Little do people know that I'm so in love. As in me, deena. Can you believe it? I could be wrong though. The feeling is so different from the usual ones i've gone out with. I could be wrong again. If i were to be optimistic then it would be a totally different story. I am in a bit of a dilemma to go with the whole 'fallen in love' thing. As I myself know, he has a girlfriend. I could feel the vibe of him being really confused whenever he's with me. I know he is suffering in the inside. Sometimes, when we're alone I feel awkward. But once, we're hand in hand my whole world changes. Everything seems to be all colourful again. When i'm by myself, everything goes back to being all dull.
I'm still yet to get over the fact that my ex-bestfriend has won me in many things. In a way that, she won me in getting the many things i have always wanted in school. But other than that, nothing big yet.
From me loving school, right now i despise it to the extend that i feel like burning down the whole school while all the students are in it. My intentions are so cruel that i dont even think about the young kids that are innocent. I couldnt care less about all these things anymore.
Going back to the person I love, he has open up my eyes to many things that i myself would not be able to discover. Or maybe the truth could be that, i may discover it but it could take years. He made it so easy that i myself would say "why didnt i think of that?". I'm being so loyal to him. But is it worth it? Even after knowing the fact that he has another gurl by his side. Who loves him to death. Should i just continue being myself by playing around again with all the guys out there whom i think that are really hot.
Many questions float in my mind. It comes and goes. When it comes, ill start crying and trust me, it'll only be gone for a bit. Once it has come back, ill be so weak and not be able to stand the pain that it cause me. As i write this, i feel as though ive lost many of my friends. Eventhough I have a person who loves me i still feel lonely..
Whatever it is, I have a poem for Izzat. I love him so much at this moment and i want to express my feeling through this little words of mine. Its not all that fancy and not full of classic words. I mean, you dont expect me to be all fancy and classy when i take like 10 mins writing it right? One day, ill post the fancy and classy one. But for now, if he ever reads this, ill be happy. Here it goes...
Went through so many relationships.
Not one was right for me.
Then I meet you.
I thought it will be the same.
as in you 'Just another'.
I am so scared to fall in love with you.
so I won't even bother getting close to you.
Yet your the one I wanna be with.
Never before have I felt this way.
Sometimes I wish I never meet you.
But then I hear your sweet voice, and I end up thanking you.
For beign with me, for caring, and putting up with me.
I know you will always be there for my wants' and needs'.
I don't know what to do.
what do you think?
Nights are long,
Days are so sad,
when i'm not with you.
I feel so empty and sad.
Cuz i'm missing you, and nobody knows it, but me.
I'm falling in love with you.
But what do you say at a moment like this?
When you can't find the words to say, to tell it like it is?
I'll just close my eyes and let my heart lead the way.
Sayang, what do u say?
A never ending feeling of love from me to him. I love him too much to even write it in this blog.
It comes to a time where you just have to stop writing. Here it comes. My time is up.
-dkm
