Wednesday, June 29, 2005
to him**
When you get to read this, just remember that I love you with all my heart. I heart you, izzat. You are everything. You may be a mind teaser, but that's the thing that makes you so mind-blowing. I might not be able to say it on the phone, but you just need to know that all of this is in my thought. I've always thought that dancing would be the best cure of all pain but I was wrong. Since I met you, it all changed. You came walking into my life and made it so bright. You are one of a kind. No, actually you’re one in a million. Izzat, I want to see you and hear your voice at the same time. I wish I could do that every night and everyday of this period. But all I know is that, you can’t always get what you want. Time passes by so fast when I’m with you. One day felt as if it’s like few hours. Without you, it feels like a few days. You are the sunshine that has shone through my window every morning when I wake up. Wondrous night has been but a sweet memory for both you and I. I can’t seem to stop thinking about you, no matter how occupied I am. It doesn’t matter what I’m caught up in. It isn’t enough to be the barricades of you. Whenever I look at you, I’d always think that you’re just simply flawless. We’re both are so attached. We need each other like the trees need the sun. We’re so in love together and won’t be able to depart like our own nails. I’m really happy for both of us that I just don’t know what to say anymore. Tears are shed alongside. Tears are dropping down from my chubby cheeks. Don’t worry Izzat; these are what I call the tears of joy. You may not realize that I love you very much. It won’t be able to show itself like physical wise. Love is something hidden. It’s like a mystery that is just waiting to be solved by two people. I have declared this mystery solved by you and I. The mystery of love that was hidden behind the strange maze. All these things are strange yet beautiful. I have always wondered whether a beautiful paradise actually exists. Now, I have found out that there is such thing. It’s right here on earth. I just need to share it with the right person. He was the key to open the door to the paradise. Here we are, being all happy in our own little world. The paradise is one of the most beautiful things on earth. It’s really an eye-opener. Glad.
(math)
You know how i've been talking about me hating math and crap. Well, today I found out I passed it. Hehehe. Didn't know I would pass it. I mean, in my heart it kept on saying that I would fail. I'm actually very happy about this. Today, I had my business studies and history exams. History was alright and business was alright too. I didn't expect business would be like that. I predicted a harder paper to come out. Guess, I was wrong. So happy!!!!
-dkm
-dkm
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
^^Surprised^^
This post is specifically to the girls out there.....
You know when you have a boyfriend, one of the things that excite you is the monthly anniversary. I mean, if you always stay with a guy for months then maybe it wouldn't be that exciting. For me, as we all know I don't stay with a guy more than a month. So two days ago, I was thinking about the anniversary. Plus, I couldn't remember when was it. I did write it in my journal though. Going on with that, I asked Izzat whether he remembered it or not. Surprisingly, he said yes. I was shocked. Not many guys bother about this things. One of the reasons that made me more attracted to him. Beautiful Distraction, I call him. The day will come soon enough. I can't wait. The only sad thing is that, I'm not going to be here on that day itself. I'll be off at my prefects' camp. Maybe, I wouldnt have to go. I'm not bothered to go. But because, i really want that sports captain post I suppose i'm forced to go.
To be shy or not to be shy?
Once you're together with a person. I don't think you would have to be shy anymore. Look at it this way, if you are shy it shows that you're still not comfortable with that person. With my previous boyfriends, I've been shy with them. When it comes to this particular one, i'm not at all shy. Don't go thinking so far about this. I'm saying that, if you love someone, eventually you realized that you need to be comfortable with them. I'm happy that we're both are two different people. Totally rwo different character + attitude. That is the thing that makes us 'one'! I mean, if we both have the same thing going on, then it'll be a double.
Patience...*blurgh*
Patience is virtue. I know I know, I dont have much patience. Most humans on this earth needs it a lot. I have to admit that I am definitely lack of patience. I get irritated, annoyed, angry and agitated. Whether or not it's a small thing. That's not the point, i'll still get annoyed. Muahahaha. I know it isnt good but i'm not sure how i can store patience in myself. In my family, patience is nowhere in the house. The only person who has patience is my darling sister(yazmin). Other than, not a single one. Well, with izzat beside me. He is trying his best to help me get some patience into my system. I'm sure Farah and Kaly are doing the same thing. Just in a different way. Love all of you guys to bits.
Spread the love....<3
Not many people would think that i'm the type of girl who would love something so much to the extend that I would do anything for that person or something. I have to say that, even by looking at my own mirror, it does not at all potray that face. In the inside, it's totally different. Most people would be shocked. It has been said by 3 of my girls that, I may be rough but i'm a girly-gurl in the inside. I like that. Sometimes, if i become too nice to people, they'll start stepping on my head and take advantage of me. Taking me for granted. That has happen one too many times. I mean, i'll get fed up of it. In the end, i'll be the one that gets hurt. I have this really bitchy + 'dont mess with me' attitude. I try to keep on this image and attitude on me so that, noone will ever step on my head again! Yes, some people might be whining and complaining about my horrible and terrible attitude. The only problem is that, they dont know who i really am. So therefore, the only solution is to shut up or just hang out with me. Many people question me and shit like that regarding my attitude. But whatever it is, its my life so stay the fuck away. ahahaaha..
-dkm
You know when you have a boyfriend, one of the things that excite you is the monthly anniversary. I mean, if you always stay with a guy for months then maybe it wouldn't be that exciting. For me, as we all know I don't stay with a guy more than a month. So two days ago, I was thinking about the anniversary. Plus, I couldn't remember when was it. I did write it in my journal though. Going on with that, I asked Izzat whether he remembered it or not. Surprisingly, he said yes. I was shocked. Not many guys bother about this things. One of the reasons that made me more attracted to him. Beautiful Distraction, I call him. The day will come soon enough. I can't wait. The only sad thing is that, I'm not going to be here on that day itself. I'll be off at my prefects' camp. Maybe, I wouldnt have to go. I'm not bothered to go. But because, i really want that sports captain post I suppose i'm forced to go.
To be shy or not to be shy?
Once you're together with a person. I don't think you would have to be shy anymore. Look at it this way, if you are shy it shows that you're still not comfortable with that person. With my previous boyfriends, I've been shy with them. When it comes to this particular one, i'm not at all shy. Don't go thinking so far about this. I'm saying that, if you love someone, eventually you realized that you need to be comfortable with them. I'm happy that we're both are two different people. Totally rwo different character + attitude. That is the thing that makes us 'one'! I mean, if we both have the same thing going on, then it'll be a double.
Patience...*blurgh*
Patience is virtue. I know I know, I dont have much patience. Most humans on this earth needs it a lot. I have to admit that I am definitely lack of patience. I get irritated, annoyed, angry and agitated. Whether or not it's a small thing. That's not the point, i'll still get annoyed. Muahahaha. I know it isnt good but i'm not sure how i can store patience in myself. In my family, patience is nowhere in the house. The only person who has patience is my darling sister(yazmin). Other than, not a single one. Well, with izzat beside me. He is trying his best to help me get some patience into my system. I'm sure Farah and Kaly are doing the same thing. Just in a different way. Love all of you guys to bits.
Spread the love....<3
Not many people would think that i'm the type of girl who would love something so much to the extend that I would do anything for that person or something. I have to say that, even by looking at my own mirror, it does not at all potray that face. In the inside, it's totally different. Most people would be shocked. It has been said by 3 of my girls that, I may be rough but i'm a girly-gurl in the inside. I like that. Sometimes, if i become too nice to people, they'll start stepping on my head and take advantage of me. Taking me for granted. That has happen one too many times. I mean, i'll get fed up of it. In the end, i'll be the one that gets hurt. I have this really bitchy + 'dont mess with me' attitude. I try to keep on this image and attitude on me so that, noone will ever step on my head again! Yes, some people might be whining and complaining about my horrible and terrible attitude. The only problem is that, they dont know who i really am. So therefore, the only solution is to shut up or just hang out with me. Many people question me and shit like that regarding my attitude. But whatever it is, its my life so stay the fuck away. ahahaaha..
-dkm
Monday, June 27, 2005
+ + miscellaneous + +
The different thoughts in this post. I didn't update my blog for like a day. It seems like i've missed out a lot. So i'm going to list it all first. It'll be as follow;
- What a weird theory...
- My weakness is getting out of hand.
- Why don't I dare tell it to your face?
- Could that be true? Would you?
What a weird theory...
I have been thinking a lot about this theory of mine. The problem was that, I wasn't sure whether I could call it a theory yet or not. I wasn't sure about it at first. But judging by all the things I have encountered, maybe now I have the right to say it. I don't think anything in this world is original anymore. Why don't you think about it yourself? I mean, this world has existed for thousands of years. So therefore, most things are already discovered by people. You know how you discover things, you might think noone has discovered it yet. But how sure of that can you be? You don't know the whole world to be able to say that. Someone else out there might have discovered the same thing and said exactly the same thing that you did. Well, this may not be true but I dont know. This is what I think. muahahaha.
My weakness is getting out of hand..
I don't understand why my weakness is getting out of hand. I get all agitated and i'll start to shiver. It's annoying. I mean, I used to be able to control my emotions but lately, it's all going haywire. Maybe because I've got too many things on my mind. Two nights ago, I had a little problem. The problem is something that should not be told here. Wrong people who would get to read this would be able to use it agaisnt me in future. Anyways, I couldn't control it and i started to shiver. Then, I couldnt breathe. The funny part was that, I was trying to look for my inhaler and couldnt find it. My room is in a mess because i threw everything all over the place. Plus, this could be happening also because i'm ill. So yeah. I think, the whole system is getting triggered. Like the domino effect. Other than that, i'll explain later....
Why dont I dare tell it to your face?
Surprisingly, I dare not tell it to your face because i'm very much intimidated by you. It's kind of weird because as we all know, I dont get intimidated by anyone but my family and god. I'm glad that you could actually control me. Whatever it is, I really didn't dare tell you that I wanted to stay at the party. I didn't want to cancel the plans that you made to go to hartamas. So I just had to go. Thus, all my friends from the uk and aussie land were in Zouk. I didn't like looking at your face all bored. Looking at your face like that, spoilt my mood as well. I dont want you to not have fun. I dont want to be selfish. I keep on making the plans and I keep on having fun alone. Even if you say you're having fun, do you actually think i'm going to believe that? Think about it, your facial expression doesnt say it at all. Well, that's not for me to know is it. We'll just see it for ourselves soon enough.
Could that be true? Would you?
Funny comment that my mum made today at breakfast. She said that, it's possible for you break up with me due to my horrible attitude. I was thinking about it. While I was thinking, all this time i've known you. Not once have I ever tried to be someone else infront of you. I showed you my true colours and yet you still go out with me. But could there be more beneath my horrible attitude? I sometime wonder a lot about that. I want to know but you won't tell me. I'm not sure whether i'm doing the right thing but thinking about this a lot. It could help me in some stuff tho. The problem is, my mum doesn't know how I act when we're alone. I always scream and shout at home. That doesnt mean I do it outside. Well, sometime but I dont scream at you. Do I? Aiyoyoyoyo.. There are so many things going across my mind. But everytime I see your face, it'll be blown away into the air. I'm glad you're in my life and not anybody else. No replacement. Love you izzat.
-dkm
The reasons for it..
The reasons why I get irritated with you.. always.. always..
- You keep on making me think about you all the time. I know it's not your fault but please get a handphone earlier!! So I can easily call.
- You're always taking your own sweet time as if the whole world is revolving around you.
- You never tell me the solid plan of something. Always going with the flow and leave me hanging on one side and wondering what we going to do next.
- You are really indecisive, I have to be the one always making plans. (which sometime makes me feel really selfish tau!!)
- You always wake up late.
- You never call me after school.
Trust me, there are actually more to this list. I just can't think of any right now. So whatever.
-dkm
Friday, June 24, 2005
23rd June '05
Ya Allah!! Sangap gilerr!! Today, exam finished at 10.45am. Math was alright but i'm still failing. Second paper was physics! *argh* It was mad + crazy! I'm so lucky that it was Multiple Choice Question(MCQ). Right now, i'm in geography class doing nothing. There's absolutely nothing to do in here! I'm sitting at one place and listening to everybody's conversation. Especially that black girl with the awful body odour. Yeah, she's here infront of me. I'm just staring at the white board and trying to think. I can smell her from miles away. *darn* It's not very pleasant. *pfft* Gee, now they're singing too!! Cant they just shut up!! AH! *alalalallalala* All I want is my ciggy. I want to puff my lives away. Wouldn't it be nice if you could blow it all away? And it'll just disappear in thin air. I'm not sure what's going on because this class is going mad!! *pulling my hair* They are so retarded! God, help me please. At this moment I need help. I'm desperate. They're all being so childish. I wish I could be like that too but i'm just not in the right mood. I'm ill and I dont feel like jumping around. They're spraying this water thingyy towards each other. I dont mind them doing that. Just hoping for it not to reach me. I know, if it does i'm going to start shouting at them. Well, eventually it did. I kept quiet tho. hahahah. The spraying game continued on as if it was so hilarious. More people came to join the game. I got a bit confused. What was so fun about that game? I looked at it as if it was drugs. Heheh. Cuz the people who came in class with an awful face became all hyper after being sprayed by that water mist.
My days have been so lonely. Wait a min, isnt that like not surprising at all?? I'm not even sure whether I chose this path or direction. Maybe, this is the way that 'HE' wants me to go. I will never know that something even greater than anything is waiting for me in the future. Well, I dont live in this world to think about my future all the time. We need to be a bit spontaneous sometimes. Meditated is great but not all the time! Another thought could be that, this all could be the reality of my life. All these years that i've been alive, I could be living a dream. I could have been in a deep sleep where nothing could disturb me. Suddenly, someone just slapped me and got me out of bed. Telling me to wash up and open my eyes. I would never think that it could be this bad. All I know is that my reality is turning into a dream again. Why you may ask? It's because i'm starting to restore my confidence again. Everything is falling into place except for my grades!! I have people who loves me. I mean, what more could i ask? besides all the materials that are out in stores now!! Hhehehe.
Today I had a really bad tummy ache! *ouchies* Couldnt stop vomiting. I practically lost all my taste buds. Now, I dont taste anything anymore. Everything tastes so bitter. (my boyfriend had a thought that im actually forcing myself to vomit). Thanks! *ahaks* I got home at 1.15pm. Abang picked me up. Which I thought that was very nice and sincere for him to do that for me. Under normal circumstances, he'll be the last person to even volunteer. Hehehe. As i got in the care, he was telling me that i should have just stayed in school for another 45mins but I just couldnt. I mean, the boredom was killing me inside and out. One chinese kid tried to pick a fight with me. For the most stupid things, my friends and I were discussing something about math. He came into the class and started talking out loud to all my friends and rudely interupting me. I told him to stop it instead he continued and pretend i wasnt there. I stood up and shouted at him. Had a few good combats and that made him shut up. *blurgh* Loser!!.... I brought my Ipod with me to school, so I was just enjoying my time alone in class listening to some house music to get my mind off some stuff. Soon after, students just had to come and destroy my peace!! The annoyance and disturbance was totally inevitable!!
Anyways, weekend is close by. I have a party to attend tomorrow. A birthday party. Finally I can have fun without having to look at that bitches and losers' face in school!! *close mouth* ooooppsssieees, did i say that on my blog? What happens if they read this? They're going to hate me more! Oh no!! Well, one thing for sure is that they are pathetic human beings that loves ruining peoples' lives.
As usual after school, I got home I fell asleep for a bit. Before I could even go into my dream, izzat called. Spoke to him and made plans. Went to his house and just chilled there. Didnt enjoy myself much. Was too sick to do anything. I got home early from izzat's house. I couldnt stand being outside my home when i'm sick. As i got home, my temperature rose up fast. My maid took some ice and placed it on my head. I fell asleep infront of the tv with my little brother. We were actually watching treasure planet. I'm still feeling really ill. I dont know why. I have this awful headache. I cant live like this. I'll be too miserable. Izzat is out somewhere with his sister buying credit. He's actually suppose to call me back in twenty minutes. But as i look at the time, it has been half an hour and no calls. I cant blame him. He has been like that. So i'm not going to say anything about it now. No point. But now, im really sick!! no pretence!! *darnit* Wish I was well....
One more thing before I end this post. I AM SO FORGETFUL BECAUSE I HAVE MY ISLAM EXAMS TOMORROW AND I LEFT MY NOTES IN MY LOCKER. So what does this lead to? Me failing islam!! Bingo!! *sounds of winning bell* 100 points for those who said it!! I dont know, i know itll bring down my average. But what can i do? My brain isnt working that well! *sigh* Deena deena deena, once a mistake, twice a fool and third a habit!! By the way, my dreams are getting really freaky by the day. I've found some weird scratches on my body too! Weird huh??
-dkm
My days have been so lonely. Wait a min, isnt that like not surprising at all?? I'm not even sure whether I chose this path or direction. Maybe, this is the way that 'HE' wants me to go. I will never know that something even greater than anything is waiting for me in the future. Well, I dont live in this world to think about my future all the time. We need to be a bit spontaneous sometimes. Meditated is great but not all the time! Another thought could be that, this all could be the reality of my life. All these years that i've been alive, I could be living a dream. I could have been in a deep sleep where nothing could disturb me. Suddenly, someone just slapped me and got me out of bed. Telling me to wash up and open my eyes. I would never think that it could be this bad. All I know is that my reality is turning into a dream again. Why you may ask? It's because i'm starting to restore my confidence again. Everything is falling into place except for my grades!! I have people who loves me. I mean, what more could i ask? besides all the materials that are out in stores now!! Hhehehe.
Today I had a really bad tummy ache! *ouchies* Couldnt stop vomiting. I practically lost all my taste buds. Now, I dont taste anything anymore. Everything tastes so bitter. (my boyfriend had a thought that im actually forcing myself to vomit). Thanks! *ahaks* I got home at 1.15pm. Abang picked me up. Which I thought that was very nice and sincere for him to do that for me. Under normal circumstances, he'll be the last person to even volunteer. Hehehe. As i got in the care, he was telling me that i should have just stayed in school for another 45mins but I just couldnt. I mean, the boredom was killing me inside and out. One chinese kid tried to pick a fight with me. For the most stupid things, my friends and I were discussing something about math. He came into the class and started talking out loud to all my friends and rudely interupting me. I told him to stop it instead he continued and pretend i wasnt there. I stood up and shouted at him. Had a few good combats and that made him shut up. *blurgh* Loser!!.... I brought my Ipod with me to school, so I was just enjoying my time alone in class listening to some house music to get my mind off some stuff. Soon after, students just had to come and destroy my peace!! The annoyance and disturbance was totally inevitable!!
Anyways, weekend is close by. I have a party to attend tomorrow. A birthday party. Finally I can have fun without having to look at that bitches and losers' face in school!! *close mouth* ooooppsssieees, did i say that on my blog? What happens if they read this? They're going to hate me more! Oh no!! Well, one thing for sure is that they are pathetic human beings that loves ruining peoples' lives.
As usual after school, I got home I fell asleep for a bit. Before I could even go into my dream, izzat called. Spoke to him and made plans. Went to his house and just chilled there. Didnt enjoy myself much. Was too sick to do anything. I got home early from izzat's house. I couldnt stand being outside my home when i'm sick. As i got home, my temperature rose up fast. My maid took some ice and placed it on my head. I fell asleep infront of the tv with my little brother. We were actually watching treasure planet. I'm still feeling really ill. I dont know why. I have this awful headache. I cant live like this. I'll be too miserable. Izzat is out somewhere with his sister buying credit. He's actually suppose to call me back in twenty minutes. But as i look at the time, it has been half an hour and no calls. I cant blame him. He has been like that. So i'm not going to say anything about it now. No point. But now, im really sick!! no pretence!! *darnit* Wish I was well....
One more thing before I end this post. I AM SO FORGETFUL BECAUSE I HAVE MY ISLAM EXAMS TOMORROW AND I LEFT MY NOTES IN MY LOCKER. So what does this lead to? Me failing islam!! Bingo!! *sounds of winning bell* 100 points for those who said it!! I dont know, i know itll bring down my average. But what can i do? My brain isnt working that well! *sigh* Deena deena deena, once a mistake, twice a fool and third a habit!! By the way, my dreams are getting really freaky by the day. I've found some weird scratches on my body too! Weird huh??
-dkm
ape2 je larh.....
What is this? One thing I hate is my own boyfriend not calling me. I know I cant ask for too much but he never calls me. I want him to call me once i'm back from school. There is no excuse he can give me besides the point that he doesn't have a phone. But there's always his sister's phone. Is it so much to ask? Thus, I've been having exams. Coming back home being all stressed out with him not calling. Like today, I want him to call me so much. I was at the verge to cry. So many things came across my mind. My parents are being total bitch towards me and I didnt like it. All I needed was a little affection from someone.
Exams today was alright. I thought that math would be a pain in the brain. I was wrong. It was pretty alright. Altho, i didnt get to answer some questions tho. Hehehe. English was alright. It was essay. So I guess, i'll be fine since I love writing so much. Going on to the next thing, teachers were talking about the sports captain position today. Mentioning it infront of me. They were saying that the votes are going to be out soon. They're going to announce it on my speech day. I can't wait for that day, where i'll just break down and cry. I know for a fact I wont get the position. So should I even bother going to the occasion? Prefects camp are coming soon after my exams are finish. Apparently, that is where the evaluation going to be made. Whether we'll be the permanent prefects or not. Over there, they're going to give us some test to see how we solve stuff. I didnt really bother hearing what they have to say. I dont think I would get to be anything that I want too. Plus, I was asleep most of the time I was in school. I was dead bored. Well, that's it for this post... I'll put up more soon.. very soon.. maybe like in a few hours..
-dkm
Exams today was alright. I thought that math would be a pain in the brain. I was wrong. It was pretty alright. Altho, i didnt get to answer some questions tho. Hehehe. English was alright. It was essay. So I guess, i'll be fine since I love writing so much. Going on to the next thing, teachers were talking about the sports captain position today. Mentioning it infront of me. They were saying that the votes are going to be out soon. They're going to announce it on my speech day. I can't wait for that day, where i'll just break down and cry. I know for a fact I wont get the position. So should I even bother going to the occasion? Prefects camp are coming soon after my exams are finish. Apparently, that is where the evaluation going to be made. Whether we'll be the permanent prefects or not. Over there, they're going to give us some test to see how we solve stuff. I didnt really bother hearing what they have to say. I dont think I would get to be anything that I want too. Plus, I was asleep most of the time I was in school. I was dead bored. Well, that's it for this post... I'll put up more soon.. very soon.. maybe like in a few hours..
-dkm
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
again with izzat.. u guys will get bored of this..
Today, another day that I spent with him. Although it was a short span of time but I had so much laughing and merajuk-ing with him. After school, I was suppose to go to his house straight away. Knowing me, I was taking my own sweet time with my lazy ass. Hehe. So I reached his house at 3pm. It wasn't that late. It's not as if he was waiting for me or anything. When I reached there, he was sleeping in yasmin's room. I went in there and started to disturb him. Few minutes later, he told me to stay put and he went into his room to get something. The thing that was going on in my thought was maybe that he was going to change or get his face wash or something. I was in yasmin's room, laying down and made myself comfortable. As he walked in the room, I was surprised to see that he was holding a sunflower in his hand to give it to me. I was shocked because I can't remember telling him that i love sunflowers. I was speechless but thank god the word thank you came out of my mouth. My face was flushed but I know he didnt see it. Everything went on as normal but now i keep on thinking what to give him. I dont want to buy him clothes or anything. Dont want to seem materialistic. I really want to do something for him though. Something really creative and from my own hands. Still can't believe that he did that for me. I love him even more for that. My hands are getting really tired, so i'll continue tomorrow..
-dkm
-dkm
one more year to go with school....
I have got one more year to go with school. I feel as if i'm still in form one. Well, that's where I wish I am. So then, I could still play a fool and act as if nothing was coming for me. Now, we all have to be serious and show good example to our juniors. I want to be the junior one. I used to remember those days when I said, I wanted to finish school fast so I could have freedom and all that crap. I dont want it to be like that anymore. I want to be back in form 2 or 3. School is going to end soon. To be more precised, it's going to end in like 2 weeks. Can you believe it? After that, i'll be in year 11!! Oh no! I'd have to study hard for my IGCSE and be all serious. There is still one thing I want to achieve in school though. I want to get the position of a sports captain. If you ask me whether I think i'm capable or not, I'd have to say that I am proudly. So many things are on my mind and I just can't stop thinking of the fact that i'm going to face the major exams in a few months. It's not even one year if you really count it thoroughly. Its way less than that!!! I guess, all teenagers have to go through that. Whether they like it or not.
Wow, exam has started already! Not to mention this would be the examination that would determined whether you are good enough to pass year 10 to get to year 11. Year 10 is coming to an end. Well, atleast for some of us, for those selected one they could be retained, possibly like me!!
There are so many memories to be remembered. Since I was in year 7 till now! There were many fights that I had to put up with, discovered new things alongside and had more experienced than ever. So I guess that, it was all for a good cost. I would always love those time when 'we' all laughed together. There was a time that we even cried together. Love, laughter and tears were shared amongst us.
I thought of this long time ago, but never came to it. One of the reason that you go to school for, are because of your friends. You just love to socialize around and talk to them. I mean, how many of us actually go to school for education but what happens if you just lose all your friends in one shot. You have nothing then. There will be no point to even go to school anymore. You will feel as if you've lost your world and nothing would every be able to pick it up again. Just try to imagine that, today you have almost the whole school by your side. Always supporting and motivating you. One day, you go to school and suddenly, everyone is agaisnt you. It happens so fast. *pooff*
One of the best thing about school is the party, camps and etc.You just have a blast over there at those places. I'm going to admit that, once school is done and over with. I will miss it to the max. Along with the people i've met and everything else. The thing that i would miss the most in the school bell. hehehe. It's just so classic. No other school has got that bell!! It's like an ice-cream truck!!! I would love if i could give out a speech on prom night!! It'll be the bomb-ing shit...
That's not all for this post.. There will be more coming.. I dont even think anyone would bother reading this.. its really long in it? hehehe. well if you are reading it, just enjoy it.. loving the people out there.. you know who you are..
-dkm
Wow, exam has started already! Not to mention this would be the examination that would determined whether you are good enough to pass year 10 to get to year 11. Year 10 is coming to an end. Well, atleast for some of us, for those selected one they could be retained, possibly like me!!
There are so many memories to be remembered. Since I was in year 7 till now! There were many fights that I had to put up with, discovered new things alongside and had more experienced than ever. So I guess that, it was all for a good cost. I would always love those time when 'we' all laughed together. There was a time that we even cried together. Love, laughter and tears were shared amongst us.
I thought of this long time ago, but never came to it. One of the reason that you go to school for, are because of your friends. You just love to socialize around and talk to them. I mean, how many of us actually go to school for education but what happens if you just lose all your friends in one shot. You have nothing then. There will be no point to even go to school anymore. You will feel as if you've lost your world and nothing would every be able to pick it up again. Just try to imagine that, today you have almost the whole school by your side. Always supporting and motivating you. One day, you go to school and suddenly, everyone is agaisnt you. It happens so fast. *pooff*
One of the best thing about school is the party, camps and etc.You just have a blast over there at those places. I'm going to admit that, once school is done and over with. I will miss it to the max. Along with the people i've met and everything else. The thing that i would miss the most in the school bell. hehehe. It's just so classic. No other school has got that bell!! It's like an ice-cream truck!!! I would love if i could give out a speech on prom night!! It'll be the bomb-ing shit...
That's not all for this post.. There will be more coming.. I dont even think anyone would bother reading this.. its really long in it? hehehe. well if you are reading it, just enjoy it.. loving the people out there.. you know who you are..
-dkm
Today. First day of examination.
Today was the first day. I had my computer practical and theory exams. I won't say it's easy but if I studied for it then maybe it would be easy. The problem was, I didn't have the complete notes nor did I have the book to study for it. It was funny though. The theory was alright, I didn't break my head or anything. When it came to the practical part of the the paper, I got a bit nervous because I totally forgotten how to create a website. Thanks to me remembering about my blog, I remembered a few things. It was going really smooth until the electricity went out. The whole school blacked out! I didn't even get to save my work. Due to that, I had to re-do all the shit I did. It was such a hassle. They had a vote whether we should take a new paper or go on with the same one. I didn't say anything to it. I kept quiet 'cause i'd be ok with anything. I was one of the earliest student to finish my paper but our teacher gave us extra time to do the work. Now, i'm biting my nails and cracking my head on what to study for physics and math. These are the two subject I hate most. Trust me, i'm not alone in this one. Tomorrow would be my english exam, paper one. So wish me luck. Actually, luck is not what I need. I need some knowledge. Hehe. That's it for this post. More to come...
-dkm
-dkm
Monday, June 20, 2005
"we met.. long after, 'it' happened.."
I'm not sure whether most people would remember when they met their love one. Well, I definitely remember when I first met izzat. It was at a friend's party. More or less like a house party. A small gathering. At that time, he had a thing going on with this particular girl who I wasn't very fond of. We weren't talking so much. Due to the reason that he doesn't talk so much. He was really quiet. When I got to that party and met everyone, I started flirting with this other guy who I thought was cute. Gee, I regret flirting with him. He is so poyo!! I never actually spoke to izzat on that day. I mean, he didn't talk much so I didn't bother trying to make a conversation with him. Plus, the other guy was already entertaining me. After that day, i got his number but I didn't bother calling him. Soon after, I met him occasionally. I started having a crush on him. But i continued and kept quiet about it. This was like a year ago.
Few months after that, I keep on seeing him in ampang point playing foosball with his bunch of friends. It was nothing at first. I was having something with this other guy, a different one. Suddenly, I got to talk to him a bit and he started making me laugh and always making me smile. Always ready with his funny jokes and funny acts. I started liking him slowly. Everytime he came to ampang point, I would get over excited. I remembered that everytime he came, I would always start jumping without fail. I would be so happy to see his face there. Once i'm infront of him, i'll control and act as if nothing is happening. We'll have our little little flirts, was nothing though.
One day, I just decided to ask him whether he had a girlfriend. I didn't know where I got the guts to ask him that question but I just did. He answered yes, so I got a bit pushed away. It made me feel as though I just fell deep into the ground. So I thought of giving up and just leaving it the way it was. When I asked him that question, he kept on asking me why I asked him that? I couldn't tell him the truth, it would be too embarassing for me.
So few weeks after, there was a party that was organized by my friends. It was a whole bunch of them organizing it. I was invited to it and he was one of the people in that group. Like normal, I went to that party. Had lots of fun over there. The whole night I was flirting with another guy. He was busy taking care of the front. That night, he kept on shooting me with the video camera. I was really shy, because I know I dont at all look good in cameras. As in video cameras. I look horrible!! After the party end, most of his friends were going to his house. One of them invited me, I didn't want to go at first. I felt awkward because I didn't know izzat really well at that time. His bestfriend was texting me while he was at izzat's house. Asking me to go there and accompany him. So i did. I went for his bestfriend and had no cruel intentions or whatsoever.
It was already early in the morning, we had so much fun laughing together. Jokes were exchange throughout the night. I got tired, soon after I was just laying down on the bed. Izzat just happened to be beside me at that time. His girlfriend was there in the house, under the same roof. Everything happened on that night. Well, not literally everything. But that was what made us started realize something different! A lot of people busted us hugging and laying down really close next to each other. I enjoyed it of course, maybe because I liked him!! Du-uh!! I went back home at around 2pm. I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened on that day. I didn't know any way to contact him, so I just left it that way.
Surprisingly, I started talking to his friends and it went on. I went to hartamas in the middle of the night with his friend named syahmi and him. I ignored him the whole night, because he act as if nothing happened. So I got a bit affected! I had a filthy face on! He couldn't stand it, he asked me whats wrong. I answered nothing and just turned away. Was being a total bitch towards him. After that night, we started talking a lot and hung out a lot. That's when it all started. What happens after that, i'm not really going to tell you. That one must leave it out. It's for me to know, and for you to find out! I love izzat. Thats it.
-dkm
Few months after that, I keep on seeing him in ampang point playing foosball with his bunch of friends. It was nothing at first. I was having something with this other guy, a different one. Suddenly, I got to talk to him a bit and he started making me laugh and always making me smile. Always ready with his funny jokes and funny acts. I started liking him slowly. Everytime he came to ampang point, I would get over excited. I remembered that everytime he came, I would always start jumping without fail. I would be so happy to see his face there. Once i'm infront of him, i'll control and act as if nothing is happening. We'll have our little little flirts, was nothing though.
One day, I just decided to ask him whether he had a girlfriend. I didn't know where I got the guts to ask him that question but I just did. He answered yes, so I got a bit pushed away. It made me feel as though I just fell deep into the ground. So I thought of giving up and just leaving it the way it was. When I asked him that question, he kept on asking me why I asked him that? I couldn't tell him the truth, it would be too embarassing for me.
So few weeks after, there was a party that was organized by my friends. It was a whole bunch of them organizing it. I was invited to it and he was one of the people in that group. Like normal, I went to that party. Had lots of fun over there. The whole night I was flirting with another guy. He was busy taking care of the front. That night, he kept on shooting me with the video camera. I was really shy, because I know I dont at all look good in cameras. As in video cameras. I look horrible!! After the party end, most of his friends were going to his house. One of them invited me, I didn't want to go at first. I felt awkward because I didn't know izzat really well at that time. His bestfriend was texting me while he was at izzat's house. Asking me to go there and accompany him. So i did. I went for his bestfriend and had no cruel intentions or whatsoever.
It was already early in the morning, we had so much fun laughing together. Jokes were exchange throughout the night. I got tired, soon after I was just laying down on the bed. Izzat just happened to be beside me at that time. His girlfriend was there in the house, under the same roof. Everything happened on that night. Well, not literally everything. But that was what made us started realize something different! A lot of people busted us hugging and laying down really close next to each other. I enjoyed it of course, maybe because I liked him!! Du-uh!! I went back home at around 2pm. I couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened on that day. I didn't know any way to contact him, so I just left it that way.
Surprisingly, I started talking to his friends and it went on. I went to hartamas in the middle of the night with his friend named syahmi and him. I ignored him the whole night, because he act as if nothing happened. So I got a bit affected! I had a filthy face on! He couldn't stand it, he asked me whats wrong. I answered nothing and just turned away. Was being a total bitch towards him. After that night, we started talking a lot and hung out a lot. That's when it all started. What happens after that, i'm not really going to tell you. That one must leave it out. It's for me to know, and for you to find out! I love izzat. Thats it.
-dkm
Smoking Kills!
As much as we all know how smoking kills, yet we still do it right? I remembered the first time I tried smoking, it was infront of my school. A weird place to try it. It was with my seniors. Latisha and some of the boys. I'm not saying that they were the one that influenced me to do it. I was the one that had an itchy hands that wanted to try it.
When I first tried it, it felt cool with the smoke coming out from your mouth. After that day, I kept going with those same group and taking their cigarrete of them. I kept smoking but I never did inhale the smoke at first. Soon after, I realize that i'm buying my own cigarretes from shops. I mean, one advantage that I have is my old face. I look old enough to buy ciggy without them asking me for my ID. Heheh. Then, the same seniors taught me how to inhale it. I tried it and started coughing non stop!! At that time, I cant say that I was addicted to it. I could have stopped it but I refused to! I mean, look at me now. I'm trying to quit but iNo'm surrounded by people who smokes. I can even say that I smoke more than my boyfriend. And he started way before I did! I regret trying it. Now, my throat hurts and everything else.
The nicotine triggered my gastric and I kept on vomitting non stop. Yet, that doesnt make me stop at all. I kept on going with it and ignore the fact that i'm sick cuz of that. How much of an ignorant can i be? A tough one ey? Hahaha. Now, smoking is a part of my life.
As for my parents, they know that I smoke but my mum is in denial of it. I've got caught once or twice. I still cant stop it. My brother hates me for smoking. I know its for my own good but may be im just not ready to stop yet. There will come a time that i fall really sick till i cant get up. Then, maybe ill stop smoking. For now, ciggy helps me a lot. I remembered how my anger used to be before i started puffing on those sticks! Now, im a bit more calm.
Recently, ive been puffing away my life a bit too much. I prefusely smoke like a chimney. In the end, im the one that gets drowsy and feel really sick. Many of my friends has told me to stop and slow down. I just cant do that. I'm trying so hard to do that. The only time I stop was because I was so sick till i couldnt get up. Once i got better, i started again and forgot about the incident. I'd have to say that i'm really stuborn. Nothing can get through my head! Well, smoking kills!!! So dont even bother trying it. *pfftt* WHY DID I TRY IT????
-dkm
When I first tried it, it felt cool with the smoke coming out from your mouth. After that day, I kept going with those same group and taking their cigarrete of them. I kept smoking but I never did inhale the smoke at first. Soon after, I realize that i'm buying my own cigarretes from shops. I mean, one advantage that I have is my old face. I look old enough to buy ciggy without them asking me for my ID. Heheh. Then, the same seniors taught me how to inhale it. I tried it and started coughing non stop!! At that time, I cant say that I was addicted to it. I could have stopped it but I refused to! I mean, look at me now. I'm trying to quit but iNo'm surrounded by people who smokes. I can even say that I smoke more than my boyfriend. And he started way before I did! I regret trying it. Now, my throat hurts and everything else.
The nicotine triggered my gastric and I kept on vomitting non stop. Yet, that doesnt make me stop at all. I kept on going with it and ignore the fact that i'm sick cuz of that. How much of an ignorant can i be? A tough one ey? Hahaha. Now, smoking is a part of my life.
As for my parents, they know that I smoke but my mum is in denial of it. I've got caught once or twice. I still cant stop it. My brother hates me for smoking. I know its for my own good but may be im just not ready to stop yet. There will come a time that i fall really sick till i cant get up. Then, maybe ill stop smoking. For now, ciggy helps me a lot. I remembered how my anger used to be before i started puffing on those sticks! Now, im a bit more calm.
Recently, ive been puffing away my life a bit too much. I prefusely smoke like a chimney. In the end, im the one that gets drowsy and feel really sick. Many of my friends has told me to stop and slow down. I just cant do that. I'm trying so hard to do that. The only time I stop was because I was so sick till i couldnt get up. Once i got better, i started again and forgot about the incident. I'd have to say that i'm really stuborn. Nothing can get through my head! Well, smoking kills!!! So dont even bother trying it. *pfftt* WHY DID I TRY IT????
-dkm
Those pills.. aftermath??
There is something about those little pills,
The thrills,
That kills,
The million brain cells.
Those pills are just one of those things that makes a hole in your brain. Each and everyone you take, it'll engraved a beautiful circle on your brain. But have you ever tried it? and felt the feeling that you will never experience in your life naturally?
It does so much damage to your head but you have so much fun with it. Some people take it to escape from their problems in life. Everyday you hear the same thing from your friends. They'll tell you that its bad and you die earlier. But do they know what they're talking about? If they havent tried it, I dont think they have the right to tell you that. I wish I could take it everyday. To think about how much it fucks your mind up, you'd have to think twice.
After you take the pill, you would feel normal. Give it 20-30mins and then you'll feel it kick in into you. It'll be like a roller coaster ride. You would go up slowly. You'll feel happy and nothing in this world can disturb that. No disturbance would be able to destroy the feeling inside you. You'd really feel as if you're flying in the air with the birds. Smile would be as wide as the open sea. Then, slowly it'll go higher and higher. The music would just get better and better. Everyone around you just seemed so friendly. You will love and you'll bound to spread some love. Hugging everyone once you're under the influence of drugs is normal.
Once, you hit the peak of it! That's when the feeling arise and you will never be able to explain the feeling. It is just so amazing. That is the one that makes you get addicted to it. That is the only thing!! You will feel like you wanna dance all night long. Nothing can touch you!!! PROZAC NATION ROCKS!!!
Just deal with drugs, spit on alcohol!!
-dkm
The thrills,
That kills,
The million brain cells.
Those pills are just one of those things that makes a hole in your brain. Each and everyone you take, it'll engraved a beautiful circle on your brain. But have you ever tried it? and felt the feeling that you will never experience in your life naturally?
It does so much damage to your head but you have so much fun with it. Some people take it to escape from their problems in life. Everyday you hear the same thing from your friends. They'll tell you that its bad and you die earlier. But do they know what they're talking about? If they havent tried it, I dont think they have the right to tell you that. I wish I could take it everyday. To think about how much it fucks your mind up, you'd have to think twice.
After you take the pill, you would feel normal. Give it 20-30mins and then you'll feel it kick in into you. It'll be like a roller coaster ride. You would go up slowly. You'll feel happy and nothing in this world can disturb that. No disturbance would be able to destroy the feeling inside you. You'd really feel as if you're flying in the air with the birds. Smile would be as wide as the open sea. Then, slowly it'll go higher and higher. The music would just get better and better. Everyone around you just seemed so friendly. You will love and you'll bound to spread some love. Hugging everyone once you're under the influence of drugs is normal.
Once, you hit the peak of it! That's when the feeling arise and you will never be able to explain the feeling. It is just so amazing. That is the one that makes you get addicted to it. That is the only thing!! You will feel like you wanna dance all night long. Nothing can touch you!!! PROZAC NATION ROCKS!!!
Just deal with drugs, spit on alcohol!!
-dkm
We're friends???
Think about this, why do people like each other when they first meet? It's not because of the looks or anything like that. It's actually about something in common that they can find in each other. I mean, lets say you're talking about a topic that doesn't interest anyone else except for that one person that you've just met. You will just naturally like her and wanting to hear about what she has to say. And because of that, you guys will consider each other friends?
Without knowing anything about him/her, you'll love her because she supports or motivates you to do things that you want to do. It doesn't matter whether its bad or good. It makes no difference.
The story only starts once you both have gotten to know each other better. Then, the true colours comes out. I realized that only today. Weird isnt it?
-dkm
Without knowing anything about him/her, you'll love her because she supports or motivates you to do things that you want to do. It doesn't matter whether its bad or good. It makes no difference.
The story only starts once you both have gotten to know each other better. Then, the true colours comes out. I realized that only today. Weird isnt it?
-dkm
Sunday, June 19, 2005
two weeks.....
Two weeks passed by!! I'm so happy for myself. Relationship going smooth. No more problems. No more hassle! Just loving it. Today, I went to klcc. Suppose to meet this guy named syahmi. But he ditched me and went with his own plans. That didn't matter to me much, i understood why he had to do that. So I kept quiet.
I miss izzat to death right now. Didn't really see him today. Spent a few minutes at his house with him and then, he had to go to his grandma's place. It was indeed a very sad departure. I miss him quite a bit right now. It's sad that I can't see him tonight. He is all the way in Putrajaya. To me, that's blooooody far! I mean, I would go there just to see him. But because of the situation i'm in right now with my parents, it doesnt allow me too. I don't mind sneaking out. I need to think about it twice. The last time I did that, I got into so much trouble. Literally, SO MUCH TROUBLE!!
I can't talk to him as well. He doesn't have his own phone, which annoys me. I can't do anything much. I sure dont mind buying him a phone, but he doesnt allow me to. He insist on me waiting for him to get a phone. As long as I get to talk to him every night then, ill be fine.
Each day I see him, I tend to be falling for him. For the every bit of him. I mean, to me all his imperfections are the perfections of his. Wait a min, do you understand what I just said? Well, if you didnt, then you're stupid. Not me. Hahaha. I am a bit stupid tho. I still havent studied for my exams and it's coming in like two days.
I know if I fail my examinations, I won't be able to see izzat. Not only him, my other friends too. I can just say bye bye to my social life and get on with my life being all depressed.
As i type this out, at the same time i'm waiting for someone to pick up the phone so I could speak to izzat. NO!!! The phone is not being picked uP!! I'm getting so annoyed and frustrated! I want to see him now. Why can't I see him? I miss him so much. Not to forget about the kisses! And the caressing!!
Thus, i'm glad that i'm actually settling down and loving only one person at a time! hehehe. Thank god for that!! I have nothing else to write cuz I just can't stop thinking about Izzat. Does anyone out there care tho? I didn't think so too. So yeah, forget it. All I know is that, he is mine!!
-dkm
I miss izzat to death right now. Didn't really see him today. Spent a few minutes at his house with him and then, he had to go to his grandma's place. It was indeed a very sad departure. I miss him quite a bit right now. It's sad that I can't see him tonight. He is all the way in Putrajaya. To me, that's blooooody far! I mean, I would go there just to see him. But because of the situation i'm in right now with my parents, it doesnt allow me too. I don't mind sneaking out. I need to think about it twice. The last time I did that, I got into so much trouble. Literally, SO MUCH TROUBLE!!
I can't talk to him as well. He doesn't have his own phone, which annoys me. I can't do anything much. I sure dont mind buying him a phone, but he doesnt allow me to. He insist on me waiting for him to get a phone. As long as I get to talk to him every night then, ill be fine.
Each day I see him, I tend to be falling for him. For the every bit of him. I mean, to me all his imperfections are the perfections of his. Wait a min, do you understand what I just said? Well, if you didnt, then you're stupid. Not me. Hahaha. I am a bit stupid tho. I still havent studied for my exams and it's coming in like two days.
I know if I fail my examinations, I won't be able to see izzat. Not only him, my other friends too. I can just say bye bye to my social life and get on with my life being all depressed.
As i type this out, at the same time i'm waiting for someone to pick up the phone so I could speak to izzat. NO!!! The phone is not being picked uP!! I'm getting so annoyed and frustrated! I want to see him now. Why can't I see him? I miss him so much. Not to forget about the kisses! And the caressing!!
Thus, i'm glad that i'm actually settling down and loving only one person at a time! hehehe. Thank god for that!! I have nothing else to write cuz I just can't stop thinking about Izzat. Does anyone out there care tho? I didn't think so too. So yeah, forget it. All I know is that, he is mine!!
-dkm
White Or Black?
What have I done? I met with my boyfriend today at his house. I went there without him knowing anything. It was all planned between his sister named yasmin and I. I had loads of fun with his little sister. Many would think that purposely getting close to the siblings to steal his heart. Well, that's not at all my intention. I just love the way yasmin is. She is cute and always laughing. Reminds me of myself. Everything went well at that time. I got there and I saw him sleeping. Looking at him sleep was so peaceful. As I look at him and stared at him being asleep, it felt as if nothing could wake him up. Not even the nuclear bomb, even if it has explode right beside him. I thought the best would not to wake him up. But I just missed him so much. So in the end, I did. When I sat on the bed and was about to lay my hands on his body, he woke up and smiled at me. His eyes were as small as an asian boy. Many things that I want to say but I dont think that this would be the right place to write it down.
As usual, we went to ampang point after that to play a few foosball games. His bestfriend came along and brought a smile together with him. I've always loved the company of his bestfriend. A very happy-go-lucky boy. Jovial, indeed. Anyhow, one thing bad about hanging out with his bestfriend is that he keeps on coming with bad news for me. It's not done on purpose. It's just that, he wanted to tell the truth. So I just had to take it. Today, he told me about the same thing that he has been telling me. He told me about izzat's girlfriend. How she felt and other stuff. Of course, that kind of things got me a bit here and there. I got a bit ticked off, so the mistake I did was to take my anger on Izzat. I wanted to say sorry, but my ego was too high and it didnt come out from my mouth. If you(izzat) happens to read this, I want to say sorry for making faces just now. I didnt know that you've made your decision. I love you so much and I'm really sorry. Whatever it is, I'm glad that you've finally made your decision that i've been waiting for patiently. I hope you, yourself are happy with the decision that you have made. Because I want you to remember that, that is no use to make a decision and you're not happy with it. Just because you want the other person to be happy. I want both of us to be happy. Anyways, I want to wait till he calls me. I will tell him that i'm sorry.... I feel as though i'm in platform of grey colour. I'm not sure what's wrong or right. Basically, that's either black or white.. I still love him...
-dkm
As usual, we went to ampang point after that to play a few foosball games. His bestfriend came along and brought a smile together with him. I've always loved the company of his bestfriend. A very happy-go-lucky boy. Jovial, indeed. Anyhow, one thing bad about hanging out with his bestfriend is that he keeps on coming with bad news for me. It's not done on purpose. It's just that, he wanted to tell the truth. So I just had to take it. Today, he told me about the same thing that he has been telling me. He told me about izzat's girlfriend. How she felt and other stuff. Of course, that kind of things got me a bit here and there. I got a bit ticked off, so the mistake I did was to take my anger on Izzat. I wanted to say sorry, but my ego was too high and it didnt come out from my mouth. If you(izzat) happens to read this, I want to say sorry for making faces just now. I didnt know that you've made your decision. I love you so much and I'm really sorry. Whatever it is, I'm glad that you've finally made your decision that i've been waiting for patiently. I hope you, yourself are happy with the decision that you have made. Because I want you to remember that, that is no use to make a decision and you're not happy with it. Just because you want the other person to be happy. I want both of us to be happy. Anyways, I want to wait till he calls me. I will tell him that i'm sorry.... I feel as though i'm in platform of grey colour. I'm not sure what's wrong or right. Basically, that's either black or white.. I still love him...
-dkm
DevilFly!!
The name DevilFly was created by my sister and I. She loved butterflies so much and I loved Devil. We put them together and that's what it became. Just recently, we have been planning about naming our clothing line DevilFly. Honestly, I think it's a very catchy and funky name. We'll see all those funky but elegant clothes. Our dreams are big but we can mend it into reality. Just need a bit of hardwork and dedication. *poof* We'll be millionaires. Hehe. Our logo, would consist of two characters. An awesome plan.
-dkm
-dkm
Satan...??
This world is full of satan. Hahaha. Can't you just see it? I mean, it's obvious. The people who surrounds are just so cruel. I was watching the news today(which is really weird), and I saw how it was. I mean, what is the world turning into? It's crazy! There are more kids dying each day!! Getting raped, murdered, and all those shit. But who am I to say all these? It's not as if they're going to come to my blog and read this. Hahaha. Atleast, I know I have a heart who cares. Hehehe. Whatever it is, may all the kids rest in peace!
-dkm
-dkm
Friday, June 17, 2005
**pointing my finger out to izzat**
I love you so much sayang. I'm getting so lost in the paradise of love with you. I need a map to find reality, you're so amazing. I know i've said that many times in my blogs before but being with you makes my life so mind-blowing. I can't stop thinking about you. You are the sweetest thing. Tears are rolling down my cheeks when you said those things to me on the net. I know saying it on the net doesn't sound all that romantic. It doesnt matter about that, when it comes to you. I love you sayang. The word I love you is not enough to describe my love for you. Its been two weeks. Yet, I still have butterflies in my tummy. I want you to know that i'm always thinking about you. Night and day. Even when i'm fast asleep. I would do anything for you. Sacrifice anything you want me to. My heart has finally surrendered to you. You and only you. It has finally opened just for you. I'm going to commit myself to you. I want to dedicate myself to you. I know I sound a bit too corny but this is how I feel. I'm just telling you the truth. I'm waiting patiently for my testimonial. I dont care how long it'll take. All I want right now is you. I cant get you out of my mind. You have made me fall in love with you so much. Sayang, you make me smile so much. Nothing in this world can do that. Honestly, I love the way you are. You're just perfect. I may have repeated some of the facts about you. I'm so speechless do the things you said to me. Forgive me if ive said or done anything wrong. My intentions for you are so pure and true. Could this be true love for me? I've never felt like this before. Could I be fooling myself, izzat? What do you think baby? I'm so lost whenever I look into your eyes. You're just mine! I hope noone will ever take you away from me. I would never do anything to damage our relationship. Sayang, I want to dedicate a song for you. You may take it in another way cause it's from two gays singing together. But i'm the one dedicating it to you. Here it goes,
Extreme - More than words.
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words**
More than words sayang. I love you. If you have wrote the testimonial by now, I want to thank you for the effort that you've put in. But if not, it's ok. It's always the thought that counts. Nothing else matters to me. I swear. I would do anything for you.
-dkm
Extreme - More than words.
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words**
More than words sayang. I love you. If you have wrote the testimonial by now, I want to thank you for the effort that you've put in. But if not, it's ok. It's always the thought that counts. Nothing else matters to me. I swear. I would do anything for you.
-dkm
**pointing my finger out to izzat**
I love you so much sayang. I'm getting so lost in the paradise of love with you. I need a map to find reality, you're so amazing. I know i've said that many times in my blogs before but being with you makes my life so mind-blowing. I can't stop thinking about you. You are the sweetest thing. Tears are rolling down my cheeks when you said those things to me on the net. I know saying it on the net doesn't sound all that romantic. It doesnt matter about that, when it comes to you. I love you sayang. The word I love you is not enough to describe my love for you. Its been two weeks. Yet, I still have butterflies in my tummy. I want you to know that i'm always thinking about you. Night and day. Even when i'm fast asleep. I would do anything for you. Sacrifice anything you want me to. My heart has finally surrendered to you. You and only you. It has finally opened just for you. I'm going to commit myself to you. I want to dedicate myself to you. I know I sound a bit too corny but this is how I feel. I'm just telling you the truth. I'm waiting patiently for my testimonial. I dont care how long it'll take. All I want right now is you. I cant get you out of my mind. You have made me fall in love with you so much. Sayang, you make me smile so much. Nothing in this world can do that. Honestly, I love the way you are. You're just perfect. I may have repeated some of the facts about you. I'm so speechless do the things you said to me. Forgive me if ive said or done anything wrong. My intentions for you are so pure and true. Could this be true love for me? I've never felt like this before. Could I be fooling myself, izzat? What do you think baby? I'm so lost whenever I look into your eyes. You're just mine! I hope noone will ever take you away from me. I would never do anything to damage our relationship. Sayang, I want to dedicate a song for you. You may take it in another way cause it's from two gays singing together. But i'm the one dedicating it to you. Here it goes,
Extreme - More than words.
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words**
More than words sayang. I love you. If you have wrote the testimonial by now, I want to thank you for the effort that you've put in. But if not, it's ok. It's always the thought that counts. Nothing else matters to me. I swear. I would do anything for you.
-dkm
Extreme - More than words.
Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words**
More than words sayang. I love you. If you have wrote the testimonial by now, I want to thank you for the effort that you've put in. But if not, it's ok. It's always the thought that counts. Nothing else matters to me. I swear. I would do anything for you.
-dkm
----pink the blues----
This will be by far the most random post. I want to tell everyone out there that I love my bestfriend Farah Adila and my love, Izzat Hazim. They are my life. I have no idea what to do without them. It's just so hard to explain. Izzat is just the sweetest thing. Farah is just the most adorable creature. I know my tittle is 'pink the blues'. I want to tell you the meaning of it. It actually doesnt have a meanin to it. I made it up. I love pink so much. But I will never forget the blue in me. It has been with me for the longest time. Since I was still crawling on my knees. It sounds good though. I know it does. Many people like it. So do I, myself!
-dkm
-dkm
Listen, buck and stand up!!
What has got into me recently? I've been so lazy to study. I'm lazy to do anything nowadays. It's dangerous to be like that when my exams are coming next week. Of course I know with this attitude, I'll fail everything. I mean, for heavens sake Ive missed so many classes. I don't even bother to catch or to get the information out from anyone. I need to start stuying soon. I tell myself that everyday. But once I get to it, I'll lose focus. Even without my handphone being beside. Still i'll be distracted. One of the most beautiful distraction is my sayang Izzat. Oh gosh? I just realized that each and every single of my blog has got his name in it. Does that mean, I'm crazy for that boy? Hehehe. Boy?? Yeah, he is one year younger than me. Actually, not even one year. More or less like few months. I still love him tho! Yeah i do! Uh-huh!! Weeee...wooo.... I dont know what he's doing right now. One thing I hate is that he never calls me in the afternoon. He waits for me to call him. I have no idea what's his point of doing that. I asked him why. He replied, he purposely do that to me. Because he knows by doing that, he'll make me miss him. Gosh, how inconsiderate is that? Hhaha. I NEED TO STUDY LIKE MAD BUT I CAN'T, I FEEL TO DAMN LAZY!!!!!
-dkm
-dkm
Thursday, June 16, 2005
further than i thought...
Another depressing day has passed by. I've got so many things in my mind. Soon enough, my school will call up my parents telling them that I havent been doing well and I have been absent one too many times. One thing for sure is that, since so many things bombarded my life, I couldnt at all concentrate on my studies. I dont want to start blaming anyone of course. Whatever you do in life, if its wrong, we should all blame ourselves first then look at others. I know for a sure fact that i'm going to fail my last semester papers. Isnt that sad? I wrote the same thing in the blog yesterday, but what the heck? Hehehe. I have no idea what to study for physics and math. Not forgetting one thing, I HATE MATH&PHYSICS. Because those two are the subjects where you have to calculate and its full of formulae.
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My daily routine has been a bit dull this pass few weeks. I mean, everyday ill go to ampang point. Altho im getting bored of that place, yet i still go there to see some of my friends and of course, to play foosball. I cant really survive without it. Honestly, thats one of the things that i do to release my anger. Ok going on, after going there, ill meet up with my boy, only then, it'll get all interesting. But other than that, i feel so stupid and dumb. I ve studied a bit, i dont think its enough. I know its not enough but im soooooo lazy to get my ass up and buck up on my studies.. i need someone to motivate me and to support me.. to control and demand me to do it.. my mum wont be able to do that cuz she's too bust with work.. my dad.. no hope.. my bro, i dont want him too scary.. my sis, no no.. who else?????
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About him, he is all I can think about. He is an amazing kisser. The aftermath is so mesmerizing. I cant stop thinking about him. He is a beautiful distraction. Noone can ever replace him. He is my one and only. Every minute and hour i've spent with him are the moments that makes me really happy. I love the way he makes me laugh. The way he comes and approach me. The way he holds me. I love it. I just do. I love everything about him. Not forgetting about the way he smells. I love his cologne. He is just so perfect in my eyes. Frankly, he has fit my every description that I wrote when I was younger in the funny profile book. Except for the height. But he can still grow. He so young and i like that too. A dominant person. Loving it. Hahaha. To tell you the truth, 'we' as in my boyfriend and i have gone far with each other. I'm talking about intimacy wise. It all happened so fast. We both didnt even realized it. I felt as if I was in a different world with him. It was so, i dont know how to describe the feeling. You know how somethings, you just cant explain. So yeah, thats how it is. When i say i went far, I didnt mean that far. It was not sex! Because that is just the doing of crazy people who are really desperate. I'm glad that we both have made an agreement on some issues which are private and confidential. I'm scared some random people would read this and starts to blabber to the public. I mean, this is an open thing. So therefore, its a bit too dangerous.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess, thats about it for now. I will continue with more later......
-dkm
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My daily routine has been a bit dull this pass few weeks. I mean, everyday ill go to ampang point. Altho im getting bored of that place, yet i still go there to see some of my friends and of course, to play foosball. I cant really survive without it. Honestly, thats one of the things that i do to release my anger. Ok going on, after going there, ill meet up with my boy, only then, it'll get all interesting. But other than that, i feel so stupid and dumb. I ve studied a bit, i dont think its enough. I know its not enough but im soooooo lazy to get my ass up and buck up on my studies.. i need someone to motivate me and to support me.. to control and demand me to do it.. my mum wont be able to do that cuz she's too bust with work.. my dad.. no hope.. my bro, i dont want him too scary.. my sis, no no.. who else?????
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
About him, he is all I can think about. He is an amazing kisser. The aftermath is so mesmerizing. I cant stop thinking about him. He is a beautiful distraction. Noone can ever replace him. He is my one and only. Every minute and hour i've spent with him are the moments that makes me really happy. I love the way he makes me laugh. The way he comes and approach me. The way he holds me. I love it. I just do. I love everything about him. Not forgetting about the way he smells. I love his cologne. He is just so perfect in my eyes. Frankly, he has fit my every description that I wrote when I was younger in the funny profile book. Except for the height. But he can still grow. He so young and i like that too. A dominant person. Loving it. Hahaha. To tell you the truth, 'we' as in my boyfriend and i have gone far with each other. I'm talking about intimacy wise. It all happened so fast. We both didnt even realized it. I felt as if I was in a different world with him. It was so, i dont know how to describe the feeling. You know how somethings, you just cant explain. So yeah, thats how it is. When i say i went far, I didnt mean that far. It was not sex! Because that is just the doing of crazy people who are really desperate. I'm glad that we both have made an agreement on some issues which are private and confidential. I'm scared some random people would read this and starts to blabber to the public. I mean, this is an open thing. So therefore, its a bit too dangerous.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I guess, thats about it for now. I will continue with more later......
-dkm
*scratching head*
Hmmm... everyone is talking about huh? Somehow, I'm not at all surprised. They talk about everything that exist in this world. So what would make me any different from those things. Exams are coming near. Feel like pulling my hair off and knocking my head to the wall. So I could get some information and knowledge into it. Honestly, I havent studied that much. Plus, I'm very confident about failing my history and business. Hahahaha. No more social life for me after that. I'm becoming weirder as the day pass by. I get agitated so fast. The days are so gloomy. I've been very emotional and I dont really like it. I'll end up crying for the most petty little things that I see or hear. Its not easy to be 'deena'. As i found out recently, many year 7 & 8 wanted to be just like me. I'm not trying to show off or anything. But i'm writing about what I feel. Apparently, those people looked up on me and admired me for who I am and what ive achieved. Well, I take that as a compliment. But I wouldnt want them to become like me. Maybe, become like me as in my positive side. No actually, I dont want them to become like me at all. So going on with the news today...
In school, it was another interesting day. I had so much fun in history class. I was sitting on one chair and another chair for my leg. Play pretence as it was my own home. Made myself felt like a queen in that class. We were going through for what to study for our coming examinations. Its the last exams before our IGCSE. *argh* I cant wait to fail, get slap by my mum and get kicked out from the house. It's even possible for me to be disowned. Hahaha. No joke! Everyone was smiling at me. But some of their smile were fake. I knew that they were trying their best to smile. To those people out there, i want to tell them not to waste their time and energy to do that. Cuz ill be fine in the end.
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I cant wait till my baby finishes his school and get home. But that'll be an hour from now as i type this. I still have to say, that i love him so much. I adore him. I forgot to say one thing to those people out there, I'm sorry that you wont be able to see my miserable face again in school. I've got my life back and nothing can break it out. Not even that one person. (you know who you are). 2 weeks has passed by, and im still loyal. I'm so proud of myself. But is it worth being loyal to someone who has another person beside him? I mean, am i doing the right thing? Or would i just end up hurting myself more? Izzat kesayanganku, only you can answer my most dreadful questions. I dare not ask you straight to the face. You have intimidate me and controlled me. You are the first that i'm actually scared of. I know if i stay with you, ill go the right way. My day without you is so dead and long. Its true, try looking at it this way. When we were together yesterday, i felt as if i only spent about 2 hours with you. But it was half a day. Not really, but you know what i mean. I love you sayang.
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*lalalalallalalalaal*
farah my bestfriend, I love her to death. We were suppose to meet up yesterday but i ended up being alone. Because of waiting for her. Its fine tho. I mean, i think i did that to her once or twice. Wait a min! To think about it, ive never done that to her. But i have cancelled last minute. Thats before she left the house or something. but whatever it is, i feel that i miss my three gurls a lot.I havent seen them for a really long time. Soon enough, all of them are going to be busy with their own life and for me, im still stuck being a student in mutiara which is not so bright or sharp. sad isnt it? I need to hang out with them one day but yet i wont be satisfied. sooner or later, i know ill miss them again.
By the way, i have a message to convey to them....
Farah, Emma & Kalysa, eventhough i dont see you as much as i did last time. You guys will always be in my heart no matter what. Don't listen to what others have to say. I have learnt to be strong again, thanks to you gurls. I will always try to make time for you even if i have no more time left. It doesnt matter whether i'm hangin out with my boyfriend or not. Just come and meet me or give me a call. Whatever you need, I will always try to cater for you girls. You were the one that has stood beside me and picked me up again & again. I wanna thank you so much for that. Congragulation on graduating this year kaly and far. Unfortunately, ive still got one more year to go. Once i'm done, ill be joining your lives as college students. If you happen to leave somewhere to the overseas, then maybe we'll be drifted apart. But there's always something called the internet and the telephone. I'll be here to pick up that calls or just have a chat with you. I miss you girls so much. I feel as if i havent seen you for such a long long time. But its been only 1 or 2 weeks. Or maybe less. *sigh* Thats about it i guess. You know what i mean and what im trying to say. Take care and i love you!!
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-dkm.....
In school, it was another interesting day. I had so much fun in history class. I was sitting on one chair and another chair for my leg. Play pretence as it was my own home. Made myself felt like a queen in that class. We were going through for what to study for our coming examinations. Its the last exams before our IGCSE. *argh* I cant wait to fail, get slap by my mum and get kicked out from the house. It's even possible for me to be disowned. Hahaha. No joke! Everyone was smiling at me. But some of their smile were fake. I knew that they were trying their best to smile. To those people out there, i want to tell them not to waste their time and energy to do that. Cuz ill be fine in the end.
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I cant wait till my baby finishes his school and get home. But that'll be an hour from now as i type this. I still have to say, that i love him so much. I adore him. I forgot to say one thing to those people out there, I'm sorry that you wont be able to see my miserable face again in school. I've got my life back and nothing can break it out. Not even that one person. (you know who you are). 2 weeks has passed by, and im still loyal. I'm so proud of myself. But is it worth being loyal to someone who has another person beside him? I mean, am i doing the right thing? Or would i just end up hurting myself more? Izzat kesayanganku, only you can answer my most dreadful questions. I dare not ask you straight to the face. You have intimidate me and controlled me. You are the first that i'm actually scared of. I know if i stay with you, ill go the right way. My day without you is so dead and long. Its true, try looking at it this way. When we were together yesterday, i felt as if i only spent about 2 hours with you. But it was half a day. Not really, but you know what i mean. I love you sayang.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*lalalalallalalalaal*
farah my bestfriend, I love her to death. We were suppose to meet up yesterday but i ended up being alone. Because of waiting for her. Its fine tho. I mean, i think i did that to her once or twice. Wait a min! To think about it, ive never done that to her. But i have cancelled last minute. Thats before she left the house or something. but whatever it is, i feel that i miss my three gurls a lot.I havent seen them for a really long time. Soon enough, all of them are going to be busy with their own life and for me, im still stuck being a student in mutiara which is not so bright or sharp. sad isnt it? I need to hang out with them one day but yet i wont be satisfied. sooner or later, i know ill miss them again.
By the way, i have a message to convey to them....
Farah, Emma & Kalysa, eventhough i dont see you as much as i did last time. You guys will always be in my heart no matter what. Don't listen to what others have to say. I have learnt to be strong again, thanks to you gurls. I will always try to make time for you even if i have no more time left. It doesnt matter whether i'm hangin out with my boyfriend or not. Just come and meet me or give me a call. Whatever you need, I will always try to cater for you girls. You were the one that has stood beside me and picked me up again & again. I wanna thank you so much for that. Congragulation on graduating this year kaly and far. Unfortunately, ive still got one more year to go. Once i'm done, ill be joining your lives as college students. If you happen to leave somewhere to the overseas, then maybe we'll be drifted apart. But there's always something called the internet and the telephone. I'll be here to pick up that calls or just have a chat with you. I miss you girls so much. I feel as if i havent seen you for such a long long time. But its been only 1 or 2 weeks. Or maybe less. *sigh* Thats about it i guess. You know what i mean and what im trying to say. Take care and i love you!!
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-dkm.....
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
Funny...*roll eyes*
Today, Monday, school starts. A new start for the week. I woke up and thought it would be the same thing just a different day. For the first time, I was wrong. I went to school late. Had some problems at home yesterday night. I was thinking about too many things and in the end, i pyscho-ed myself. But this time, i didnt self-mutilate. Which I, myself was very proud to say it. I slept a bit too late at around 2am. Talking to my baby on the phone and was trying to stay awake to wait for his phone call. But he ended up calling me at 4am, which i was already in my deep sleep. Well, not really a deep sleep. I also had a problem sleeping. I couldn't sleep with peace. Everything kept on passing by in my mind when i'm about to close my eyes. Try imagining that. I hated it.
Today in school, it was much better. I went to school with a filthy mood but came back home with a hyper-active attitude. Everyone was suddenly so nice towards me. I was just about to adapt to the situation where everyone despise me. I was happy but i find it very weird to this being reality. I couldnt believe my eyes, ears and the happiness that was inside.
At the same time, i didnt want to believe and get use to this. My feelings were so bold. I wanted to stay bitter towards many people. I know we should forgive and forget. Somethings in life are not suppose to be like that. Somethings are meant to be remembered for the rest of their lives. Those are suppose to be the happiest moments of your life. But think about it, many things that human being remembers are the one that are bad. Most things, i mean.
Its the same with the things you do for someone or people. For example, mistakes that you make will always be emphasize on. For the good things you've done would just be complimented on and the next thing you know, they'll forget it as if it was like years ago. The truth hurts.
Life is just full of shit! I really dont know until when i'm going to think that way. All i know is that my life are colourful again. Due to the reason being, i know people out there loves me. I dont need them to tell me everyday or everytime. I could feel the love from a distance. Love is something so powerful.
Love...
Love is something so powerful. I hate to admit those kind of things. But there comes a time, where you just have too. Love can make you feel so happy and at the same time so depressed. You can get all energetic with love but at the same time, can get all exhausted. Loving someone is so hard. I mean, you won't know whether you really love them or not. But from my point of view as i write this down, i know i love him and my friends. They are the only thing that i think about. Not forgetting my most unreplaceable family. I will always love them. To plus it all, these are the few people that i would never forget. I want to die loving this one person. There are many things that i want to do with him but i just cant find the right time to do it. Nor can i find the right moment and place. Is it my fault? What should i do to solve this problems?
This is to be continued......
--dkm
Today in school, it was much better. I went to school with a filthy mood but came back home with a hyper-active attitude. Everyone was suddenly so nice towards me. I was just about to adapt to the situation where everyone despise me. I was happy but i find it very weird to this being reality. I couldnt believe my eyes, ears and the happiness that was inside.
At the same time, i didnt want to believe and get use to this. My feelings were so bold. I wanted to stay bitter towards many people. I know we should forgive and forget. Somethings in life are not suppose to be like that. Somethings are meant to be remembered for the rest of their lives. Those are suppose to be the happiest moments of your life. But think about it, many things that human being remembers are the one that are bad. Most things, i mean.
Its the same with the things you do for someone or people. For example, mistakes that you make will always be emphasize on. For the good things you've done would just be complimented on and the next thing you know, they'll forget it as if it was like years ago. The truth hurts.
Life is just full of shit! I really dont know until when i'm going to think that way. All i know is that my life are colourful again. Due to the reason being, i know people out there loves me. I dont need them to tell me everyday or everytime. I could feel the love from a distance. Love is something so powerful.
Love...
Love is something so powerful. I hate to admit those kind of things. But there comes a time, where you just have too. Love can make you feel so happy and at the same time so depressed. You can get all energetic with love but at the same time, can get all exhausted. Loving someone is so hard. I mean, you won't know whether you really love them or not. But from my point of view as i write this down, i know i love him and my friends. They are the only thing that i think about. Not forgetting my most unreplaceable family. I will always love them. To plus it all, these are the few people that i would never forget. I want to die loving this one person. There are many things that i want to do with him but i just cant find the right time to do it. Nor can i find the right moment and place. Is it my fault? What should i do to solve this problems?
This is to be continued......
--dkm
Monday, June 13, 2005
My gurls..
Once upon a time, 4 years back. I met two girls named kalysa & farah. There are two different people with different characters. I shall start talking about farah first.
Farah is a girl who i adore so much. We've been through so much. In my point of view, the things that we go through are the things that people go through after being friends for more than a decade. But for us, it was a bit express. It happened so fast. Gladly to say, we took it well and put all those things aside. I remembered the first time we talked was over the net. I had mistaken her to this other farah that i knew when i was younger. So due to that, i started cursing and made her first impression on me the worst. Sooner or later, i found out that i was wrong the whole time. I apologize and we became close. We became really close to the point that we wanted to be twins. As in buy the same things and wear the same clothes and etc. Although we didnt plan it, it happened. We just have the same taste in things. Also in guys. The friendship got a little bit rocky in the middle because of some stupid reasons that i'm keeping to myself. Actually the truth is, i cant really remember. Only a few bits of here and there. We tried to be matured about it and had some talk. After that, it was miraculous that i became friends again with her. I will never regret knowing someone like her. I love her to death. We started off with the wrong foot. To tell you the truth, that is actually the best. (from my experience) I cant say that she has always been there for me. Cuz i know for a fact, that ive never always been there for her. But once we meet up or see each other, we'll spill everything from the inside. From my side, i dont keep secrets from her. I know she'll find out. She knows me too well. Recently, she has been the one that picked me up. Always sending me little notes through friendster, blogs and msn. Those little things are the one that makes me happy. It may be little things. But it does a lot for me. I mean, atleast you know someone is thinking about you. Farah, i want to say sorry because yesterday i resort myself to self-mutulation. I know i'm not suppose to do that, but i was so angry and i couldnt get through your phone. and i had noone. I just had to do it. But i came out find in the end. I love you to death farah. You know how much i love and treasure my friends. Farah is my backbone. not extra, she is my backbone. I dont really have one right now because someone has taken it away. She has gave me a little bit of strength and i thank god that i met her. I know we've drifted apart for now, but its more of my fault cuz ive been busy with too many things. Sorry sweetie. I would write more but it'll take ages. Hehe.
Now, i would like to move on to kalysa.
Kalysa, she is the girl that came to my school when i was in form one. I hated her. One of the reason was because she came from a school called CBN. Many people hate that school. But now, as i know a lot of people from there, they're not that bad. Kalysa is a person whom you hate or love. Many people of course loves to talk about her. She is the kind of person that people envy but doesnt admit it! They're in denial! I hated her for many stupid childish reasons. It was like a school thing. I never realized that when i needed someone so badly, she would be there for me. Since then, ive been calling her my twin. I mean, look at us. We look similar, dont you think? Ok ok, moving on. She is one sweet girl. One thing i know is that she is very protective over her friends and loved ones. That's what i love her about her. and another thing is that she doesnt take shit from anyone. I mean, we all have our weaknesses but kaly doesnt show it. She's a strong gurl at heart and lovable. I'm disappointed with myself for knowing her only when she got into form 5. I mean, she's about to leave to uk now. and leaving me behind. But ill see you there next year!! She has helped me a lot with things. I want to thank her for doing that. I would always love you. Sorry if im done wrong before this in the past. I dont know what i was thinking when i did that. maybe, that was the thing i wasnt thinking at all. (knocking the head) heheeh.. take care..
After meeting these two gurls, came along a gurl named emma.. here it goes about her..
emma, i miss you so much babes. i know we've been through a lot as well. my god, ive been thru a lot with many people. is tht good or bad? hahaha.. i love you so much.. thank you for always being there for me.. thank you for cheering me up with your funny faces. i will never forget those days where we had our breakfast. and me always going to bangsar with you and taking care of your drunk ass. I hope you're doing fine babes. Sorry if i did anything wrong...
A message to these gurls, I love you guys a lot. I'm sorry that i havent been able to hang out with you guys. I hope you all know what im going through and try to understand that. But one thing for you to keep in mind is that, you'll always be in my heart and soul. No matter what. Sorry i havent called. Or whenever you call me, ive always been busy. Sorry for the trouble that ive caused you. Please dont think that, i only go to you when i need something. Thats not true. You know for a fact, that we've shared tears and laughter. So take care my gurls. enjoy life while im not. hahaha.. loving and missing you...
-dkm
Farah is a girl who i adore so much. We've been through so much. In my point of view, the things that we go through are the things that people go through after being friends for more than a decade. But for us, it was a bit express. It happened so fast. Gladly to say, we took it well and put all those things aside. I remembered the first time we talked was over the net. I had mistaken her to this other farah that i knew when i was younger. So due to that, i started cursing and made her first impression on me the worst. Sooner or later, i found out that i was wrong the whole time. I apologize and we became close. We became really close to the point that we wanted to be twins. As in buy the same things and wear the same clothes and etc. Although we didnt plan it, it happened. We just have the same taste in things. Also in guys. The friendship got a little bit rocky in the middle because of some stupid reasons that i'm keeping to myself. Actually the truth is, i cant really remember. Only a few bits of here and there. We tried to be matured about it and had some talk. After that, it was miraculous that i became friends again with her. I will never regret knowing someone like her. I love her to death. We started off with the wrong foot. To tell you the truth, that is actually the best. (from my experience) I cant say that she has always been there for me. Cuz i know for a fact, that ive never always been there for her. But once we meet up or see each other, we'll spill everything from the inside. From my side, i dont keep secrets from her. I know she'll find out. She knows me too well. Recently, she has been the one that picked me up. Always sending me little notes through friendster, blogs and msn. Those little things are the one that makes me happy. It may be little things. But it does a lot for me. I mean, atleast you know someone is thinking about you. Farah, i want to say sorry because yesterday i resort myself to self-mutulation. I know i'm not suppose to do that, but i was so angry and i couldnt get through your phone. and i had noone. I just had to do it. But i came out find in the end. I love you to death farah. You know how much i love and treasure my friends. Farah is my backbone. not extra, she is my backbone. I dont really have one right now because someone has taken it away. She has gave me a little bit of strength and i thank god that i met her. I know we've drifted apart for now, but its more of my fault cuz ive been busy with too many things. Sorry sweetie. I would write more but it'll take ages. Hehe.
Now, i would like to move on to kalysa.
Kalysa, she is the girl that came to my school when i was in form one. I hated her. One of the reason was because she came from a school called CBN. Many people hate that school. But now, as i know a lot of people from there, they're not that bad. Kalysa is a person whom you hate or love. Many people of course loves to talk about her. She is the kind of person that people envy but doesnt admit it! They're in denial! I hated her for many stupid childish reasons. It was like a school thing. I never realized that when i needed someone so badly, she would be there for me. Since then, ive been calling her my twin. I mean, look at us. We look similar, dont you think? Ok ok, moving on. She is one sweet girl. One thing i know is that she is very protective over her friends and loved ones. That's what i love her about her. and another thing is that she doesnt take shit from anyone. I mean, we all have our weaknesses but kaly doesnt show it. She's a strong gurl at heart and lovable. I'm disappointed with myself for knowing her only when she got into form 5. I mean, she's about to leave to uk now. and leaving me behind. But ill see you there next year!! She has helped me a lot with things. I want to thank her for doing that. I would always love you. Sorry if im done wrong before this in the past. I dont know what i was thinking when i did that. maybe, that was the thing i wasnt thinking at all. (knocking the head) heheeh.. take care..
After meeting these two gurls, came along a gurl named emma.. here it goes about her..
emma, i miss you so much babes. i know we've been through a lot as well. my god, ive been thru a lot with many people. is tht good or bad? hahaha.. i love you so much.. thank you for always being there for me.. thank you for cheering me up with your funny faces. i will never forget those days where we had our breakfast. and me always going to bangsar with you and taking care of your drunk ass. I hope you're doing fine babes. Sorry if i did anything wrong...
A message to these gurls, I love you guys a lot. I'm sorry that i havent been able to hang out with you guys. I hope you all know what im going through and try to understand that. But one thing for you to keep in mind is that, you'll always be in my heart and soul. No matter what. Sorry i havent called. Or whenever you call me, ive always been busy. Sorry for the trouble that ive caused you. Please dont think that, i only go to you when i need something. Thats not true. You know for a fact, that we've shared tears and laughter. So take care my gurls. enjoy life while im not. hahaha.. loving and missing you...
-dkm
more to it..
A week has passed by, yet you still have ‘another’ by your side. Still feeling a bit down but I won’t bother saying anything due to the reason that I love you so much. You’re an amazing. Although sometimes you asked me the funniest question when we’re caressing each other. Little kisses are exchanged at the same time and I will never forget any of those moments that I’ve had with you. It was so mesmerizing. You made me realize that I still have a life to live for and nothing to lose. You are the one that I’ve been looking for. At the same time, could I be wrong thinking of this sort? I hate the questions that are floating in my mind. As I assumed, everyone is talking about us. Is it so wrong for us to be together? Is there any barricades that are blocking our way into this relationship? It gets deeper by the day and I’m glad that it’s with you. No one will ever be able to replace you sayang. I’m so into you.
There is something more behind that light brown eyes of yours. I’m still searching for the mystery that lies under you. You have a story that is kept inside and not to be told to anyone. I will want to find that out and I want to be apart of your life. I’m sorry that I came into your life and made everything so hard for you and your partner. It wasn’t my intentions to do that. As you said, things happen for a reason.
I don’t know how else to show you that I love you. Words just can’t describe that. I agree to what many people say about that. I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you so much whenever you’re not with me. One thing I know is that, you know that I love you and you’re everything to me. If I lose you for some stupid reason, I would never be alive again. I’m glad that I found you. If I ever hurt you in any way, I’m so sorry. Many people say that, once you love someone the relationship will get intimate. At this age, I’m not able to get intimate with you. You, of all people should know that. Remember that little discussion we had on bed. My heart belongs to you and only you. I’m not playing or anything.
I find it weird that I’m not able to play with you. There’s something about you that just intimidates me. Please don’t get me wrong, I love it. I actually found someone who can control me. Rather than a boy who just follow what I say.
When I was younger, I’ve always thought that being exactly the same would be the best for a couple. How wrong was I to think that? I mean, the differences that we have is the thing that keeps us together. I can’t seem to find what you have in other boys. Could it be official that I’m crazy for you? Yeah maybe it could be official. Whatever I’m saying right now, comes from the bottom of my heart. From the core of my heart. I know you think that you haven’t made any difference in my life. In that, I would have to say that you are wrong. You have, just that I can’t really show it. It’s not really visible. We’ve shared so many things as if we were together for the longest time. The fact is that, I’ve only been with you only for a week.
Sometimes in life, that one person must make his or her decision in things. There’s never a wrong decision in life. It’s all about the timing. Trust me, if you make it at the wrong time, then it’ll be screwed up for the rest of the journey. I’ll give you time sweetie. To think about it thoroughly and wisely. You are one of the most wise person that I know. Whose actually only fifteen years old. Wow, can you believe that?
So many people are talking, as if their mouth can’t stop running like the tap water. I just wish I could just go to them and zip their mouth. Wish I could make them stay out of my life and business. These little things usually don’t affect me in any way. But it gets more intense by the day. More and more people are talking. The truth is out, so what are you going to do about it? Are you just going to sit there looking all hot and gangster? Or actually be a man, and do something about it. It doesn’t matter for me, all I know is that I’ll be waiting.
It’s funny how I keep on falling for you each day. That is only suppose to happen once you’re married. By saying all these, somehow do I freak you out? Do you think that I’m a psycho? No one has ever made me feel this way. I want to know almost everything about you. The one that you’re willing to me. I’m here with both ears open for you. At anytime you want me, I’ll try to be there for you. Let me study you and try to understand the every bit of you. Every night after we’re apart, I’ll sit on my bed thinking of you while glaring outside. Although, sometimes I see something that I really don’t want to see in the outside world. It’s a bit too scary. 90% of my brain is about you. It has your snapshot photo in it. And it’ll never go away.
I wonder if you ever feel the same way as I do? Am I wasting my time doing this to myself? What do you think? This is one of the longest I’ve wrote for my blog. There’s actually more to this, but I know if I write it all it wouldn’t be fun. Of course, somethings are meant to be kept inside and I want to let you find out for yourself in the long run. I love you so much Izzat Hazim. Please don’t hurt me. Ever.
-dkm
There is something more behind that light brown eyes of yours. I’m still searching for the mystery that lies under you. You have a story that is kept inside and not to be told to anyone. I will want to find that out and I want to be apart of your life. I’m sorry that I came into your life and made everything so hard for you and your partner. It wasn’t my intentions to do that. As you said, things happen for a reason.
I don’t know how else to show you that I love you. Words just can’t describe that. I agree to what many people say about that. I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you so much whenever you’re not with me. One thing I know is that, you know that I love you and you’re everything to me. If I lose you for some stupid reason, I would never be alive again. I’m glad that I found you. If I ever hurt you in any way, I’m so sorry. Many people say that, once you love someone the relationship will get intimate. At this age, I’m not able to get intimate with you. You, of all people should know that. Remember that little discussion we had on bed. My heart belongs to you and only you. I’m not playing or anything.
I find it weird that I’m not able to play with you. There’s something about you that just intimidates me. Please don’t get me wrong, I love it. I actually found someone who can control me. Rather than a boy who just follow what I say.
When I was younger, I’ve always thought that being exactly the same would be the best for a couple. How wrong was I to think that? I mean, the differences that we have is the thing that keeps us together. I can’t seem to find what you have in other boys. Could it be official that I’m crazy for you? Yeah maybe it could be official. Whatever I’m saying right now, comes from the bottom of my heart. From the core of my heart. I know you think that you haven’t made any difference in my life. In that, I would have to say that you are wrong. You have, just that I can’t really show it. It’s not really visible. We’ve shared so many things as if we were together for the longest time. The fact is that, I’ve only been with you only for a week.
Sometimes in life, that one person must make his or her decision in things. There’s never a wrong decision in life. It’s all about the timing. Trust me, if you make it at the wrong time, then it’ll be screwed up for the rest of the journey. I’ll give you time sweetie. To think about it thoroughly and wisely. You are one of the most wise person that I know. Whose actually only fifteen years old. Wow, can you believe that?
So many people are talking, as if their mouth can’t stop running like the tap water. I just wish I could just go to them and zip their mouth. Wish I could make them stay out of my life and business. These little things usually don’t affect me in any way. But it gets more intense by the day. More and more people are talking. The truth is out, so what are you going to do about it? Are you just going to sit there looking all hot and gangster? Or actually be a man, and do something about it. It doesn’t matter for me, all I know is that I’ll be waiting.
It’s funny how I keep on falling for you each day. That is only suppose to happen once you’re married. By saying all these, somehow do I freak you out? Do you think that I’m a psycho? No one has ever made me feel this way. I want to know almost everything about you. The one that you’re willing to me. I’m here with both ears open for you. At anytime you want me, I’ll try to be there for you. Let me study you and try to understand the every bit of you. Every night after we’re apart, I’ll sit on my bed thinking of you while glaring outside. Although, sometimes I see something that I really don’t want to see in the outside world. It’s a bit too scary. 90% of my brain is about you. It has your snapshot photo in it. And it’ll never go away.
I wonder if you ever feel the same way as I do? Am I wasting my time doing this to myself? What do you think? This is one of the longest I’ve wrote for my blog. There’s actually more to this, but I know if I write it all it wouldn’t be fun. Of course, somethings are meant to be kept inside and I want to let you find out for yourself in the long run. I love you so much Izzat Hazim. Please don’t hurt me. Ever.
-dkm
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Confession..
Little do people know that I'm so in love. As in me, deena. Can you believe it? I could be wrong though. The feeling is so different from the usual ones i've gone out with. I could be wrong again. If i were to be optimistic then it would be a totally different story. I am in a bit of a dilemma to go with the whole 'fallen in love' thing. As I myself know, he has a girlfriend. I could feel the vibe of him being really confused whenever he's with me. I know he is suffering in the inside. Sometimes, when we're alone I feel awkward. But once, we're hand in hand my whole world changes. Everything seems to be all colourful again. When i'm by myself, everything goes back to being all dull.
I'm still yet to get over the fact that my ex-bestfriend has won me in many things. In a way that, she won me in getting the many things i have always wanted in school. But other than that, nothing big yet.
From me loving school, right now i despise it to the extend that i feel like burning down the whole school while all the students are in it. My intentions are so cruel that i dont even think about the young kids that are innocent. I couldnt care less about all these things anymore.
Going back to the person I love, he has open up my eyes to many things that i myself would not be able to discover. Or maybe the truth could be that, i may discover it but it could take years. He made it so easy that i myself would say "why didnt i think of that?". I'm being so loyal to him. But is it worth it? Even after knowing the fact that he has another gurl by his side. Who loves him to death. Should i just continue being myself by playing around again with all the guys out there whom i think that are really hot.
Many questions float in my mind. It comes and goes. When it comes, ill start crying and trust me, it'll only be gone for a bit. Once it has come back, ill be so weak and not be able to stand the pain that it cause me. As i write this, i feel as though ive lost many of my friends. Eventhough I have a person who loves me i still feel lonely..
Whatever it is, I have a poem for Izzat. I love him so much at this moment and i want to express my feeling through this little words of mine. Its not all that fancy and not full of classic words. I mean, you dont expect me to be all fancy and classy when i take like 10 mins writing it right? One day, ill post the fancy and classy one. But for now, if he ever reads this, ill be happy. Here it goes...
Went through so many relationships.
Not one was right for me.
Then I meet you.
I thought it will be the same.
as in you 'Just another'.
I am so scared to fall in love with you.
so I won't even bother getting close to you.
Yet your the one I wanna be with.
Never before have I felt this way.
Sometimes I wish I never meet you.
But then I hear your sweet voice, and I end up thanking you.
For beign with me, for caring, and putting up with me.
I know you will always be there for my wants' and needs'.
I don't know what to do.
what do you think?
Nights are long,
Days are so sad,
when i'm not with you.
I feel so empty and sad.
Cuz i'm missing you, and nobody knows it, but me.
I'm falling in love with you.
But what do you say at a moment like this?
When you can't find the words to say, to tell it like it is?
I'll just close my eyes and let my heart lead the way.
Sayang, what do u say?
A never ending feeling of love from me to him. I love him too much to even write it in this blog.
It comes to a time where you just have to stop writing. Here it comes. My time is up.
-dkm
I'm still yet to get over the fact that my ex-bestfriend has won me in many things. In a way that, she won me in getting the many things i have always wanted in school. But other than that, nothing big yet.
From me loving school, right now i despise it to the extend that i feel like burning down the whole school while all the students are in it. My intentions are so cruel that i dont even think about the young kids that are innocent. I couldnt care less about all these things anymore.
Going back to the person I love, he has open up my eyes to many things that i myself would not be able to discover. Or maybe the truth could be that, i may discover it but it could take years. He made it so easy that i myself would say "why didnt i think of that?". I'm being so loyal to him. But is it worth it? Even after knowing the fact that he has another gurl by his side. Who loves him to death. Should i just continue being myself by playing around again with all the guys out there whom i think that are really hot.
Many questions float in my mind. It comes and goes. When it comes, ill start crying and trust me, it'll only be gone for a bit. Once it has come back, ill be so weak and not be able to stand the pain that it cause me. As i write this, i feel as though ive lost many of my friends. Eventhough I have a person who loves me i still feel lonely..
Whatever it is, I have a poem for Izzat. I love him so much at this moment and i want to express my feeling through this little words of mine. Its not all that fancy and not full of classic words. I mean, you dont expect me to be all fancy and classy when i take like 10 mins writing it right? One day, ill post the fancy and classy one. But for now, if he ever reads this, ill be happy. Here it goes...
Went through so many relationships.
Not one was right for me.
Then I meet you.
I thought it will be the same.
as in you 'Just another'.
I am so scared to fall in love with you.
so I won't even bother getting close to you.
Yet your the one I wanna be with.
Never before have I felt this way.
Sometimes I wish I never meet you.
But then I hear your sweet voice, and I end up thanking you.
For beign with me, for caring, and putting up with me.
I know you will always be there for my wants' and needs'.
I don't know what to do.
what do you think?
Nights are long,
Days are so sad,
when i'm not with you.
I feel so empty and sad.
Cuz i'm missing you, and nobody knows it, but me.
I'm falling in love with you.
But what do you say at a moment like this?
When you can't find the words to say, to tell it like it is?
I'll just close my eyes and let my heart lead the way.
Sayang, what do u say?
A never ending feeling of love from me to him. I love him too much to even write it in this blog.
It comes to a time where you just have to stop writing. Here it comes. My time is up.
-dkm
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
You're the one..
how can you suddenly make me love you? Its for a sure fact that its puppy love, but the things that i feel shows otherwise. I was stupid to go for you knowing that you had a girlfriend in the first place. I went to your house with no cruel intentions although many thought of it differently.
I had no intentions to sleep beside you while your girlfriend was under the same roof on that night. It just happened that way without me realizing it. It happened in the speed of light and noone could be there to stop the moment from happening. My feelings are so complicated. It goes left, right and center. I don't know which way would bring me happiness. You have to make the decisions sooner or later. I'd feel as if i'm getting played by you. To even begin that, I've never gotten played in my life. So if you do, it'll be the first time for me. Noone has ever made me so shy and red like a tomato. I am in denial that you, of all people were able to do that yesterday. Most people would think that i'm saying this because it is just the beginning of the story. I myself am not sure whether or not thats true. But i guess, sooner or later we'll both find out the truth. I cant believe that you confessed that you loved me. I love you too and i have no expectations. Even if i do, ill put that aside to give you a chance and try to take it slow. I hope that i would last with you long. You were one of the hardest person to get in my life. So due to that reason, i would cherish you more than anything else. Its natural for someone to treasure something that they've worked hard for. You are the center piece in my art that completes it. I hope you would read this and understand how i feel. The only thing that bothers me right now is that you have a girlfriend. I know for a fact that you've never been like this before in your life. There's always a first time for everything. I just love the way you know about the most petty little things. I dont care whether you know anyone or anything. But i'm already happy with the things you know. With the knowledge you have, you can go so far with it. This would be continued.
-dkm
I had no intentions to sleep beside you while your girlfriend was under the same roof on that night. It just happened that way without me realizing it. It happened in the speed of light and noone could be there to stop the moment from happening. My feelings are so complicated. It goes left, right and center. I don't know which way would bring me happiness. You have to make the decisions sooner or later. I'd feel as if i'm getting played by you. To even begin that, I've never gotten played in my life. So if you do, it'll be the first time for me. Noone has ever made me so shy and red like a tomato. I am in denial that you, of all people were able to do that yesterday. Most people would think that i'm saying this because it is just the beginning of the story. I myself am not sure whether or not thats true. But i guess, sooner or later we'll both find out the truth. I cant believe that you confessed that you loved me. I love you too and i have no expectations. Even if i do, ill put that aside to give you a chance and try to take it slow. I hope that i would last with you long. You were one of the hardest person to get in my life. So due to that reason, i would cherish you more than anything else. Its natural for someone to treasure something that they've worked hard for. You are the center piece in my art that completes it. I hope you would read this and understand how i feel. The only thing that bothers me right now is that you have a girlfriend. I know for a fact that you've never been like this before in your life. There's always a first time for everything. I just love the way you know about the most petty little things. I dont care whether you know anyone or anything. But i'm already happy with the things you know. With the knowledge you have, you can go so far with it. This would be continued.
-dkm
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
*The worst day of my life...*
Today was by far the worst day of my life. It started in the morning, I was crying from 7am to 2pm. Not many of you would believe it but I literally cried the whole day when I was in school. How can a person be so cruel and heartless? Do they ever think of what the other person might feel? Especially after you've shared so many memories with someone. It's sad how they can just ditch you aside and not feel anything. Not even sadness. I know I was a bitch, but as bitchy as I was I still had a soft spot for many people out there. I want to say thank you to two people who helped me a lot today in school. If it wasn't for them, I would have been in a hospital right now bleeding to death. Which I actually wish happened for me, because then I wouldn't have to see people in school. My feelings and emotions are so mixed up that I don't know what to do. I'm so weak and I have no more strenght to do anything. I'm not even sure whether I can pick myself up and tell myself to be happy again. Walking around with puffy eyes are the worst. I feel so lonely sometimes in school. I have nobody to talk to and nobody to manja with. It's so full of shit. This school is all about favouritism and dirty politics. Whatever they do, they will always hurt me. I'm so hurt beyond comprehension. Noone seems to care. But I found out that, there are people out there who cares for me. Which I never knew. I underestimated her so much. I want to say sorry to her. I want to say thank you for standing up for me against those people. I just lost my patience today, the pain that i've kept inside for the longest time, just came out from nowhere. I felt cutting myself with the blade i got from a grade 8 girl. Many of you would think that this would be the worst thing to do if you're in a dilemma. I know it is stupid and in the end I would regret it. But what else am i suppose to do when i cant think properly. I just wish the teachers and students weren't in the toilet with me. I just had the blade in my hand and I was ready to cut myself already. It was just there infront of me. I had no idea what I was waiting for. All i know is that i hate her so much. I cant believe she is doing this to me. But what goes around comes around. She will get the same medicine as i did. But i know she will get the one which would taste even more bitter. I hope she would stop being a gold-digger. I hope she stop sucking up to the rich ones just because she can't have money for herself. I hope people would realize who she really is. And i hope she would not smell anymore. I would pray to god for her to become better in the near future. I know I love her so much. But just fuck off from my life. Stop being a disturbance in my life. Stop ruining it for me. Ok.
-Dkm
-Dkm