Today, Monday, school starts. A new start for the week. I woke up and thought it would be the same thing just a different day. For the first time, I was wrong. I went to school late. Had some problems at home yesterday night. I was thinking about too many things and in the end, i pyscho-ed myself. But this time, i didnt self-mutilate. Which I, myself was very proud to say it. I slept a bit too late at around 2am. Talking to my baby on the phone and was trying to stay awake to wait for his phone call. But he ended up calling me at 4am, which i was already in my deep sleep. Well, not really a deep sleep. I also had a problem sleeping. I couldn't sleep with peace. Everything kept on passing by in my mind when i'm about to close my eyes. Try imagining that. I hated it.
Today in school, it was much better. I went to school with a filthy mood but came back home with a hyper-active attitude. Everyone was suddenly so nice towards me. I was just about to adapt to the situation where everyone despise me. I was happy but i find it very weird to this being reality. I couldnt believe my eyes, ears and the happiness that was inside.
At the same time, i didnt want to believe and get use to this. My feelings were so bold. I wanted to stay bitter towards many people. I know we should forgive and forget. Somethings in life are not suppose to be like that. Somethings are meant to be remembered for the rest of their lives. Those are suppose to be the happiest moments of your life. But think about it, many things that human being remembers are the one that are bad. Most things, i mean.
Its the same with the things you do for someone or people. For example, mistakes that you make will always be emphasize on. For the good things you've done would just be complimented on and the next thing you know, they'll forget it as if it was like years ago. The truth hurts.
Life is just full of shit! I really dont know until when i'm going to think that way. All i know is that my life are colourful again. Due to the reason being, i know people out there loves me. I dont need them to tell me everyday or everytime. I could feel the love from a distance. Love is something so powerful.
Love...
Love is something so powerful. I hate to admit those kind of things. But there comes a time, where you just have too. Love can make you feel so happy and at the same time so depressed. You can get all energetic with love but at the same time, can get all exhausted. Loving someone is so hard. I mean, you won't know whether you really love them or not. But from my point of view as i write this down, i know i love him and my friends. They are the only thing that i think about. Not forgetting my most unreplaceable family. I will always love them. To plus it all, these are the few people that i would never forget. I want to die loving this one person. There are many things that i want to do with him but i just cant find the right time to do it. Nor can i find the right moment and place. Is it my fault? What should i do to solve this problems?
This is to be continued......
--dkm
