Cheating??

I was watching the music video of Mariah Carey, 'we belong together'. It reminded me of someone. I felt something going through the spines of my body. Could it be that I still have feelings for you? After all this time. I wonder. One thing for sure is that, it's not strong. But I can't stop thinking about you everytime I'm alone. Could you blame me for that? I'm left being alone as Izzat is at home studying for his up coming exam.

Exactly how long would this feeling stay in me. It keeps on lingering around my body. I won't forget the smell that you have. I won't forget all the time we've hung out and laughed together. I wouldn't say that I would go for you right this instant. The feeling that I have you is becoming stronger & stronger. I cannot lie anymore. I know it would make Izzat upset but I need to spend more time with him.

Do you consider this cheating? I need to get some answers for that question. I know I'm not being honest to the one I love now. I love Izzat dearly. I do. The only problem is that, the crush I'm having on you is turning into love. I know I am able to stop this from happening. Much time would be needed for the process.

I've shared a very intimate relationship with Izzat. I don't want anything to get in the way. That would be one of the biggest mistake. I dont't want to do something that I would regret in the end. I'm going to take my own sweet time and make the right decision. If Izzat really loves me, he would understand and stay with me through all this confusions.

I don't know what else to do larh. I'm all confused. I didn't know that going out with a form 3 boy would be so hard. But could the other person provide me something more. Would I be happier? There are so many questions to be asked. No one could answer them. Unfortunately. I'm so screwed.
-dkm

Sweet Sixteen

Soon enough, another 21 days, I'll turn 16 years old. I remembered a few years back, one of my mum's pyschologer told her that once I reacher 16 years old I'll be really beautiful. I don't think that's going to happen. Anyways, I'm going to hold my party at Concorde, spices. It's not going to be big. Not worth it. I'm going to have a dinner thingy. Today evening, I went to tailor to make my dress. I would have to go there again. I can't wait till it's going to be ready. I've already chosen the chiffon colour and the lining for the inside. It's going to be stunning. The drawings of the dress was drawn by one of my friend called Syahmi. I would have to say that, he is awesome at it! It was as if he could read my mind and did it. How he drew it was exactly how I wanted and picture it. I'm glad I have him. 16 years old is not a really big thing in Malaysia. It is in America because that's when they get their driving license and legal to do anything. Over here, a lot of things are not legal yet. The age would 18!! When that day comes, I'll make it bigg.. But I won't forget about the next big age, which is 21years old. It'll be the age, where I am free to do anything I want. I love it. The only problem is, I don't really like growing old so soon. I wish I was still in form 2. I can still play around and there is no need to worry about finishing school and final exams! Hehehe. No worries about college or anything like that. Now, it's all different. I'm changing! Everything is. Wooo.... I will update you more on my party and my dress.. I can't wait!! *over-excited*
-dkm

I don't even know what should the title be for this post. I don't know what to write. Ok, I'll start writing with what happened today. Basically, I spent my whole day with my mum. I found out that it wasn't that bad. The only bad thing was, I couldn't smoke in front of her. Even if she did know about me smoking, it's rude to smoke. I'll do it discreetly. Let's just say that, I will continue doing that till she finds out for sure.

Yesterday, I cried again. Nothing new. As usual, I had an argument with Izzat about going on a break. From my own perspectives, I think the break would go well for him. Since he is going under a lot of pressure, I don't want him to feel pressured from me. I want it to be good for him. His exams are coming nearer and nearer. This week he has his trials going on. I don't know how to help him sometimes. Because of all this, his patience are running out for everything around him. Even his mum and me. He is known to be a very gentlemen like to all the ladies. Now, he has changed. Totally.

Every single thing that he doesn't get his way, he'll get really angry or frustrated. I would have to say that, even I have more patience than him now. Most of you know how much my patience are. Not much, it's very little. So imagine someone worst than me. Oh gosh!! I just finished talking on the phone with him. I was suppose to him something about his friends. I can't really do that since I'm writing my blog at the same time. He got angry and wanting to go study. I'm not going to stop him. He just can't understand me anymore.

There are people out there who doesn't agree to Izzat and I being an item. It somehow bothers them a lot. I'm not going to say anything, really. If they're not satisfied, they should come to me and tell me the reasons. They shouldn't be talking behind my back. That kind of shit is so old!! Some people just don't change. Damn it!! I guess I have to wait for the right time.

Anyways, going back to what I did today. First I woke up at 2.40pm. What do you expect? I slept late yesterday ok! At around 5am. I was with Izzat, finishing up some business. While I was asleep in the afternoon, I had a lot of missed calls from the office and my mum. *sigh* I can't sleep in peace!! It's good that they call anyway. I don't know what happened to my alarm. It didn't ring. I had an appointment with the tailor at 4pm. That's another story..

After that, I hung out with some of my friends for a bit. Wasted two bucks at the cyber cafe. Was accompanying one of them to finish their project. Soon after, we were off to ampang point. Went up to brewball and played some foosball. I played one game, I won!! I'm so used to winning, it doesn't feel good anymore. Muahahaha! Dumb bitch!! I got bored in brewball after half an hour, so I went to join mama and ahmad for tea at secret recipe. I had fish and chips over there. Few hours before that I had beef rice at taiwan house. *yummy-yum* I'm so stuffed, till now.

When we were done at secret recipe, I went back home with mama. I couldn't be bothered to stay and loiter around like I usually do. I was too tired and I felt like sleeping. I love sleeping so much now. I feel like a fat cat. Maybe, I am!! Damn it!! The whole day I was waiting for Izzat's call. Yet, after hours and hours of waiting, he didn't call until I called him. His reason for the failure of calling was that, he was tired and he was sleeping. Ok, forgiven!! *sigh* I'm giving up soon enough!!
-dkm

No more butterflies..

I feel less butterflies flying around in my stomach each day as you leave me hurting in one corner. I had more than millions of butterflies in my stomach everytime you see me. Now, it is so different. Everything is changing around me. Especially, you. You are the reason that I am still standing straight today. Why can't it be like old times? I wish I could turn back to those times where both you and I were happy being together.

I cannot face the pain anymore. The amount of pain that you have caused me is so damaging till it affects my nerves. I'm not sure of how many nerves left in me to stand the impatience that you put up. I cannot believe myself. I'm in denial of your attitude towards me now.

I don't understand why you are turning into this monster. This is not the person who I fell in love with. The person who I fell in love with, had a big heart with a lot of patience for everything. You were blessed with a beautiful soul. What happened to it? Where has it gone to? I will try my best to find for the person I love.

I love you, Izzat. It's hard for me to let go of you. There will come one day that I would have to give you up if you keep on acting the way you do. I know you are going through under a lot of pressure, but that does not give you the right to take your anger or frustration on me. I will go through all the stress and pressure with you. Tell me slowly, what is your problem? I will help with all I can. I will help you with all the informations I've gathered over the years I've been alive.

You may not realize the change in yourself. I don't blame you for that. People say I've changed for the better. I have to admit that, even I myself don't realize it. I'm glad though. As for you, you're changing for the worst. Izzat, I need to know what are your needs. So that, I could fulfill them. There are more things to be written. Right now, I can't think properly and I want to talk to you.
.....to be continued.....
-dkm

I bruise easily...

Oh...yeah

My skin is like a map, where my heart has been,
And I can't hide the marks, but it's not a negative thing,
So I lay down my guard, drop my defenses, down by my clothes,
I'm learning to fall, with no safety net, to cushion the blow.

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.

I found your finger prints on a glass of wine,
Do your know ur leaving them all over this heart of mine too,
If I never take this leap of faith I'll never know,
So I'm learning to fall with no safety net to cushion the blow,
I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree.

I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.

Anyone who, can touch you, can hurt you, or heal you.
Anyone who, can reach you, can love you, or leave you.

So be gentle(4x)

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.

I bruise easily, so be gentle when you handle me,
There's a mark you leave, like a love heart carved on a tree,
I bruise easily, can't scratch the surface without moving me,
Underneath I bruise easily, I bruise easily.

I bruise easily(2x)
Natasha Bedingfield - I bruise easily
-dkm

Psychology&Law

It has been proven that humans like to do things that are said not to. I don't understand why human beings are so stubborn. They just won't listen.

I realize that, the more you tell a person don't do it, in the end they'll do it. I remembered one thing that happened in form 2. It was in Ms Barbara's class. We were learning chemistry but she ended up briefing us on psychology.

She wanted to test us. So she told us to close our eyes and DON'T imagine the scariest thing infront of our eyes. I could hear people gasping and sighing. She told us not to do it but we did. It's something really stupid. Maybe, it wouldn't work on you because we're all grown up now. But at that time, some of us didn't know better. As for me, I was thinking about something else.

It's funny how human brains work. Things that are hidden behind walls, those are the things which we want to break down to find out what's inside. They stop us humans from taking drugs, drinking and smoking. In the end, do we still do it? Yes. They increased the price of cigarettes, but more of us buy it. Do you actually think people are going to smoke smoking even if the price goes to RM20? No, I don't think so. They have all this campaign about stopping drugs, smoking and others. They put up disgusting pictures to show what's going to happen to us. Yet, we still do it. It's hard.

Psychology is probably one of the hardest subject to take up. But it's definitely one of the most interesting one too. Learning about it would be the same as learning about another human's mind. If you like to analyze, you'll have even more fun learning pyschology. It gives you more things to think about while you're analyzing. Slowly, you're able to read a person's mind. That would be fun. You would know their attitude and how their reactions are. Basically, if you could penetrate to them, you can predict their movements. FUN!!

Law, there are many laws that are made in this country. How many of us follow it though? Are laws meant to be broken just like rules? Law and rules are about the same. Law are the one that are stated, discussed and written. Rules are just rules. Anyone could make rules and others would have to follow it.

I've got only a few months left in school. I am happy at the fact that i'm living that hideous school. I will miss it a lot though. I need to plan what to do next. I'm planning to go to KDU, to do my A'levels. But I want to drag someone with me to go to the same college. I'm taking law and minoring it pyschology. I hope I could cope up with the subject. It'll be such a pity if I fail. My mum, brother and dad would kill me and would make me remember the failure for the rest of my live. Wooo, what a cruel family. Well, that's the only way that I could learn from my mistake. Different people, different approach to things. I can't wait till the day I'm graduating. I wouldn't graduate with flying colours, of course. I'm not intelligent nor hardworking. So forget about A's in my results huh. *pfft* Life's a bitch!!!
-dkm

Reasonable emotions?

The never ending of our bitter arguments. Is it worth the while to argue about it? I mean, is it worth the time and breath? I wonder. I just can't get over the fact that this thing has been happening for the past one week. I don't know how much longer I can take it. I'm writing this at 7am. I have nothing to do. I'm just so bitter at some stuff right now. Life isn't much better even after that special someone walked in it. I'm still thinking of what to do.

The fact that I tackled a guy who already had a girlfriend was bad enough. The worst was that, when I loved him he was actually still with the other girl. He didn't know how to break it off with her. He needed two weeks to do that. Each day in that span of time, I was hurt and the feelings that I felt was unexplainable. Yet, despite all those things that happened. I stuck to him thinking that we might have a better future together. I was right. We did love each other very much.

Suddenly, it feels so wrong. For the first one month, I had so much fun with him. Now, it's all changing. Could it be us getting into a deeper state of love? Or could it be one of the phase. I wonder. The problem is that, I wonder too much. I would ask him but I know what the answer is going to be.

I don't know what else to say. Right now, I'm sitting here and typing all this shit on the computer. While, I look at Izzat sleeping on the bed. Eventhough I'm angry at him, he looks so peaceful.

I hate the times where Izzat would ask me to admit that he knows me well. I just hate that. I told him several times that he doesn't know me well. He doesn't know the half of me. Yet, he would deny it and just insist I admit that he does. I told him that, if he knew me well he wouldn't make me angry or cry. Because, if he knew me well he would know what I like and what I dont. Just like the exams, if you know the subject, then you will excel in it. Think about it. If you know someone well enough, mistakes wouldn't be in your relationship's vocab. I don't know. It could be different for some of you out there.

That's it for now. I'm too tired to type more. I will add on more later. I know I will. Since, the haze is not clearing up and I would have to stay home. Avoid from getting sick. It's going to be so boring. Stupid Indons! Dumb idiots! It's all their fault. Because of them, we have to suffer like shit in Malaysia. I hope they would get their own medicine soon enough.

As you can see, i'm talking and typing with so much anger in me. So i'll stop now.
-dkm

My Idol....Paris Hilton...

Paris Hilton. I love you. You are my idol.

Many people wondered why my idol is Paris Hilton. Well, I'm going to explain it to you now. So be patient.
It started with my sister(yazmin). She introduced me to Paris Hilton through the magazines and news. Hahaha. You actually thought I met her. Punked! Well, I was actually suppose to meet her in May through a guy named Rastam. But I don't know what happened. He screwed it up, I guess. It could be just a lie he made up. Apparently, she was coming down to Singapore to promote her series, Simple Life. Don't know what happened after that though.
After reading and watching her, I begin to fall in love with her. She's really unique. She is not the same like all other BIMBO-es in the world. The bimbo doesn't admit that they're dumb and stupid. While Paris, she does. I like that about her. She doesn't care about what others say about her. A lot of people criticize her. Well, all I know is that, they're just jealous of her beauty and wealth.

Although she's a bimbo, she is making tons of money. More than anyone whom is a bimbo. She loves to be the way she is. She doesn't let anyone get in her way. She loves partying and being wild. So what's wrong with that? Most of us are like that too. We all know that she's got her innerslut thing going on. But who doesn't.

Soon after I liked her, she became the Guess model. It made me a Guess freak. I bought most of the things that she had on from Guess. The watches, clothes and stuff. Guess was rich when she became the model. Seriously. I know a few number of girls who loves Guess because of Paris. Now, they've changed the model and the clothes are so dull. They can forget me as their customer.

Whatever it is, I LOVE PARIS HILTON. I'M CRAZY FOR HER! IF SHE DIES, I'LL DIE WITH HER. Ok, actually I'm not sure about that. Hehehehe. but i love her.

Clarity

Have you ever wondered what nickname means. The three words after Izzat's queen. Well, in this post I am going to define it. I don't think you care. But you never know, you might learn something from it right. I got all these words while reading an article about my idol. If you don't know who my idol is, then i'll explain in my other blog. For now, here are the meanings to it. Love it, live it & learn it.

• felicitous = fortunate, lucky.
• ubiquitous = ever-present, everywhere, always seen around.
• obnoxious = loathsome, hateful, horrible. (something negative)

There are the meanings of the words. I feel that, these three words are what I am. It's funny that I'm not shy nor embarassed to say it. I'm happy that I'm like that. It makes me even more unique than other girls. The imperfection on us are the one that makes us really unique. If everyone is perfect, don't you think we'll all be about the same thing. Isn't that boring? Life without arguments, fights, etc would be so dull. We need all this. That's the thing that makes this world go around. Think about it. If you do think about it, think hard enough and you'll find the answer.

Questions..

I have to admit that many questions are floating in my mind. Very little of them are answered. Most of them are left hanging there. I don't know what it'll do up in there but one thing for sure is, that it's clotting up my brain for other information to get it. Yeah, you may think that it's nonsense but I dont know. That's what I think. Most of my brain cells are dead anyway. So what should I do. Sheesh!!

Answers..

Answers. Many of us just like myself are looking for answers. What kind of answers are we looking for? Well, a lot of things. It could be one of the most random things but we need answers. Some of you might have experienced this. Sometimes, you look so hard for an answer everywhere but actually, it's right infront of your eyes. The reason why you couldn't find it sooner was because maybe, GOD wanted to give the answer at the right time. For every answer that you get, there's a deep meaning to it. We need to think about it deeply in order to get that answer. One more example is like, you get the answer out of nowhere. It could be from the movies you watch, the music you listen to, your friend's conversation. In very weird places. Amazing, how our brains work. Love it.

As for my conclusion, I want to say it's amazing how I know I've got so much information stored in my brain and I've got many more years to live. Where can I store the information that is coming into me? Hehehe. I think I'm going to have a brain damage at a very young age. I think so. Gee, I don't know. Education, Information and whatever that ends with '-tion' that can relate with the two words i've mentioned. That's it for now. Update more soon.

-dkm

Farah, Kalysa & Emma

Girls, I know I've been really moody and never in the mood to talk. I've been too caught up with my emotions. Many things I had to go through with Izzat. I know for a fact you guys would understand. That's what we call true friends. I love you girls truely. I miss you all a lot. I miss every single moment that I've had with you. We need to hang out sometime soon.

Farah,
I'm sorry if you feel as if I'm pushing you away from me. It's nothing like that. You know exactly what's going on because you've been reading my blog. I know I haven't spoke to you since we were out in Bangsar. On that day, I wasn't mad at you at all. I had a really bad headache and I wasn't in the mood of talking. I had fun though. I had fun looking at you drinking and looking at you having fun. I know it has been a hard time for us both but I'm sure of all that would go away soon. They always say something great would come out from the bad. Well, let's hope so. If not, i'll die soon. I'm sorry if I havent been replying your text or calls. I always forget and sometimes, you call at the wrong time. I hope you're having fun in college. Someday, I will come and visit you like you want me too. I will bash up that max guy. Jene and I would definitely do that. It's a promise! I love you with all my heart. Thank you for always being there for me whenever I needed you. I cannot ever repay you for that. I don't know what else to say to you. I hope everything is going smooth for you soon enough.

Kalysa,
Many apologies of accusing you of not inviting me to the birthday lunch of yours. I didn't know what was going on that day. I just heard it from Farah. I thought it was a bit unfair. I didn't want to go uninvited. I know I promised to bring you out for lunch but I've been too caught up with shit. I will bring you out before you leave to UK. I am really going to miss you once you leave. I wish I could be here to send you to the airport. Unfortunately, i'll be in thailand with my mum and little brother. I wouldnt be here the day you leave. I hope you'll have a blast over there and make new friends. But don't forget the old ones in Malaysia. Study smart sayang. I miss you a lot too. Missing all those years ive been in school with you. The really loud laugh we've shared together. It's memories that will always be remembered. I'm sorry I just sounded you when you came online. It's my fault. I didn't mean to do that. I dont know what was I thinking. I might not be in the right mind. I'm not sure when you going to read this. But I hope it's soon enough. Please forgive me for any wrong doings. I love you babe!!!

Emma,
I know when you came online and I asked you out, you had to do something of your own. Sorry for letting out my anger on you. I hope you did well for your driving test. I'm sure you did. Did you have trouble holding the steering wheel? Did you need to put a pillow under your butt? Hehehe. I love you so much babe. I havent hung out with you for so long. I miss the time when we were crazy for the OC. I've had so many memories with you eventhough we were friends for a short time. Actually, to think about it, it has been years. but you know what i mean right. I can't wait to see you next. I love you dearly. I hope you could find it in your heart to forgive me. Thank you again for everything that you've done for me. I really appreciate it. I won't know how to show my appreciation but you'll somehow know it. I hope you're doing good with your job and driving. Tell davide I said hello. hope you both are happy and fine. Next time you're going out. dont forget to call me. I will be very mad if you dont. ok thats it!
-dkm

rocky boat sailing into deep sea..

I cannot stand this feeling anymore. I haven’t done anything wrong to you. Why are you the one giving me the silent treatment? I was not the one that scolded you. It was your mum. If I’ve said something wrong, then just tell me straight up.

Our relationship has been so rocky. I know that I can’t expect us to be smooth sailing all the time. But it’s been rocky everyday. I don’t even feel the love anymore. I miss you so much baby. I can’t stand lying to myself. I need to tell you the truth. I’ve been thinking about you the whole day.

I have restricted myself from calling nor message you. I wanted to give you a bit of space. You can’t blame me for this; I’m still in shocked at the fact that your mum called me and spilt everything to me. She mentioned something about the lawyers and the custody.

I gathered, maybe you really need the space. I can’t keep on coming into your life. I need you to cooperate with me. You need to study. Take these commands as me loving you a lot. Not as an order. I want to see you excel in your studies. I would need you to do the same for me as my o’levels are approaching very close.

I don’t want to tell you that, while typing this in my blog I’m crying like a little baby wanting his or her mum. The amount of times I’ve cried for you are uncountable. I don’t want you to feel pity for me and come over to comfort me. I don’t want to be a distraction anymore.

I didn’t understand why you were being so cruel to me when I called just now. I was talking to you very nicely. Under normal circumstances, I would already start screaming and giving you a sounding of your life. You can’t blame me for something I didn’t know. I really need to take my mind of this. I can’t be having this while my exams are going on. I’ll go crazy.

I already have a few problems accumulating in my brain. I myself am trying to sort this thing out. Slowly I keep on thinking about it and listing down what I’m going to do about it. I sound like I’m a psycho but this is who I really am. I miss you so much. I can’t stand a day without you. But I guess, I won’t be seeing you for the next 2 months. Due to the reason being that your major exams are coming.

Don’t take me wrong sweetie. I really love you but we need to go on a break. Whether we do or don’t, the feeling would be the same. I won’t go running off to some other guy. After you’re done with the exams, I will be in front of you waiting with open arms. So, don’t keep on assuming that I am going to leave you.

We’ve shared so many things. Do you actually think that I’m going to ruined all of those? I won’t forget the intimate part of it. Who would have thought that we’d go that far ahead? I would never regret it. The feeling of it is amazing and mesmerizing. It’s just unexplainable. Now, I’m beginning to know what others are trying to say. It’s totally understandable why people loves it so much. I won’t question it any further. I wish you could read this.
-dkm

toilet...

ohh geez-esss.. hehehe.. I remembered the day I got slapped by mum for saying 'jesus christ'. It must be because I was hanging around christian and they kept on saying it. So I got used to the idea of saying it.

Well, I'm sure you guys are wondering why my blog tittle is 'toilet'? Here is the story. In my toilet, there are so many memories that were made along the years that i've been growing up. I tell you, its amazing how toilet can be a place for conversation and fun.

One of the memories were, my sister and I were singing aloud in the toilet. We were singing all this emo song. Pretty funny huh. Memories that were made were not only by my sister and I. It was shared among all the friends that i've had over in this house. I missed all those moments. I wish I could turn back time and look at it again.
-dkm

Yet another day has gone by..

My mum went into the hospital today for an operation. She came out fine. It was a success. Nothing much was going on today. I didn't go out with my friends, couldn't be bothered. The only place I went was groceries shopping with Ryzal, Zaida and Ezzat. Had fun there. We did everything so quickly. I was running left and right. Funny.

The day passed by really slow. I got a call from Izzat's mum. She was informing about Izzat's studies and attitude. I can see that she is actually blaming it on me. I don't mind taking all the blame and accusation. What can I do? I am just a beautiful distraction. *perasan* She called early in the afternoon, I was half awake. But as soon as I heard her voice, I was wide awake. Listening to her telling me about her son which I already knew.

Apparently, Izzat has been very rude and basically, rebellious. I mean, it's a phase that all of us teenagers go through. Mum is very worried. She felt that she was disobeying her every single time. Plus, she felt that Izzat treated her house like a hotel. Where he goes in and goes back out without her permission. She told me that, her son has never been like this. I wouldn't know this.

Besides that, nothing else happened. I am planning to go on a break with Izzat. So that he could focus on his upcoming exams. With absolutely no distractions. I wouldn't be able to stand it. But in a relationship, you need to make some sacrifices right? Without it, you can't always get it the way you want. Unless, you're a little spoilt brat like someone I know very well by the name of DEENA!!

I miss Farah a lot. I haven't been speaking to her. Recently, I only spoke to her through text and that's it. I've been too caught up with some bullshit in my life. I didn't speak to her since friday. No matter what, she'll always be in my heart. That's it.
-dkm

Nothing more..

I have nothing more to say to this world. The time has come for me to keep my mouth close and give the world only the silence of my mind. I have expressed all the emotions that I wanted. I cannot say that I am satisfied with what I've done or not. Yet, I'm here laying down on the bed thinking I've not finished half of the things in life.

There will come a time where everyone would keep their mouth shut and just let their heart speak. Could I finally say that I am in LOVE? Would this be the right time. Well, even if it is I am not going to trigger the emotions. I don't want to be speaking too soon. I'm not saying that I'm not in love but I don't want 'IT' to be jinx.

Many intimate moments are shared between us. I'm glad that we're still together despite the fight that we went through. I have wondered so much of what you think about me. The feeling I have in me, is more or less like the time I just started going out with you.

I would have to say the fun part of the relationship is the chasing. It wasn't easy to get you. I'm guessing you're a keeper. Eventhough our anniversary morning was a disaster, it was all forgotten as the night falls on us. We had such a great time that we totally forgot about the time that was passing by us. One of the nights that we will always remember. I have put through you so many things and you would never get that from any other person. I miss you sayang. I've been loving you more each day.
-dkm

*mmoommeennttss*

You know one of the times you’re in a car with your mum and she starts blabbering about life. Let’s say you are close to her or you tell her everything about yourself. She knows exactly what’s happening with you. She was there when you needed her. Plus, she was there to pull you back up. Even though she screams at you because she hates looking at you shedding tears that are not worth it yet, she gives you time to wipe your tears and comfort you in the end.
Slowly, I’m beginning to understand the life of mum. The reasons why mum just give us shit. In the end, it’s so for the better of our future. We may not understand at the time of the situation going on. But if you take your time to think it over, you will realize that behind all this screaming, blabbering and lectures, there is always a damn good reason. I hate to admit that sometimes. Especially when you know they are right. All of us human beings in this world would fight to be right. It is wrong to think only one side can be right. In a matter of fact, everyone is right in their own mind. The thing that makes it wrong is the way other people think about it. Unless, there is a fact about the statement being made.

As you know, I’m very close to my mum in a way that I tell her most things about me. The fights, love and others. She knows about nini. In my previous blog, I’ve written about how much I hated her. Well, in the car on the way back from lunch. My mum made a rather profound sentence about love and hate. As we all know, love is the opposite of hate. Therefore, when you love someone so deep you can end up hating them. The amount of hatred that you feel is the same as the amount of love that you’ve had for them. As I think about thoroughly, I figured that it’s so true! I was implying it on the nini incident. I hate her so much now and yet, I loved her dearly in the past. It’s pretty damn amazing init? They were many things that was said by my mum that actually made sense to me. I gathered with this, that it is time for me to forget about the past and move on with life. I will hurl this burden of my shoulder and walk straight again. No more crying over spilt milk.

No one in this world can be living with such despair. You can’t keep on thinking about the same thing. Especially when it doesn’t bring you anywhere. One day, she will realize that my love for her is true and pure. As for now, we need to focus on our studies and excel in education. If not, I will die. Literally.

Sometimes, I feel as if I’m closer to my mum then my sister. I have to admit that sometimes I hate my mum. Because of what she tried to do. Long story. My sister and I share a lot of things that I don’t tell my family members. Basically, I share my darkest secrets with my older sister. As for my mum, I share those little girly secrets with her. I don’t know. I hate the dilemma that I’m in right now. i have a feeling that my sister is pretty much angry with me. That is another story to tell. But due to the reason that I’m really sleepy. I would have to continue this another day.
-dkm

2nd month anniversary..

Before you think of anything, I want to say that the anniversary was a disaster. Before I go on, I would like to say sorry for not updating my blog for the past week. I've been really busy and I didn't have my labtop with me. So it was a bit hard to do anything. Plus, my little brother was being such a pain in the ass.

For the past week, it's been pretty happening and wild. I went clubbing for 4 days straight. Freak am I not?
We're going to start of with Wednesday, I went to zouk for mambo jambo. It was alright. The same people went though. I don't really like the clubbing scene here in Malaysia. It's pretty dull. You will for sure see the same group of people. That's why I like to clubbing once in a while. On wednesday, they played the musics from the 60-70's. Interesting. Everyone was pretty drunk and singing Abba. Oldies. They really dressed up for that night though. I didn't drink much on that night. Didn't want too. Eeww. That's about it that happened there.

Moving on to thursday, it was ghetto heaven at zouk again. I went there AGAIN!!! With the same people. Only this time I hitch a ride with my older brother, Ryzal. I asked his friends whether they were going out, so they said yes. I figured then why not just go with them. I didn't plan to drink so it was fine. No one interesting over there. I got bored. But had so much fun taking lots of pictures of myself in the club with some of my friends. It ended early for me. Ryzal wanted to go home.

Friday, I went to Bangsar. A change of scene. Different music and taste. I was expecting something different. But I was dead wrong. Because, I saw the exact same people as I did in zouk. I got really ticked off but I kept quiet. Everyone was drinking. Plus, Farah wanted too. So i had to take care of her. Didn't have much fun though. I had Izzat there with me at that time. I could notice many girls were glaring at him. Who cares? Went back home early and spent time with Izzat.

Saturday, Not much happened. I went to ampang point. Wanting to play some foosball and meet a few friends. I was bored at home. Nothing to do. I only left the house at 6pm. Couldn't be bothered. Then, Izzat pisses me off. So I left him and went to Bar Savanh and party. I was really pissed. I'm keeping the story short. Because I HATE THIS FUCKING COMPUTER'S KEYBOARD. Once I get my labtop back I will type a lot. Basically, my anniversary was ruined. I hated it. Don't even want to think about it.

I have nothing else to say for now. I had a talk with my mum in the car. Some of the sentences were very much profound. I listened to her well, and somethings maybe a good guidance for me. One of the things she said to me was, you would only hate someone as much as you have love them in the past. To think about it, it's pretty true. Amazingly. I'm surprised. Well, that's it folks. I'll update more once I get my computer. Take care.

Farah, I love you babe!!!
-dkm

Facial..*hurts*

My mum always says that, no pain no gain. I know that but facial is so painful. My mum keeps on bugging me to go to the gym and lose some weight. *phew* I'm just too lazy for that. Of course in my mind, I have something much more easier but dangerous. I feel like doing it everyday but I can't. Gosh, this post is so boring. I don't know what else to write larh. I haven't wrote in my blog for like 2 days. I feel like i've missed something. Hehehe. That's it bloggilina. Hehehe. That's the name of my blog. I am imagining that i'm writing this to the blog. Wooo...
-dkm

Killing her.. Fofo..

There was a time after the cheer 2005, I made a comment about one of the schools that was in it. The name of the school is SBU. It stands for Seri Bintang Utara. It was known as BBGS before. That stood for Bukit Bintang Girl School. Years after, they turned into a co-ed school. This school is already known to be one of the hated school in malaysia. This is from long ago. Many girls hated this school. Well, I started hating this school since I was really young.

Until one day, Izzat's ex-girlfriend aalia was from that school. The story that went around the school was about me and izzat. Something about Izzat was taken away by me from aalia. Childish shit like that. As you know the typical form 3 girls. I remembered when I was in form 3, I used to have a whole gang of friends. The only thing different was, my gang was full of guys. While theirs, are full of girls. Aalia has got friends which just can't shut their mouth. It all started this way. Aalia's bestfriend was a girl named fana. At first, she was one of the girls who bitch-ed about me. I found out about it and confronted her. (pure deena) Then, she admitted her faults and apologize. So I forgave her and started talking. She is indeed a sweet girl.

Then, going back to the earlier story. I made a comment about their school. How they sucked at the cheer comp. They got really ticked off about it. One of them by the name of FOFO, wrote a blog regarding me on friendster. Just to let everybody read it. Typical form 3 as I said before. Saying that im fat, this and that. The usual. So I figured, maybe she was pretty. As I opened her profile to look at her pictures, she looked like a bulldog which got rammed many times over the face. So I was laughing. Even though I'm laughing in the outside. I'm still angry at the fact she wrote that about me. The title of the blog is, Fuck Deena Katrina. She may want to think about what she has wrote. This could create a fight.

Hahaha. Little kids. As I think about it twice, I may not want to bring myself to her level. I find that her friends are very attractive. While she is stuck being the only ugly one there. What a pity? Oh well, lets leave it to her to find out about this blog. She may get mad and she may not. But she needs to watch out of who she's messing with. Don't want her ugly face to get uglier of course. It'll hurt her mum's feeling. Who has been trying to make over her face for the past 15 years of her life. That's it. Gee, can't you just feel the anger of this post? Hehehe. Well, stay tune for more angry updates. Love you guys!!
-dkm

A shout out..

A shout out to one of my best girlfriend in the world, Kalysa!! I want to wish her a very Happy Birthday! I love her so much and I wish everything would go how she wanted. I'm sorry that yoon gi had to leave today and it hurts even more to find out that he's coming back the day you're leaving to england. Well, I hope I could do something to make you happy. We'll have a little gathering tomorrow. Just us girls. Take care Kalysa. I love you so much!
-dkm

Experience.

Have you ever experience the relationship with a guy when his own mum despises you? Well, I'm going through that. I won't say that its a whole lot of fun. I know that I love being hated and the bitchings are fun to hear. But if a mum hates you, it hits you badly at the heart. Not being welcome to the house hurts badly. I understand though.

More and more, I thought about this and I just love my life. Loving my life is one thing, but having Izzat by my side is another thing. I realized that, for this past week, I've been really cruel to him for no reason. Well, of course there is a reason but not really that reasonable. I'm glad that he was able to put up with my attitude. I'm quite surprised myself.

He wouldn't know how thankful I am to have him. I think i'm the luckiest girl. He is one amazing boy and I love him to death. Everything about him is so pure and just full of love. I may not know the real meaning of love but I could be experiencing it right now. They always say something about tears when you love somebody. Well, I've shed tears for Izzat. All of them are the one I won't regret. I don't know what else to say after the message he sent me last night. I am so touched. Every moment I spent with him is the moment that will always be remembered in life.

My bestfriend would know this. I would always want my handphone to be beside me. I can't live without it. But now, I don't care anymore. I don't really bring my handphone around. I just leave it everywhere in my house. I know it's selfish. Cuz, there will be people who would want to get through me. As long as I have Izzat beside me, I would just forget about handphones. I dont know why. He said that he could change me into a better person, but I love the way I am. I don't want to change. Instead, he told me something else. Well, that's it. It would be continued....
-dkm