I give up. I don't know what to think. I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. You're beginning to hurt me so much more. I'm having headaches just thinking about you. I can't concentrate on things I want to. I am fed up of the situation. I can't keep this fake smile on anymore. It's far too tiring for me. I love you so much. I really do. But this could bring 'us' to end. I don't know what's going on with you. I keep on making the decisions and I keep trying to patch things up. Nothing ever comes out of it. I'm not producing any results from this. Could this just be me? I'm not trying to give you shit or anything. But I really can't help it. Every night, you give me shit. I get hurt and get nightmares. I wake up being all tired and the next thing I know, I forget about everything and we're back to normal again. Everyday the same thing. I'm so tensed up.
I feel as if we're separated. Physically we're not but, spiritually we are. Sayang, why is it like this? Please help me. I don't know what to think. I'm so blank. I need help. Farah, if you're reading this. I need your help. I need some words from my girlfriends. I need it. Nothing can cure this. I can't keep on crying for the same thing. I don't like that. Worst, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. I'm numb. I can't stand this anymore. I am sorry. I would have to go back to self-mutilation. I need to. I'm weak again. I went back to who I was last time before I got with you.
-dkm
