The never ending of our bitter arguments. Is it worth the while to argue about it? I mean, is it worth the time and breath? I wonder. I just can't get over the fact that this thing has been happening for the past one week. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm writing this at 7am. I have nothing to do. I'm just so bitter at some stuff right now. Life isn't much better even after that special someone walked in it. I'm still thinking of what to do.
The fact that I tackled a guy who already had a girlfriend was bad enough. The worst was that, when I loved him he was actually still with the other girl. He didn't know how to break it off with her. He needed two weeks to do that. Each day in that span of time, I was hurt and the feelings that I felt was unexplainable. Yet, despite all those things that happened. I stuck to him thinking that we might have a better future together. I was right. We did love each other very much.
Suddenly, it feels so wrong. For the first one month, I had so much fun with him. Now, it's all changing. Could it be us getting into a deeper state of love? Or could it be one of the phase. I wonder. The problem is that, I wonder too much. I would ask him but I know what the answer is going to be.
I don't know what else to say. Right now, I'm sitting here and typing all this shit on the computer. While, I look at Izzat sleeping on the bed. Eventhough I'm angry at him, he looks so peaceful.
I hate the times where Izzat would ask me to admit that he knows me well. I just hate that. I told him several times that he doesn't know me well. He doesn't know the half of me. Yet, he would deny it and just insist I admit that he does. I told him that, if he knew me well he wouldn't make me angry or cry. Because, if he knew me well he would know what I like and what I dont. Just like the exams, if you know the subject, then you will excel in it. Think about it. If you know someone well enough, mistakes wouldn't be in your relationship's vocab. I don't know. It could be different for some of you out there.
That's it for now. I'm too tired to type more. I will add on more later. I know I will. Since, the haze is not clearing up and I would have to stay home. Avoid from getting sick. It's going to be so boring. Stupid Indons! Dumb idiots! It's all their fault. Because of them, we have to suffer like shit in Malaysia. I hope they would get their own medicine soon enough.
As you can see, i'm talking and typing with so much anger in me. So i'll stop now.
-dkm
