Gosh, I just realized that I haven't updated my blog for like so long. I've been so busy. Not with my boyfriend alone. With everything else. It includes work, getting scolded by everyone, ezzat's kenduri and loads more. Tomorrow is going to be the day that I will know whether or not I'll be a permanent prefect. Want to know what it says in my heart. A definite NO!! I won't even get sports captain. This two things are really important to me. But I didn't prove to the people that I was capable of doing it. So it's partly my fault of course. One thing for sure is that, when I don't get it. I'd feel as if the whole world is crumbling upon me. No friends of mine could be the pillar to hold it up. It'll be the worst day of a teenager's life. My self-confidence would drop to zero. Just like the day when I didn't get to be the chairperson of the prom comittee. It's all the same. I don't know what else to do. I know i'll be all dramatic. I won't be able to help it though. I really can't stop thinking about it. Whenever I do think about it, my heart beats will increase the pace.
I've been really stressed out. Mum have been giving me a lot of shit. As in lectures and scoldings. I get annoyed but I can't do anything. It seems to me as if she will try to get her every bit of oppurnity to just tick me off. As for my brother, it's about the same now. I told him about the occasions in the school. He won't believe me. He assumes that i'm saying all those things just to run away from work. I've been working at the same time for him. I've been an auditor at his store. He's going to partner up with his god mother to run a comic bookstore. It's really cool. I have to write down the barcodes and do stock check. It is a hectic work. But whoever said that work was going to be easy right? I'm not complaining. I have fun at work. Just that sometimes, when my brother starts shouting, i'll lose my mood and feel angry. Like today, when he was accusing me of lying. I felt really upset and angry. Because I was telling the truth.
Holidays are basically ruined by the people in my family. I wonder why they just cant see me have an easy life. My parent busted me texting izzat saying that my mum is a bitch. Of course i meant it then. What do you expect? I was really angry you know. From last week. She never missed not scolding me. It was as if a daily routine. *sigh* I get really sick and tired of it.
Dreams of mine have been really scary and freaky. I'm not able to sleep peacefully at night because of it. Every night, i'll dream of all the negative things. I hate it. I don't know how to control my dreams though. Plus, i'll wake up feeling really tired and stressed out. Oh gosh, I just hate it. Sometimes, i do feel like taking sleeping pills. but i fear that i might get addicted to it. I know i will. I am addicted to drugs. Heheehe.
I really do miss Farah and Kaly though! I havent been talking to them for so long. I wonder what they're up to. All of us have been busy with our own lives. Kaly and Farah have got college life to run. For me, my holidays i've got so much to do. Ezzat's kenduri is coming near. Well, I have nothing else to write for this post. I'll post up more. I'm sorry for not updating it earlier.
-dkm
