..
After that, I hung out with some of my friends for a bit. Wasted two bucks at the cyber cafe. Was accompanying one of them to finish their project. Soon after, we were off to ampang point. Went up to brewball and played some foosball. I played one game, I won!! I'm so used to winning, it doesn't feel good anymore. Muahahaha! Dumb bitch!! I got bored in brewball after half an hour, so I went to join mama and ahmad for tea at secret recipe. I had fish and chips over there. Few hours before that I had beef rice at taiwan house. *yummy-yum* I'm so stuffed, till now.
When we were done at secret recipe, I went back home with mama. I couldn't be bothered to stay and loiter around like I usually do. I was too tired and I felt like sleeping. I love sleeping so much now. I feel like a fat cat. Maybe, I am!! Damn it!! The whole day I was waiting for Izzat's call. Yet, after hours and hours of waiting, he didn't call until I called him. His reason for the failure of calling was that, he was tired and he was sleeping. Ok, forgiven!! *sigh* I'm giving up soon enough!!
-dkm
Yesterday, I cried again. Nothing new. As usual, I had an argument with Izzat about going on a break. From my own perspectives, I think the break would go well for him. Since he is going under a lot of pressure, I don't want him to feel pressured from me. I want it to be good for him. His exams are coming nearer and nearer. This week he has his trials going on. I don't know how to help him sometimes. Because of all this, his patience are running out for everything around him. Even his mum and me. He is known to be a very gentlemen like to all the ladies. Now, he has changed. Totally.
Every single thing that he doesn't get his way, he'll get really angry or frustrated. I would have to say that, even I have more patience than him now. Most of you know how much my patience are. Not much, it's very little. So imagine someone worst than me. Oh gosh!! I just finished talking on the phone with him. I was suppose to him something about his friends. I can't really do that since I'm writing my blog at the same time. He got angry and wanting to go study. I'm not going to stop him. He just can't understand me anymore.
There are people out there who doesn't agree to Izzat and I being an item. It somehow bothers them a lot. I'm not going to say anything, really. If they're not satisfied, they should come to me and tell me the reasons. They shouldn't be talking behind my back. That kind of shit is so old!! Some people just don't change. Damn it!! I guess I have to wait for the right time.
Anyways, going back to what I did today. First I woke up at 2.40pm. What do you expect? I slept late yesterday ok! At around 5am. I was with Izzat, finishing up some business. While I was asleep in the afternoon, I had a lot of missed calls from the office and my mum. *sigh* I can't sleep in peace!! It's good that they call anyway. I don't know what happened to my alarm. It didn't ring. I had an appointment with the tailor at 4pm. That's another story..
After that, I hung out with some of my friends for a bit. Wasted two bucks at the cyber cafe. Was accompanying one of them to finish their project. Soon after, we were off to ampang point. Went up to brewball and played some foosball. I played one game, I won!! I'm so used to winning, it doesn't feel good anymore. Muahahaha! Dumb bitch!! I got bored in brewball after half an hour, so I went to join mama and ahmad for tea at secret recipe. I had fish and chips over there. Few hours before that I had beef rice at taiwan house. *yummy-yum* I'm so stuffed, till now.
When we were done at secret recipe, I went back home with mama. I couldn't be bothered to stay and loiter around like I usually do. I was too tired and I felt like sleeping. I love sleeping so much now. I feel like a fat cat. Maybe, I am!! Damn it!! The whole day I was waiting for Izzat's call. Yet, after hours and hours of waiting, he didn't call until I called him. His reason for the failure of calling was that, he was tired and he was sleeping. Ok, forgiven!! *sigh* I'm giving up soon enough!!
-dkm
Monday, August 15, 2005
No more butterflies..
I feel less butterflies flying around in my stomach each day as you leave me hurting in one corner. I had more than millions of butterflies in my stomach everytime you see me. Now, it is so different. Everything is changing around me. Especially, you. You are the reason that I am still standing straight today. Why can't it be like old times? I wish I could turn back to those times where both you and I were happy being together.
I cannot face the pain anymore. The amount of pain that you have caused me is so damaging till it affects my nerves. I'm not sure of how many nerves left in me to stand the impatience that you put up. I cannot believe myself. I'm in denial of your attitude towards me now.
I don't understand why you are turning into this monster. This is not the person who I fell in love with. The person who I fell in love with, had a big heart with a lot of patience for everything. You were blessed with a beautiful soul. What happened to it? Where has it gone to? I will try my best to find for the person I love.
I love you, Izzat. It's hard for me to let go of you. There will come one day that I would have to give you up if you keep on acting the way you do. I know you are going through under a lot of pressure, but that does not give you the right to take your anger or frustration on me. I will go through all the stress and pressure with you. Tell me slowly, what is your problem? I will help with all I can. I will help you with all the informations I've gathered over the years I've been alive.
You may not realize the change in yourself. I don't blame you for that. People say I've changed for the better. I have to admit that, even I myself don't realize it. I'm glad though. As for you, you're changing for the worst. Izzat, I need to know what are your needs. So that, I could fulfill them. There are more things to be written. Right now, I can't think properly and I want to talk to you.
.....to be continued.....
-dkm
I cannot face the pain anymore. The amount of pain that you have caused me is so damaging till it affects my nerves. I'm not sure of how many nerves left in me to stand the impatience that you put up. I cannot believe myself. I'm in denial of your attitude towards me now.
I don't understand why you are turning into this monster. This is not the person who I fell in love with. The person who I fell in love with, had a big heart with a lot of patience for everything. You were blessed with a beautiful soul. What happened to it? Where has it gone to? I will try my best to find for the person I love.
I love you, Izzat. It's hard for me to let go of you. There will come one day that I would have to give you up if you keep on acting the way you do. I know you are going through under a lot of pressure, but that does not give you the right to take your anger or frustration on me. I will go through all the stress and pressure with you. Tell me slowly, what is your problem? I will help with all I can. I will help you with all the informations I've gathered over the years I've been alive.
You may not realize the change in yourself. I don't blame you for that. People say I've changed for the better. I have to admit that, even I myself don't realize it. I'm glad though. As for you, you're changing for the worst. Izzat, I need to know what are your needs. So that, I could fulfill them. There are more things to be written. Right now, I can't think properly and I want to talk to you.
.....to be continued.....
-dkm
Saturday, August 13, 2005
I bruise easily...
Oh...yeah
My skin is like a map, where my heart has been,
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing,
So I lay down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes,
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow.
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
I found your finger prints on a glass of wine,
Do your know ur leaving them all over this heart of mine too,
If I never take this leap of faith I'll never know,
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow,
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree.
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you.
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you.
So be gentle(4x)
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
I bruise easily(2x)
Natasha Bedingfield - I bruise easily
-dkm
My skin is like a map, where my heart has been,
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing,
So I lay down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes,
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow.
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
I found your finger prints on a glass of wine,
Do your know ur leaving them all over this heart of mine too,
If I never take this leap of faith I'll never know,
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow,
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree.
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you.
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you.
So be gentle(4x)
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.
I bruise easily(2x)
Natasha Bedingfield - I bruise easily
-dkm
Psychology&Law
It has been proven that humans like to do things that are said not to. I don't understand why human beings are so stubborn. They just won't listen.
I realize that, the more you tell a person don't do it, in the end they'll do it. I remembered one thing that happened in form 2. It was in Ms Barbara's class. We were learning chemistry but she ended up briefing us on psychology.
She wanted to test us. So she told us to close our eyes and DON'T imagine the scariest thing infront of our eyes. I could hear people gasping and sighing. She told us not to do it but we did. It's something really stupid. Maybe, it wouldn't work on you because we're all grown up now. But at that time, some of us didn't know better. As for me, I was thinking about something else.
It's funny how human brains work. Things that are hidden behind walls, those are the things which we want to break down to find out what's inside. They stop us humans from taking drugs, drinking and smoking. In the end, do we still do it? Yes. They increased the price of cigarettes, but more of us buy it. Do you actually think people are going to smoke smoking even if the price goes to RM20? No, I don't think so. They have all this campaign about stopping drugs, smoking and others. They put up disgusting pictures to show what's going to happen to us. Yet, we still do it. It's hard.
Psychology is probably one of the hardest subject to take up. But it's definitely one of the most interesting one too. Learning about it would be the same as learning about another human's mind. If you like to analyze, you'll have even more fun learning pyschology. It gives you more things to think about while you're analyzing. Slowly, you're able to read a person's mind. That would be fun. You would know their attitude and how their reactions are. Basically, if you could penetrate to them, you can predict their movements. FUN!!
Law, there are many laws that are made in this country. How many of us follow it though? Are laws meant to be broken just like rules? Law and rules are about the same. Law are the one that are stated, discussed and written. Rules are just rules. Anyone could make rules and others would have to follow it.
I've got only a few months left in school. I am happy at the fact that i'm living that hideous school. I will miss it a lot though. I need to plan what to do next. I'm planning to go to KDU, to do my A'levels. But I want to drag someone with me to go to the same college. I'm taking law and minoring it pyschology. I hope I could cope up with the subject. It'll be such a pity if I fail. My mum, brother and dad would kill me and would make me remember the failure for the rest of my live. Wooo, what a cruel family. Well, that's the only way that I could learn from my mistake. Different people, different approach to things. I can't wait till the day I'm graduating. I wouldn't graduate with flying colours, of course. I'm not intelligent nor hardworking. So forget about A's in my results huh. *pfft* Life's a bitch!!!
-dkm
I realize that, the more you tell a person don't do it, in the end they'll do it. I remembered one thing that happened in form 2. It was in Ms Barbara's class. We were learning chemistry but she ended up briefing us on psychology.
She wanted to test us. So she told us to close our eyes and DON'T imagine the scariest thing infront of our eyes. I could hear people gasping and sighing. She told us not to do it but we did. It's something really stupid. Maybe, it wouldn't work on you because we're all grown up now. But at that time, some of us didn't know better. As for me, I was thinking about something else.
It's funny how human brains work. Things that are hidden behind walls, those are the things which we want to break down to find out what's inside. They stop us humans from taking drugs, drinking and smoking. In the end, do we still do it? Yes. They increased the price of cigarettes, but more of us buy it. Do you actually think people are going to smoke smoking even if the price goes to RM20? No, I don't think so. They have all this campaign about stopping drugs, smoking and others. They put up disgusting pictures to show what's going to happen to us. Yet, we still do it. It's hard.
Psychology is probably one of the hardest subject to take up. But it's definitely one of the most interesting one too. Learning about it would be the same as learning about another human's mind. If you like to analyze, you'll have even more fun learning pyschology. It gives you more things to think about while you're analyzing. Slowly, you're able to read a person's mind. That would be fun. You would know their attitude and how their reactions are. Basically, if you could penetrate to them, you can predict their movements. FUN!!
Law, there are many laws that are made in this country. How many of us follow it though? Are laws meant to be broken just like rules? Law and rules are about the same. Law are the one that are stated, discussed and written. Rules are just rules. Anyone could make rules and others would have to follow it.
I've got only a few months left in school. I am happy at the fact that i'm living that hideous school. I will miss it a lot though. I need to plan what to do next. I'm planning to go to KDU, to do my A'levels. But I want to drag someone with me to go to the same college. I'm taking law and minoring it pyschology. I hope I could cope up with the subject. It'll be such a pity if I fail. My mum, brother and dad would kill me and would make me remember the failure for the rest of my live. Wooo, what a cruel family. Well, that's the only way that I could learn from my mistake. Different people, different approach to things. I can't wait till the day I'm graduating. I wouldn't graduate with flying colours, of course. I'm not intelligent nor hardworking. So forget about A's in my results huh. *pfft* Life's a bitch!!!
-dkm
Friday, August 12, 2005
Reasonable emotions?
The never ending of our bitter arguments. Is it worth the while to argue about it? I mean, is it worth the time and breath? I wonder. I just can't get over the fact that this thing has been happening for the past one week. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm writing this at 7am. I have nothing to do. I'm just so bitter at some stuff right now. Life isn't much better even after that special someone walked in it. I'm still thinking of what to do.
The fact that I tackled a guy who already had a girlfriend was bad enough. The worst was that, when I loved him he was actually still with the other girl. He didn't know how to break it off with her. He needed two weeks to do that. Each day in that span of time, I was hurt and the feelings that I felt was unexplainable. Yet, despite all those things that happened. I stuck to him thinking that we might have a better future together. I was right. We did love each other very much.
Suddenly, it feels so wrong. For the first one month, I had so much fun with him. Now, it's all changing. Could it be us getting into a deeper state of love? Or could it be one of the phase. I wonder. The problem is that, I wonder too much. I would ask him but I know what the answer is going to be.
I don't know what else to say. Right now, I'm sitting here and typing all this shit on the computer. While, I look at Izzat sleeping on the bed. Eventhough I'm angry at him, he looks so peaceful.
I hate the times where Izzat would ask me to admit that he knows me well. I just hate that. I told him several times that he doesn't know me well. He doesn't know the half of me. Yet, he would deny it and just insist I admit that he does. I told him that, if he knew me well he wouldn't make me angry or cry. Because, if he knew me well he would know what I like and what I dont. Just like the exams, if you know the subject, then you will excel in it. Think about it. If you know someone well enough, mistakes wouldn't be in your relationship's vocab. I don't know. It could be different for some of you out there.
That's it for now. I'm too tired to type more. I will add on more later. I know I will. Since, the haze is not clearing up and I would have to stay home. Avoid from getting sick. It's going to be so boring. Stupid Indons! Dumb idiots! It's all their fault. Because of them, we have to suffer like shit in Malaysia. I hope they would get their own medicine soon enough.
As you can see, i'm talking and typing with so much anger in me. So i'll stop now.
-dkm
The fact that I tackled a guy who already had a girlfriend was bad enough. The worst was that, when I loved him he was actually still with the other girl. He didn't know how to break it off with her. He needed two weeks to do that. Each day in that span of time, I was hurt and the feelings that I felt was unexplainable. Yet, despite all those things that happened. I stuck to him thinking that we might have a better future together. I was right. We did love each other very much.
Suddenly, it feels so wrong. For the first one month, I had so much fun with him. Now, it's all changing. Could it be us getting into a deeper state of love? Or could it be one of the phase. I wonder. The problem is that, I wonder too much. I would ask him but I know what the answer is going to be.
I don't know what else to say. Right now, I'm sitting here and typing all this shit on the computer. While, I look at Izzat sleeping on the bed. Eventhough I'm angry at him, he looks so peaceful.
I hate the times where Izzat would ask me to admit that he knows me well. I just hate that. I told him several times that he doesn't know me well. He doesn't know the half of me. Yet, he would deny it and just insist I admit that he does. I told him that, if he knew me well he wouldn't make me angry or cry. Because, if he knew me well he would know what I like and what I dont. Just like the exams, if you know the subject, then you will excel in it. Think about it. If you know someone well enough, mistakes wouldn't be in your relationship's vocab. I don't know. It could be different for some of you out there.
That's it for now. I'm too tired to type more. I will add on more later. I know I will. Since, the haze is not clearing up and I would have to stay home. Avoid from getting sick. It's going to be so boring. Stupid Indons! Dumb idiots! It's all their fault. Because of them, we have to suffer like shit in Malaysia. I hope they would get their own medicine soon enough.
As you can see, i'm talking and typing with so much anger in me. So i'll stop now.
-dkm
My Idol....Paris Hilton...
Paris Hilton. I love you. You are my idol.
Many people wondered why my idol is Paris Hilton. Well, I'm going to explain it to you now. So be patient.
It started with my sister(yazmin). She introduced me to Paris Hilton through the magazines and news. Hahaha. You actually thought I met her. Punked! Well, I was actually suppose to meet her in May through a guy named Rastam. But I don't know what happened. He screwed it up, I guess. It could be just a lie he made up. Apparently, she was coming down to Singapore to promote her series, Simple Life. Don't know what happened after that though.
After reading and watching her, I begin to fall in love with her. She's really unique. She is not the same like all other BIMBO-es in the world. The bimbo doesn't admit that they're dumb and stupid. While Paris, she does. I like that about her. She doesn't care about what others say about her. A lot of people criticize her. Well, all I know is that, they're just jealous of her beauty and wealth.
Although she's a bimbo, she is making tons of money. More than anyone whom is a bimbo. She loves to be the way she is. She doesn't let anyone get in her way. She loves partying and being wild. So what's wrong with that? Most of us are like that too. We all know that she's got her innerslut thing going on. But who doesn't.
Soon after I liked her, she became the Guess model. It made me a Guess freak. I bought most of the things that she had on from Guess. The watches, clothes and stuff. Guess was rich when she became the model. Seriously. I know a few number of girls who loves Guess because of Paris. Now, they've changed the model and the clothes are so dull. They can forget me as their customer.
Whatever it is, I LOVE PARIS HILTON. I'M CRAZY FOR HER! IF SHE DIES, I'LL DIE WITH HER. Ok, actually I'm not sure about that. Hehehehe. but i love her.
Many people wondered why my idol is Paris Hilton. Well, I'm going to explain it to you now. So be patient.
It started with my sister(yazmin). She introduced me to Paris Hilton through the magazines and news. Hahaha. You actually thought I met her. Punked! Well, I was actually suppose to meet her in May through a guy named Rastam. But I don't know what happened. He screwed it up, I guess. It could be just a lie he made up. Apparently, she was coming down to Singapore to promote her series, Simple Life. Don't know what happened after that though.
After reading and watching her, I begin to fall in love with her. She's really unique. She is not the same like all other BIMBO-es in the world. The bimbo doesn't admit that they're dumb and stupid. While Paris, she does. I like that about her. She doesn't care about what others say about her. A lot of people criticize her. Well, all I know is that, they're just jealous of her beauty and wealth.
Although she's a bimbo, she is making tons of money. More than anyone whom is a bimbo. She loves to be the way she is. She doesn't let anyone get in her way. She loves partying and being wild. So what's wrong with that? Most of us are like that too. We all know that she's got her innerslut thing going on. But who doesn't.
Soon after I liked her, she became the Guess model. It made me a Guess freak. I bought most of the things that she had on from Guess. The watches, clothes and stuff. Guess was rich when she became the model. Seriously. I know a few number of girls who loves Guess because of Paris. Now, they've changed the model and the clothes are so dull. They can forget me as their customer.
Whatever it is, I LOVE PARIS HILTON. I'M CRAZY FOR HER! IF SHE DIES, I'LL DIE WITH HER. Ok, actually I'm not sure about that. Hehehehe. but i love her.
Clarity
Have you ever wondered what nickname means. The three words after Izzat's queen. Well, in this post I am going to define it. I don't think you care. But you never know, you might learn something from it right. I got all these words while reading an article about my idol. If you don't know who my idol is, then i'll explain in my other blog. For now, here are the meanings to it. Love it, live it & learn it.
- felicitous = fortunate, lucky.
- ubiquitous = ever-present, everywhere, always seen around.
- obnoxious = loathsome, hateful, horrible. (something negative)
There are the meanings of the words. I feel that, these three words are what I am. It's funny that I'm not shy nor embarassed to say it. I'm happy that I'm like that. It makes me even more unique than other girls. The imperfection on us are the one that makes us really unique. If everyone is perfect, don't you think we'll all be about the same thing. Isn't that boring? Life without arguments, fights, etc would be so dull. We need all this. That's the thing that makes this world go around. Think about it. If you do think about it, think hard enough and you'll find the answer.
Questions..
I have to admit that many questions are floating in my mind. Very little of them are answered. Most of them are left hanging there. I don't know what it'll do up in there but one thing for sure is, that it's clotting up my brain for other information to get it. Yeah, you may think that it's nonsense but I dont know. That's what I think. Most of my brain cells are dead anyway. So what should I do. Sheesh!!
Answers..
Answers. Many of us just like myself are looking for answers. What kind of answers are we looking for? Well, a lot of things. It could be one of the most random things but we need answers. Some of you might have experienced this. Sometimes, you look so hard for an answer everywhere but actually, it's right infront of your eyes. The reason why you couldn't find it sooner was because maybe, GOD wanted to give the answer at the right time. For every answer that you get, there's a deep meaning to it. We need to think about it deeply in order to get that answer. One more example is like, you get the answer out of nowhere. It could be from the movies you watch, the music you listen to, your friend's conversation. In very weird places. Amazing, how our brains work. Love it.
As for my conclusion, I want to say it's amazing how I know I've got so much information stored in my brain and I've got many more years to live. Where can I store the information that is coming into me? Hehehe. I think I'm going to have a brain damage at a very young age. I think so. Gee, I don't know. Education, Information and whatever that ends with '-tion' that can relate with the two words i've mentioned. That's it for now. Update more soon.
-dkm
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Farah, Kalysa & Emma
Girls, I know I've been really moody and never in the mood to talk. I've been too caught up with my emotions. Many things I had to go through with Izzat. I know for a fact you guys would understand. That's what we call true friends. I love you girls truely. I miss you all a lot. I miss every single moment that I've had with you. We need to hang out sometime soon.
Farah,
I'm sorry if you feel as if I'm pushing you away from me. It's nothing like that. You know exactly what's going on because you've been reading my blog. I know I haven't spoke to you since we were out in Bangsar. On that day, I wasn't mad at you at all. I had a really bad headache and I wasn't in the mood of talking. I had fun though. I had fun looking at you drinking and looking at you having fun. I know it has been a hard time for us both but I'm sure of all that would go away soon. They always say something great would come out from the bad. Well, let's hope so. If not, i'll die soon. I'm sorry if I havent been replying your text or calls. I always forget and sometimes, you call at the wrong time. I hope you're having fun in college. Someday, I will come and visit you like you want me too. I will bash up that max guy. Jene and I would definitely do that. It's a promise! I love you with all my heart. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I needed you. I cannot ever repay you for that. I don't know what else to say to you. I hope everything is going smooth for you soon enough.
Kalysa,
Many apologies of accusing you of not inviting me to the birthday lunch of yours. I didn't know what was going on that day. I just heard it from Farah. I thought it was a bit unfair. I didn't want to go uninvited. I know I promised to bring you out for lunch but I've been too caught up with shit. I will bring you out before you leave to UK. I am really going to miss you once you leave. I wish I could be here to send you to the airport. Unfortunately, i'll be in thailand with my mum and little brother. I wouldnt be here the day you leave. I hope you'll have a blast over there and make new friends. But don't forget the old ones in Malaysia. Study smart sayang. I miss you a lot too. Missing all those years ive been in school with you. The really loud laugh we've shared together. It's memories that will always be remembered. I'm sorry I just sounded you when you came online. It's my fault. I didn't mean to do that. I dont know what was I thinking. I might not be in the right mind. I'm not sure when you going to read this. But I hope it's soon enough. Please forgive me for any wrong doings. I love you babe!!!
Emma,
I know when you came online and I asked you out, you had to do something of your own. Sorry for letting out my anger on you. I hope you did well for your driving test. I'm sure you did. Did you have trouble holding the steering wheel? Did you need to put a pillow under your butt? Hehehe. I love you so much babe. I havent hung out with you for so long. I miss the time when we were crazy for the OC. I've had so many memories with you eventhough we were friends for a short time. Actually, to think about it, it has been years. but you know what i mean right. I can't wait to see you next. I love you dearly. I hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Thank you again for everything that you've done for me. I really appreciate it. I won't know how to show my appreciation but you'll somehow know it. I hope you're doing good with your job and driving. Tell davide I said hello. hope you both are happy and fine. Next time you're going out. dont forget to call me. I will be very mad if you dont. ok thats it!
-dkm
Farah,
I'm sorry if you feel as if I'm pushing you away from me. It's nothing like that. You know exactly what's going on because you've been reading my blog. I know I haven't spoke to you since we were out in Bangsar. On that day, I wasn't mad at you at all. I had a really bad headache and I wasn't in the mood of talking. I had fun though. I had fun looking at you drinking and looking at you having fun. I know it has been a hard time for us both but I'm sure of all that would go away soon. They always say something great would come out from the bad. Well, let's hope so. If not, i'll die soon. I'm sorry if I havent been replying your text or calls. I always forget and sometimes, you call at the wrong time. I hope you're having fun in college. Someday, I will come and visit you like you want me too. I will bash up that max guy. Jene and I would definitely do that. It's a promise! I love you with all my heart. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I needed you. I cannot ever repay you for that. I don't know what else to say to you. I hope everything is going smooth for you soon enough.
Kalysa,
Many apologies of accusing you of not inviting me to the birthday lunch of yours. I didn't know what was going on that day. I just heard it from Farah. I thought it was a bit unfair. I didn't want to go uninvited. I know I promised to bring you out for lunch but I've been too caught up with shit. I will bring you out before you leave to UK. I am really going to miss you once you leave. I wish I could be here to send you to the airport. Unfortunately, i'll be in thailand with my mum and little brother. I wouldnt be here the day you leave. I hope you'll have a blast over there and make new friends. But don't forget the old ones in Malaysia. Study smart sayang. I miss you a lot too. Missing all those years ive been in school with you. The really loud laugh we've shared together. It's memories that will always be remembered. I'm sorry I just sounded you when you came online. It's my fault. I didn't mean to do that. I dont know what was I thinking. I might not be in the right mind. I'm not sure when you going to read this. But I hope it's soon enough. Please forgive me for any wrong doings. I love you babe!!!
Emma,
I know when you came online and I asked you out, you had to do something of your own. Sorry for letting out my anger on you. I hope you did well for your driving test. I'm sure you did. Did you have trouble holding the steering wheel? Did you need to put a pillow under your butt? Hehehe. I love you so much babe. I havent hung out with you for so long. I miss the time when we were crazy for the OC. I've had so many memories with you eventhough we were friends for a short time. Actually, to think about it, it has been years. but you know what i mean right. I can't wait to see you next. I love you dearly. I hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Thank you again for everything that you've done for me. I really appreciate it. I won't know how to show my appreciation but you'll somehow know it. I hope you're doing good with your job and driving. Tell davide I said hello. hope you both are happy and fine. Next time you're going out. dont forget to call me. I will be very mad if you dont. ok thats it!
-dkm